Comments on: In response to Dr. Sears, Mommy Burnout, and the fight I had with my husband this morning

By: tammy

tammy — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 18:06:37 +0000

Update. My boys are now 11,8 & almost 2. A lot has happened since I stumbled on this post almost a year ago. Thankfully its mostly for the better. I knew it was getting really bad and I needed some help but didn’t know where to find it. Ended up hitting the wall and spent a couple of weeks in outpatient therapy at a psychiatric hospital for anxiety and depression. I don’t tell many people that. People tend to judge ya know.
Anyway, I see a counselor regularly and I take Zoloft and I try to remember all of Sarah’s advice. Which is hard. But I have to say, I am so much better now than I was and I keep working at it. I never had any training to be CEO of my own business and I’m learning everyday. And its worth it. I want to raise these boys to be respectable, hard working, honest, gentlemen. I’m not perfect and that is not my goal anymore. Good enough is ok.

By: Heather

Heather — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 03:48:33 +0000

I couldn’t have said any of this any better. And the comments, wow, I loved each of them. My husband leaves to tomorrow for a week and here I sit in a new state, missing my family, missing my friends in Texas, and I’m in physical pain because of the magnitude of my mommy burnout. My almost one year old keeps getting ear infections, my two year old has speech therapy and anger issues because he can’t really communicate with us, and last but not least, my six year old has had several bouts of strep the last year and has enlarged tonsils (read surgery to remove) and I’m burned the fuck out. My husband goes to lunch with friends, plays basketball once a week with friends, has a career and a purpose to his day…I feel like a fat, lazy, slob because I can’t even keep my house clean and I never leave my house. I’m not kidding. Never. There have been times where I have gone FIVE days without leaving. I’m done. We moved to Utah in December and I have yet to make friends. My husband moved here and already had a group of friends that he’s known for 12 years. Automatic social calendar for him. I’m here every day, dealing with sick kids and what’s for dinner and I don’t LIKE that dinner…I needed to read this tonight. I’ve been a bitch to my husband because I’m angry and burned out. I can’t do it anymore.

By: Hillary

Hillary — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 02:22:06 +0000

So grateful to have found this today. I googled mom burnout and found this lovely post and all the wonderful comments. This morning, I found myself wondering why am I so tired, why am I so angry and why am I crying. This evening, I’m pretty sure I’m in mommy burnout. With 3 children, a full time job (with crazy hours) that allows me to fulfill our parent participation requirements at our son’s school, and balancing the house, the activities, the worry. It’s all just so much. But now I’m feeling not alone and validated. Thank you to everyone.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 16:04:16 +0000

You said it all Aylese! It was just yesterday that I realized it was mommy burnout. Knowing that helps a little but the rage still happens. At least my boys are 10, 7, and 1 and the older boys are only mine every other week. My stress level doesn’t diminish however because I worry about them constantly! It is so hard living always on the verge of tears or a huge meltdown. I’m on my way to the gym now with a smile pasted on…. :) we can do this sister!

By: Aylese

Aylese — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 03:53:27 +0000

Yes! It can feel so overwhelming. My husband has four more months of school left and I’ve also got 3 kids under the age of 5. Wow, I’m so crazy burnt out. It finally occurred to me where all anger was coming from: burn out! I think when we’re in burnt out we’re operating in the “fight or flight” mode and which just keeps flooding our body with Cortisol. So we end up functioning with a body flooded with stress hormone day in and day out. No wonder I feel so horrible. First resolution is to exercise starting tomorrow even if I just walk around the block. Glad I read this, even more glad I’m not alone.

By: Tammy

Tammy — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 16:33:39 +0000

I could have written this today! It describes my exact situation. Thank you for reminding me of the good stuff. Eat right, exercise, more sex, and talking to my BFF. These are the areas I am lacking so no wonder I am feeling more and more depressed with each and every day. 3 boys and a husband in school is utterly overwhelming. I love Dr. Sears and he is my go-to for every question, however the advice he gave on mommy burnout is all dependent on an available dad for help. Only 6 months til he graduates! Wish me luck!

By: Janis

Janis — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 04:43:58 +0000

I read this reply and wondered how John took it. I’ve been burnt out before, but didn’t quite recognize it. Now I feel myself slipping there again. I just wanted to say (in case any other men are looking for an answer to “how do I help?”) this IS the answer. I think my husband would have thought this was selfish of me, to dump so much responsibility on him. Responsibility for the care and entertainment of the kids (ages 3 and 1) AND responsibility for making funds/time/plans for ME. But this is exactly it! It doesn’t have to be much. For me it could be taking the kids and tucking me into bed. Even if I don’t sleep, I could do NOTHING and have fun doing it. Or sending me to the library BY MYSELF! Oh, how quiet that would be. And admittedly, lonely. But when I came home after that lonely trip to the library, I would really WANT to be there. So please, if you are looking for this answer, don’t take offense that it puts full responsibility for this on you. The problem is, burnt out moms simply CAN’T take on “one more thing”. It’s an expression of love to do for her what she “should” be able to do for herself.

By: Jen

Jen — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 01:16:34 +0000

@John help with the chores, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, and cooking! If u have the money manicure and pedicures once or twice/month. Most importantly accept her outbursts and rants w/out lashing back out @ her.

By: Sally

Sally — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 21:32:39 +0000

She is probably so burnt out that the prospect of “making plans with her friends” is overwhelming and doesn’t seem worth it. What she needs is for someone else (you, most likely) to make it as easy as possible for her to take a break. If she is the “get out of the house” kind of person, come home from work, hand her keys to the car and a gift card to a spa and tell her “you have an appointment for a massage in 20 minutes. I’ve got the kids.” (make the appointment for her first). If that’s not her thing, buy her a movie ticket or something or gift card to a restaurant/bookstore/etc. Give her everything she needs to get out of the house: funds, time, plans. Tell her it doesn’t matter when she comes home, you can do bedtime alone. If she’s not the kind that finds going out to be relaxing, you can still do this for her. Come home with her favorite wine/chocolate/magazine/pizza whatever and immediately put both kids in the car (without asking her for help) and take them out somewhere (restaurant, library, park, mall, grocery store, book store) for a few hours. Bring them home, put them to bed by yourself, and see if you can figure out a chore that she usually does that you can do for her, but don’t just ask “Do you need help with anything?”

The main reasons I never helped myself when I felt burned out where that it just felt too hard to plan to go anywhere and it seemed easier to do all the chores myself than to ask anyone for help. The best thing you can do fer her is to take some of the initiative yourself.

By: John

John — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 20:33:55 +0000

I am a husband looking for ways to help my wife with Mommy Burnout. She is burnt, there is no denying it. She is exhausted, irritable and angry most of the day long. Some days seem to be OK, most days are filled with anger stemming from burnout.

We have 2 kids, a 6 month old girl and a 5 year old boy. My wife also works 20-30 hours per week at home. She is also a perfectionist. I know it is the perfect storm for Mommy burnout.

I flip between trying to an attentive listener wihout offering solutions…which will usually get me an earful about how I need to “do something about it”. I have tried to recommend solutions like “why don’t you make plans with your friends and I’ll take the kids”…which usually get me an earful of “you just don’t understand”.

I wish I had more time to provide more details. I need to help her but I just don’t know what to do any longer.