Comments on: In response to Dr. Sears, Mommy Burnout, and the fight I had with my husband this morning http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/ Sisters | Life | Three Kids Tue, 07 Feb 2012 03:49:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.1 By: Tammy http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-10006 Tammy Sun, 17 Apr 2011 16:04:16 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-10006 You said it all Aylese! It was just yesterday that I realized it was mommy burnout. Knowing that helps a little but the rage still happens. At least my boys are 10, 7, and 1 and the older boys are only mine every other week. My stress level doesn't diminish however because I worry about them constantly! It is so hard living always on the verge of tears or a huge meltdown. I'm on my way to the gym now with a smile pasted on.... :) we can do this sister! You said it all Aylese! It was just yesterday that I realized it was mommy burnout. Knowing that helps a little but the rage still happens. At least my boys are 10, 7, and 1 and the older boys are only mine every other week. My stress level doesn’t diminish however because I worry about them constantly! It is so hard living always on the verge of tears or a huge meltdown. I’m on my way to the gym now with a smile pasted on…. :) we can do this sister!

]]> By: Aylese http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-10004 Aylese Sun, 17 Apr 2011 03:53:27 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-10004 Yes! It can feel so overwhelming. My husband has four more months of school left and I've also got 3 kids under the age of 5. Wow, I'm so crazy burnt out. It finally occurred to me where all anger was coming from: burn out! I think when we're in burnt out we're operating in the "fight or flight" mode and which just keeps flooding our body with Cortisol. So we end up functioning with a body flooded with stress hormone day in and day out. No wonder I feel so horrible. First resolution is to exercise starting tomorrow even if I just walk around the block. Glad I read this, even more glad I'm not alone. Yes! It can feel so overwhelming. My husband has four more months of school left and I’ve also got 3 kids under the age of 5. Wow, I’m so crazy burnt out. It finally occurred to me where all anger was coming from: burn out! I think when we’re in burnt out we’re operating in the “fight or flight” mode and which just keeps flooding our body with Cortisol. So we end up functioning with a body flooded with stress hormone day in and day out. No wonder I feel so horrible. First resolution is to exercise starting tomorrow even if I just walk around the block. Glad I read this, even more glad I’m not alone.

]]> By: Tammy http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-10003 Tammy Sat, 16 Apr 2011 16:33:39 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-10003 I could have written this today! It describes my exact situation. Thank you for reminding me of the good stuff. Eat right, exercise, more sex, and talking to my BFF. These are the areas I am lacking so no wonder I am feeling more and more depressed with each and every day. 3 boys and a husband in school is utterly overwhelming. I love Dr. Sears and he is my go-to for every question, however the advice he gave on mommy burnout is all dependent on an available dad for help. Only 6 months til he graduates! Wish me luck! I could have written this today! It describes my exact situation. Thank you for reminding me of the good stuff. Eat right, exercise, more sex, and talking to my BFF. These are the areas I am lacking so no wonder I am feeling more and more depressed with each and every day. 3 boys and a husband in school is utterly overwhelming. I love Dr. Sears and he is my go-to for every question, however the advice he gave on mommy burnout is all dependent on an available dad for help. Only 6 months til he graduates! Wish me luck!

]]> By: Janis http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-9078 Janis Sat, 22 Jan 2011 04:43:58 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-9078 I read this reply and wondered how John took it. I've been burnt out before, but didn't quite recognize it. Now I feel myself slipping there again. I just wanted to say (in case any other men are looking for an answer to "how do I help?") this IS the answer. I think my husband would have thought this was selfish of me, to dump so much responsibility on him. Responsibility for the care and entertainment of the kids (ages 3 and 1) AND responsibility for making funds/time/plans for ME. But this is exactly it! It doesn't have to be much. For me it could be taking the kids and tucking me into bed. Even if I don't sleep, I could do NOTHING and have fun doing it. Or sending me to the library BY MYSELF! Oh, how quiet that would be. And admittedly, lonely. But when I came home after that lonely trip to the library, I would really WANT to be there. So please, if you are looking for this answer, don't take offense that it puts full responsibility for this on you. The problem is, burnt out moms simply CAN'T take on "one more thing". It's an expression of love to do for her what she "should" be able to do for herself. I read this reply and wondered how John took it. I’ve been burnt out before, but didn’t quite recognize it. Now I feel myself slipping there again. I just wanted to say (in case any other men are looking for an answer to “how do I help?”) this IS the answer. I think my husband would have thought this was selfish of me, to dump so much responsibility on him. Responsibility for the care and entertainment of the kids (ages 3 and 1) AND responsibility for making funds/time/plans for ME. But this is exactly it! It doesn’t have to be much. For me it could be taking the kids and tucking me into bed. Even if I don’t sleep, I could do NOTHING and have fun doing it. Or sending me to the library BY MYSELF! Oh, how quiet that would be. And admittedly, lonely. But when I came home after that lonely trip to the library, I would really WANT to be there. So please, if you are looking for this answer, don’t take offense that it puts full responsibility for this on you. The problem is, burnt out moms simply CAN’T take on “one more thing”. It’s an expression of love to do for her what she “should” be able to do for herself.

]]> By: Jen http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-7401 Jen Wed, 11 Aug 2010 01:16:34 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-7401 @John help with the chores, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, and cooking! If u have the money manicure and pedicures once or twice/month. Most importantly accept her outbursts and rants w/out lashing back out @ her. @John help with the chores, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, and cooking! If u have the money manicure and pedicures once or twice/month. Most importantly accept her outbursts and rants w/out lashing back out @ her.

]]> By: Sally http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-7394 Sally Tue, 10 Aug 2010 21:32:39 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-7394 She is probably so burnt out that the prospect of "making plans with her friends" is overwhelming and doesn't seem worth it. What she needs is for someone else (you, most likely) to make it as easy as possible for her to take a break. If she is the "get out of the house" kind of person, come home from work, hand her keys to the car and a gift card to a spa and tell her "you have an appointment for a massage in 20 minutes. I've got the kids." (make the appointment for her first). If that's not her thing, buy her a movie ticket or something or gift card to a restaurant/bookstore/etc. Give her everything she needs to get out of the house: funds, time, plans. Tell her it doesn't matter when she comes home, you can do bedtime alone. If she's not the kind that finds going out to be relaxing, you can still do this for her. Come home with her favorite wine/chocolate/magazine/pizza whatever and immediately put both kids in the car (without asking her for help) and take them out somewhere (restaurant, library, park, mall, grocery store, book store) for a few hours. Bring them home, put them to bed by yourself, and see if you can figure out a chore that she usually does that you can do for her, but don't just ask "Do you need help with anything?" The main reasons I never helped myself when I felt burned out where that it just felt too hard to plan to go anywhere and it seemed easier to do all the chores myself than to ask anyone for help. The best thing you can do fer her is to take some of the initiative yourself. She is probably so burnt out that the prospect of “making plans with her friends” is overwhelming and doesn’t seem worth it. What she needs is for someone else (you, most likely) to make it as easy as possible for her to take a break. If she is the “get out of the house” kind of person, come home from work, hand her keys to the car and a gift card to a spa and tell her “you have an appointment for a massage in 20 minutes. I’ve got the kids.” (make the appointment for her first). If that’s not her thing, buy her a movie ticket or something or gift card to a restaurant/bookstore/etc. Give her everything she needs to get out of the house: funds, time, plans. Tell her it doesn’t matter when she comes home, you can do bedtime alone. If she’s not the kind that finds going out to be relaxing, you can still do this for her. Come home with her favorite wine/chocolate/magazine/pizza whatever and immediately put both kids in the car (without asking her for help) and take them out somewhere (restaurant, library, park, mall, grocery store, book store) for a few hours. Bring them home, put them to bed by yourself, and see if you can figure out a chore that she usually does that you can do for her, but don’t just ask “Do you need help with anything?”

The main reasons I never helped myself when I felt burned out where that it just felt too hard to plan to go anywhere and it seemed easier to do all the chores myself than to ask anyone for help. The best thing you can do fer her is to take some of the initiative yourself.

]]> By: John http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-7392 John Tue, 10 Aug 2010 20:33:55 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-7392 I am a husband looking for ways to help my wife with Mommy Burnout. She is burnt, there is no denying it. She is exhausted, irritable and angry most of the day long. Some days seem to be OK, most days are filled with anger stemming from burnout. We have 2 kids, a 6 month old girl and a 5 year old boy. My wife also works 20-30 hours per week at home. She is also a perfectionist. I know it is the perfect storm for Mommy burnout. I flip between trying to an attentive listener wihout offering solutions...which will usually get me an earful about how I need to "do something about it". I have tried to recommend solutions like "why don't you make plans with your friends and I'll take the kids"...which usually get me an earful of "you just don't understand". I wish I had more time to provide more details. I need to help her but I just don't know what to do any longer. I am a husband looking for ways to help my wife with Mommy Burnout. She is burnt, there is no denying it. She is exhausted, irritable and angry most of the day long. Some days seem to be OK, most days are filled with anger stemming from burnout.

We have 2 kids, a 6 month old girl and a 5 year old boy. My wife also works 20-30 hours per week at home. She is also a perfectionist. I know it is the perfect storm for Mommy burnout.

I flip between trying to an attentive listener wihout offering solutions…which will usually get me an earful about how I need to “do something about it”. I have tried to recommend solutions like “why don’t you make plans with your friends and I’ll take the kids”…which usually get me an earful of “you just don’t understand”.

I wish I had more time to provide more details. I need to help her but I just don’t know what to do any longer.

]]> By: Sam http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-7288 Sam Tue, 03 Aug 2010 23:34:28 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-7288 It's good to know that I'm not alone. Because I'm surrounded by people who focus on my mental illness as an excuse to ignore what I'm saying, and it's so hard. So other mothers feel rage sometimes, too. Maybe I'm not as crazy as folks think. It’s good to know that I’m not alone. Because I’m surrounded by people who focus on my mental illness as an excuse to ignore what I’m saying, and it’s so hard. So other mothers feel rage sometimes, too. Maybe I’m not as crazy as folks think.

]]> By: Marilyn http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-6925 Marilyn Wed, 07 Jul 2010 14:29:55 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-6925 Hi Sarah, Thanks for your note back to me. Your blog hit home more than you know- right down to the fight with my husband on the way into the office. Your note back made me cry and then cheered me up. It helps to learn that I am not alone. I run a business, have three kids under ten, and a husband with a demanding job and there are days when I think that I am going to loose my mind. I have a nanny, a supportive husband, friends etc...But there are days when I'm not sure how I am going to keep it all together. I have no idea how women with fewer resources manage. I am President and CEO of it all and it would be nice if someone else took charge once in a while. Thanks for sharing and listening. Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your note back to me. Your blog hit home more than you know- right down to the fight with my husband on the way into the office. Your note back made me cry and then cheered me up. It helps to learn that I am not alone. I run a business, have three kids under ten, and a husband with a demanding job and there are days when I think that I am going to loose my mind. I have a nanny, a supportive husband, friends etc…But there are days when I’m not sure how I am going to keep it all together. I have no idea how women with fewer resources manage. I am President and CEO of it all and it would be nice if someone else took charge once in a while. Thanks for sharing and listening.

]]> By: Sarah http://momalom.com/2009/04/in-response-to-dr-sears-mommy-burnout-and-the-fight-i-had-with-my-husband-this-morning/comment-page-1/#comment-6897 Sarah Tue, 06 Jul 2010 15:03:28 +0000 http://momalom.com/?p=46#comment-6897 Marilyn, I adore that you've read such an old, old post. It is sooooo long that I can barely even skim it now. Why? So tired. So burnt out. It's a year later and I am STILL burnt out and should probably go back and read my own advice. One question: how the heck did I even have enough brain power back then to put such a LIST together? Can barely formulate a single cohesive thought IN A DAY now. :) Marilyn,

I adore that you’ve read such an old, old post. It is sooooo long that I can barely even skim it now. Why? So tired. So burnt out. It’s a year later and I am STILL burnt out and should probably go back and read my own advice.

One question: how the heck did I even have enough brain power back then to put such a LIST together? Can barely formulate a single cohesive thought IN A DAY now.

:)

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