Comments on: Mother to three boys – Just thinking out loud again

By: sara J

sara J — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 14:53:31 +0000

OMG, I have tears… such an articulate post. I have 3 boys, 4,6 and 7 years old. It was CRAZY having 3 boys under the age of three. Things have calmed down and I initially was happy to have some freedom when they were able to do their own things and play with eachother, but increasingly I am alone as “they” watch football or play video games, wrestle, play football. I know this gets worse, especially as they get older. What makes it worse is that although I am extremely close with my mom, she won’t live forever. I also have no sisters ( 3 brothers) and my husband has 2 brothers, no sisters.
After my last baby I came down with a painful autoimmune disease and I had to be put on toxic drugs so that I could move/ walk again. ( A very necessary thing with 3 under3). I couldn’t entertain having another one and trying for a girl due to my health and the drugs effects on potential fetuses.

Now I am almost 36 and off the drugs. I could possibly do it. Should I ? I read Shettles book and could try with supposedly 80% chance of a girl. but then I think what if it was a boy, he’d be so much younger then the others and feel left out all the time. I know I’d love him to pieces but he’d figure out we wanted him to be a girl. Is it selfish ? My husband says it is up to me on wether we go ahead or not.

So wonderful to have found you all. I LOVE my boys ! They are awesome.

Sara J

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 01:51:35 +0000

I was just searching the internet to see if there was a blog for mothers of 3 boys, I had thought of starting a “support group” or bonding club,just someone who understands. My boys are the same ages, from 6 to 1 and I can relate completely to what you are saying! I completely expected 2 girls and hear I am without even one and 3 children to care for. It is sooo hard!! The way they interact with each other seems so different than all my friends who have one boy and one girl. Please tell me if anyone else experiences this… they are sometimes so rough that I don’t even know how to relate to them!

By: Jaime

Jaime — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 22:13:56 +0000

You all are definitely not alone in thinking this way.

We found out today that baby #3 is a boy…. another healthy, loud and proud little boy. Of course, this is the end of the line in baby making for hubby and I. Having to face the fact that I am never going to have that little girl I so long have hoped and ached for is quite the emotional battlefield. I feel blessed to have another healthy child to love and care for, but at the same time I want to feel that closeness that I have with my mother, with a daughter of my own.

Here’s to the hope for great daughter-in-laws and grand-daughters! =)

By: Tracey

Tracey — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 16:53:55 +0000

Hi Sarah
I am glad to have found your post because what you wrote is how I have always felt, and what people say to you, I have always heard. Our sons are now 22 and 20 and the oldest just got married. We were a very close family, I was a stay at home mom and my kids were my world. Their father and I are close and have always had a great relationship. When our boys went off to college I was sad, but did okay. That is what we raised them for. And when they started dating seriously, still I was okay. We want them to be happy and in love. But as the wedding day approached, things started to change. Our son promises it will be different after the wedding and I pray that is so. But I can tell you as much as I enjoyed the wedding, because it was beautiful and everyone was so happy. I learned that the family of the groom are ignored by the photographer and that all that matters is the brides family. The only photo the photographer took with me or my husband was when we posed with the brides parents, probably when entered the reception and hopefully when my son and I danced (which was amazing and very sad at the same time). Please think about adoption. If this could happen to me, who has always had a wonderful relationship with my sons, it can happen to you. Our youngest son is dating a woman who is very close to her mom. My mom died when I was 6 and I was never close to my step mom, nor any of my step sisters, and my grandmothers died when I was young. You are blessed that you are close to your mom and sister. I do have a great best friend and am close to her daughters, but I will never have a daughter unless at 49 I consider adopting an older girl that needs a family. I wish you the best. Enjoy the precious time you have.

By: A very wealthy life — Momalom

A very wealthy life — Momalom — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:43:21 +0000

[...] that I do wrong. Nor tag all my flaws. They are there to be seen. I curse. I cry. I crave freedom. I expose it all for the world to see. And though sometimes I fear what the world sees in me, I fear not what I see in myself. It is my [...]

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 02:22:11 +0000

No, you are so completely NOT alone.

By: Mama

Mama — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 02:00:53 +0000

Sarah, YES. YES, YES, and YES again. I thank you so much. I feel heard!

And I feel even sadder now, but that is okay, because I know I am not alone.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 17:53:37 +0000

You know, it’s not really difficult. It just is. I never had my heart set on a daughter, either. Never. In fact, I wondered what the hell I would do with a girl if I ever had one. I didn’t get a pedicure until I was 22. I didn’t know how to use make-up. I wore jeans with holes and climbed trees and played Rambo. But it has dawned on me, as I’ve come into my own FINALLY, that these things don’t make up a girl. Clothes, hair, tea parties, baton-twirling, pink banana seat bikes. It’s the strength that we are born with, as women, that I will miss. That I wish I could witness growing up, from infancy through adolescence to graduations and weddings and LIFE AS I KNOW IT NOW. Of course, it wouldn’t ever work out so sweetly and so easily. I would have the daughter that found me fatally flawed and ran away and never came back (as I did at her age). But I still wish for it. All of it. Call me crazy.

And while this post is just a drop of a thought in the big bucket of me, I suppose it is a bit larger and heavier than most. But with my boys, I am already spilling over, so it’s all okay. It’s just a thought. And knowing that I’ve got my mother, my sister, my closest friends and you, Goldfish, makes it easier to clear away…

By: Goldfish

Goldfish — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:03:09 +0000

Oh, Sarah. As the mother of three boys, I understand so much of what you are saying. I will say that I never had my heart set on a daughter. Maybe this speaks to my background? I’ve always been very close to my dad and at odds with my mom and maybe don’t have the same mother-daughter bond that you know. But, given that, when we knew we were done after three boys, I did mourn the daughter I will never have. I could go on and on…. I may write a post about this. But mostly, I’m sorry that it’s so difficult. And you know that I am here with you, every step of the way as these boys of our grow. (PS– your writing is so clear that it gives me goosebumps.)

By: Liz

Liz — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 13:55:52 +0000

I swear, you put into words what I have always thought but never been able to articulate or–even more so–admit. I will be sharing your post with my sister (mother of 2 boys, like me) and my hubby (who insists that they will want to be around me and share and love and bond even when they grow up). I don’t know if I believe him, but when I don’t and allow myself to think that I might “have them” for only a few years, I find solace in the idea of watching these two boys grow up into men and what an amazing gift and honor that is to be a part of.