Why It Shouldn’t Have Worked

When J and I started dating:

We worked together

He was (I thought) unavailable

I had never been in a serious relationship with a man

Within weeks I moved two hours away (to enroll in one of my unfinished graduate programs)

We were (still are!) 13 years apart in age

But here we are, almost 11 years later. I’ve known him for nearly 13 years, and I can’t imagine my life without him.  Cliched? Yes. But true, I’m happy to say. Tonight, as we walked along the bike path, with our three children—two on their bikes and one in a stroller—we laughed at days past, when just the two of us used to run or walk together (“Holding hands,” I said) along the same path. After work. On summer nights just like this one. Self absorbed and unaware. Unaware of what lay ahead. Our future. Challenges. Accomplishments. And most of all, our children.

I miss those days. I miss the time we had for just us. I miss the quiet. Sitting in a room together and just being there. A meal. A walk. Holding hands! But tonight—on our rare evening excursion, after a picnic dinner from the deli of cold macaroni salad, pistachios, blueberries, chevre and French bread, and cookies—our walk felt not so different from those earlier ones. The water under the railroad bridge was swirling with the currents of springtime rains. The sun shone in our eyes as it set behind the mountains. Bikes and in-line skaters sped past us. The briny smells of the river’s shore took me by surprise. And the rows and rows of  newly planted corn and lettuce stretched beside us on the riverside farms.

We chose to live in this place. To raise our children here. Just as we chose each other. It seemed that the odds were against us. But we knew it was right. And we’ve made the transition from two to three to four to five. And tonight was one of those rare nights without a temper tantrum or illness or scheduling conflicts or overwhelming fatigue. It was a beautiful night, and a parenting success. An easy stroll on the bike path, over the river and through the farms, felt like an accomplishment equal to finding the love of my life.