It’s taken me seven years of parenthood to see that I’m better when I’m busy. And I am. I love my kids more. More? Yes, More. I work full-time. Monday through Friday. I exhaust myself by showering and dressing and drying my hair. By choosing just how presentable I’m going to look at the office today. By fitting all my wants and needs around this uncompromising schedule that ties me to a desk, and a computer, and a phone, and a money-making lifestyle. (Not much money, mind you. Don’t get the wrong idea.) I have a calendar on the kitchen [...]
Read More in mind/body, paid work, Sarah WritesAugust 2009
August 31, 2009
I’ll put it on the schedule
August 30, 2009
All this crying in my house.
Is there a point in this parenting gig where a whole day goes by without anyone in the family crying? Makes me want to listen to kd lang’s version of the Roy Orbison song and wail along with her. But somebody would probably just start crying because s/he doesn’t like the song, or didn’t get to choose the song, or doesn’t know the words to the song, or can’t hear the song “youd enough.” For instance.
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsAugust 28, 2009
The first child
The first child is always first. Always. And it makes me kind of crazy. Because the second child is now the middle child. And the third child has to just cope with everything that the first child needs. And there is always something he needs. Help tying his shoes. Another snack. More water in his Thermos. To be read to. A hug. Attention. He always needs my attention. And his first younger sister the now middle child has always been second. Because she is patient and understanding and kind. Because she can entertain herself comfortably happily. She is not nervous [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, oldest child, three kidsAugust 26, 2009
Friends, lovers. Oh Mother.
There are a million reasons why I don’t feel like I can do a good job posting tonight. First and foremost is Sarah’s post from last night. Read it. Or go back and read it again. I think it’s the beginning of something. A discussion maybe. Or a thread. Because I used to date women, too. And even though my experiences were very different, I completely understand what she’s saying. I completely agree that relationships with women after motherhood are dramatically changed. Forever changed. And I know that I will have more to say about this. But for now, I [...]
Read More in three kidsAugust 25, 2009
I used to date women
Yup. I used to date women. It started in high school. Wait. Strike that. It started in high school. It started in fourth grade. Ashley Parker. We used to bend down and kiss each other on the lips behind the hedgerow before I hurried off to my mother’s car at the end of the driveway. Wait. Revelation. It started before THAT. Lauren Pearson. We once pulled our pants down during a playdate and smooshed our bodies together. Just laying and smooshing. A few minutes later we were back to making up songs and chasing each other around the house, weaving [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesAugust 24, 2009
Three Kids. One Mommy.
Three kids: Full of energy. One Mommy: Dragging. Three kids: Resist sleep. One Mommy: Craving sleep. Three kids: Loud. One Mommy: Wishing for earplugs most of the time. Three kids: MESSY. One Mommy: Constantly lowering the clean standards. Three kids: Whiny. One Mommy: Impatient. Three kids: Funny as all hell. One Mommy: Laughing a lot. Three kids: Creative. One Mommy: Impressed. Three kids: Allies. One Mommy: In BIG trouble. Three kids: Loving. One Mommy: Lucky. Three kids: Asleep. One Mommy: Eating leftover Chinese food.
Read More in Favorites, Jen Writes, Jen's Favorites, three kidsAugust 23, 2009
Seven Pictures for my Seven Year Old
I’m not prone to sadness about my kid growing up, but I’m getting a bit teary tonight. Typical of the first child, I pushed Jamis to walk, to talk, to the potty, and then off to school. And now I want to stop the clock. He’s gotten too old. I could use a rewind. To turn back the time. To hold him again – his whole body fitting within my body. Happy Number Seven biggest boy. You saved my life. And gave me a new life. And it’s a beautiful place to be.
Read More in birthday, oldest child, Sarah WritesAugust 22, 2009
30 Years Between Them
Here they are. The birthday duo. Their first encounter. 2002 That year we began a journey. As sisters. And then as mothers. And here we are. We have arrived. Happy Birthday Sister. I love you.
Read More in birthday, Sarah Writes, sistersAugust 21, 2009
Birthdays.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I am exactly 30 years older than my oldest nephew. I remember the day Sarah called to tell me she was expecting. She said she had a very early birthday present for me. It was a difficult phone call. She and I were not close then. We were geographically distant, emotionally distant. We were living very different lives, and we rarely spoke on the phone. I know now how difficult that call was for her to make. And I know that I didn’t respond well. I’m sure I didn’t congratulate her. Frankly, I was shocked. And [...]
Read More in birthday, Jen Writes, oldest child, sisters, three kidsAugust 20, 2009
I hate birthday parties
So I’ll say it. I hate planning birthday parties. I get stressed, anxious, and generally grumpy surrounding the whole birthday party thing. Do we have one? When do we have one? What day, what time, and where? Of course WHERE is of huge importance to the kid, and when is a matter of convenience for the parents – the me-parent and the parents of the OTHER kids, as well. And then there’s the whole coordinating it with the ACTUAL birthday thing. Details: Of which you probably don’t care so I’ll make it brief: Sunday the 23rd Jamis turns 7. It’s [...]
Read More in birthday, oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsAugust 19, 2009
A Little Glimpse of the Pre-Kid Us
As I was running around trying to get myself and three kids ready for a day at the beach this morning, I heard, “Doesn’t Mommy look nice today.” The kids and I were due to meet some friends at 9 a.m. Things were not going smoothly. Then, “Haven’t seen that one in a while.” Suddenly, I wasn’t frantically trying to find Thermoses and swimmy diapers and sun hats or yelling at the kids to Get Your Swimsuits ON. I stopped. I was wearing a comfy, old sundress. One I used to wear to the beach. But it has been a [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, relationshipAugust 18, 2009
Perception is not Reality – Making a Case for the Tummy Tuck
My internet at work has been very temperamental. In and out and In and Out. But because this is a Tuesday, and Jen and I are both at work, we are required to have a few words exchange via Instant Messaging. It makes the day happy to have our misspelled words bounced around in AIM. So, spotty internet service would have threatened the state of the universe if not for…my trusty iPhone. It was at the ready when Jen pinged me at 9:29 am. Here I was, hovering over my phone at my office desk, typing furiously on the little [...]
Read More in body image, mind/body, Sarah WritesAugust 18, 2009
annnnnd… making a case for the BOOB job
So I read In the Trenches of Mommyhood. I write a post. I write a comment. I IM with Jen. And now I’m feeling kind of gung-ho. So here’s the resulting texting between myself and my husband. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see (as if he reads) that I’ve posted it here. 1:28 PM ME: I’ve decided something. HIM: Great. What is it. ME: Well. If u don’t want to try to have that girl someday. I might just go out and buy some new girls of my own. ME: You know, the kind you wear around all the [...]
Read More in body image, relationship, Sarah WritesAugust 17, 2009
Thanks for Staying With Me (Us)
I’ve been working on a project that I can’t even blog about. It’s too top secret. And it’s keeping me from the blog world except to check in briefly on a few favorites every few days. The less time I have to myself, the more I find I need to trim what I do with it. It’s kind of like my day job: There’s only so much page space, and so the words need to be cut to fit. Except that in blogging life it’s the limited time I have to read all of the infinite postings out there. Here’s [...]
Read More in UncategorizedAugust 10, 2009
Bad weekend brings career change
The rain stopped. The humidity dropped. We had gorgeous weather all weekend. Even the gray parts of Sunday were a welcome retreat from lightning bolts and sticky feet. But even if the Earth and Sun cooperated, it just wasn’t an A+ parenting weekend. I called my kid a little shit. To his face, people, to his face! I swore more times than I really should have. In my mind AND out loud. All patience was lost. The only time I relaxed was during my Saturday morning run, which was rushed because we had guests coming to town. Why, oh why, [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, workAugust 9, 2009
Mysteries unearthed
Friday I took my kids to the park. It was 3 in the afternoon. The baby had woken from her nap. Quiet time was over. We were at loose ends. So I strapped the girls into the bike trailer, B hopped on his scooter, and off we went. The park nearest us is a gem. Before J and I had kids we went occasionally, but it’s really a much better destination for families. Playgrounds, lots of space to run around, animals, swings. And trees. And a river. And rocks. So after a little time on the swings and playing with [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kids, UncategorizedAugust 6, 2009
Exercise isn’t just for athletes
Today I went swimming at lunch. Which means I am no longer pumping at work. Which means that this is likely my first post in which I actively mention GUILT. Sarah, you no longer are alone. I have wanted to start swimming again for a while. I love it. It’s something I can do at lunch at work. It doesn’t cause severe pain to my body. And I can self-motivate myself to swim better than any other sport or workout. Over the past six years, my exercise regimen has been spotty. The demands of pregnancy, childbirth and mothering young children [...]
Read More in exercise, Jen Writes, youngest childAugust 5, 2009
Newly Mothering
Yup, I’m on Facebook. Who isn’t? It’s kind of like Twitter…and sex…I go through phases. This week I am happy to announce that I’ve reconnected with an old high school friend. We’ve been Facebook “friends” for a little while but never really had much to say to one another. I don’t think either of us are particularly poised for rehashing our adolescent years at the all-girls’ boarding school we attended. Well, at least not without some margaritas in a dark mexican lounge with about 5 other post-boarding school babes surrounding us. (Hmm, that idea IS sounding a little fun right [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, motherhood, Sarah Writes, Sarah's FavoritesAugust 2, 2009
Growing Pains
Last night B woke up, twice, with leg cramps. This happens occasionally, and yesterday he was riding his scooter and showing me tricks for much of the afternoon. He wore out his little leg muscles and woke up in pain. As I rubbed his calf and listened to him whimper and hold his breath, I remembered waking with cramps when I was a kid. Lying awake in my bed feeling they would never go away. And then, just as quickly as they had come on, the cramps would disappear, the muscles would relax. I feel the same about the house [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, three kids, UncategorizedAugust 1, 2009
it’s the minutae that gets in the way of the big picture
S to top it all off… S he took my car to get the emissions test again J i could give you 5 more examples off the top of my head. S to a different place J but i will spare you J did it pass? S and i didn’t have the paperwork in the car S so he called me J oh NO S and it’s at home S and he fucking hung up on me J shiite J no WAY J that is rude S so i called him back and said forget it S i’ll deal with [...]
Read More in three kidsAugust 1, 2009
A Typical and Tender IM Session
J blog? S so having the blog has changed the way i look at my life and my kids. i need to blog about how the blog has changed things. but last night i stood outside and watched my beautiful children playing. it was way past their bedtime and the sun was going down and there was the tiniest drizzle outside and dan was working with his saw and hammering shit and there was music playing from the garage and i just stood there smiling and smilng and smiling and feeling so damn lucky. S two little boys were wearing [...]
Read More in three kids