Comments on: I used to date women

By: Shawna

Shawna — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 18:36:51 +0000

This reminded me of a conversation I was having with some friends about how much our friendships changed, came and went as a result of parenthood. How our childless friends can no longer relate and how different parenting styles can quickly reduce friendships that were once solid to shaky at best. Of course we were not nearly as articulate about it as you. Beautiful, beautiful, needed to be said post…..in fact, it may just be the inspiration I need to get back to posting.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:31:58 +0000

Wow, Sarah, I love your honesty and I am amazed by how you can connect all of this and put it into the context of motherhood and what it can do to our friendships. I sometimes think the friendships (new and old) suffer because of lack of time and energy…as in, “I miss you and we have to get together when we have time” or “I think I might like that woman, but I don’t have time for my old friends; I certainly don’t have time for new ones.” I am also one of those strange, not-interested-in-your-chit-chat ones. I have often blamed myself for being self-centerered or preoccupied and that is why I could care less about the chit chat. Now I am starting to think that maybe it’s more: maybe I just want to put the bullshit aside and really talk and dig in there…and there are not too many women in my life, unfortunately, who get that about me.

By: Friends, lovers. Oh Mother. — Momalom

Friends, lovers. Oh Mother. — Momalom — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 23:57:52 +0000

[...] reasons why I don’t feel like I can do a good job posting tonight. First and foremost is Sarah’s post from last night. Read it. Or go back and read it again. I think it’s the beginning of something. A discussion [...]

By: Goldfish

Goldfish — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 22:16:35 +0000

I was here. Just wanted to let you know. And this is too important for a quick read while my kids are yelling at each other in the background. But I was here and I’m glad.. beyond glad… that you wrote this. Back for more when I can give you the presence you deserve.

By: kermitat

kermitat — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 15:46:32 +0000

Your post made me think of a conversation I’ve often had with your sis. Why does our society/mass media/family insist on foisting ideas about sexuality on us and our children. From the slutty toddler clothes at Target to the declaration from well-meaning friends and family to me about my daughter: “Oh, Z is going to break all the little boys’ hearts!” (BTW, I never know how to respond to THAT one. Seems like a mouthful to say, “Well, maybe she’ll break a few girls’ hearts, too, but whoever’s hearts she breaks, I hope she does it with empathy and compassion–and anybody who breaks her heart is dead f*ing meat.”)

There is something to be said for letting children discover these things on their own, the way you did, Sarah, with smooshing and smooching. But there’s also a lot of confusing territory. (Case in point–In 5th grade, a boy rubbed a piece of blue rubber (probably from a pool toy or something) on me and declared, “Now you can’t have a baby.” I asked what the heck he was talking about, and he said, “It’s a rubber. You wear one of these if you don’t want to have a baby.” So first I thought he rendered me sterile by touching me with the blue rectangle. But I thought a lot about it and realized how dumb I was being: I needed to somehow pin this piece of rubber to my clothing (think gold stars on Jews in Nazi Germany) as an outward symbol to people that I didn’t want to have a baby. Duh! Then I thought even more and became worried that because I wasn’t wearing this blue declaration/decoration, I might end up having a baby by accident. I spent a lot of that fifth-grade year thinking about all this until I was distracted by the Smurfs.)

So how do we come up with the right combo for our kids of guiding them and letting them discover for themselves when it comes to relationships and sensuality in the broadest sense? Without unintentionally (I hope) boxing them into preconceived ideas about whom we should and shouldn’t be smooshing with? And what the heck do I say the next time someone tells me that Z will someday meet the man of her dreams and have a family with him, in a way that this adult and, more important, 2 1/2-year-old Z (who hears everything but doesn’t necessarily understand it), will not be totally freaked out?

By: nic @mybottlesup

nic @mybottlesup — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 14:14:30 +0000

gosh, i soooooooo relate to this sarah. the isolation that comes with motherhood is NOT one that i anticipated, nor one that i am willing to accept… however, it seems to still just be there.

hence, my connection with women via blogging, etc… these peeps, you and jen included, are my female connection.

it’s when i read posts like this that i want to spend the rest of the day in bed, reading “the red tent” and pondering where the community of women who raises each other’s children together has gone…