I look around the house and see pieces of my life that need fixing every day. The toilet runs downstairs. The wallpaper is only half-finished. The trim fell off the vent. It needs to be painted. There are no pictures on the walls. There is no room here complete. I want a deck. I want a garden. I want a mud room that is functional. I need my own bathroom. I need my own closet. I need an addendum to my current life. Can we do that? Can we put an addition onto our lives while we are still living [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 2009
September 29, 2009
Addendum to my life
September 28, 2009
The Unexpected
Oh, is it my turn to post? Sorry, I guess I’ve been distracted by a few other things. You know, the usual daily routines of raising children. Feeding, clothing, transporting. Also, children’s birthdays (two this week); school fundraisers; work deadlines; book group (at least I finished the book this time. But, um, isn’t it my pick? Damn.); preparing for a crew race this weekend; paying bills creatively; planning a birthday party; and the list goes on. But it is the transporting that got a little more difficult this week. Sunday evening, on the way back from a family visit, my [...]
Read More in birthday, Jen Writes, three kidsSeptember 24, 2009
I am tired of talking
I am always talking. Words are always coming out of my mouth. I would say that about 5% of the time I am actually saying the things I want to be saying. The other 95% of the time I am either saying the things that need to be said or saying things that will fill the air. I say things at work to fill the air. To bring laughter. Shock and laughter. It feels good to hear this laughter when everything else about my job is really just NOT funny. I say things to friends to fill the air. To [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 22, 2009
Fighting the inFLUence
OK. So it’s flu season. Yeah yeah yeah. The kids have had their shots. We’ll wash our hands. We’ll sneeze in our sleeves. We’ll get the H1N1 shot when it comes out, too. Honestly, I’m not that freaked out. We’ll take precautions. We’ll get the flu or we won’t. We’ll deal. But, here’s what I could really use: A vaccine that fights bad behavior. More specifically, a shot that vaccinates a younger sibling from the bad habits of the older sibling. My oldest always has been the most difficult child. He is sensitive. He is creative. He is impatient. He [...]
Read More in health, Jen Writes, middle child, oldest child, siblings, three kidsSeptember 21, 2009
I could be a better mother- Part 1 (outline?)
I’m exhausted. I’m just exhausted. Every minute or two I remember something else that needs to be accomplished. Right now? The tooth fairy. “Don’t go to bed before the tooth fairy lands!” looms in the back of my head. I will almost forget. I will turn off the tv. I will put my head down. I will close my eyes. I will sigh big and deep and well-deserved, and then I’ll say FUCK! It’s what I do. And thank goodness for that. Cause if I didn’t remember I KNOW I’d be doing something wrong. And that’s the question. How do [...]
Read More in motherhood, paid work, Sarah Writes, three kids, workSeptember 19, 2009
Yes. It really takes that long to …
Having three kids, I could finish that sentence any number of ways. But, today, tonight, … put the kids to bed. Twice in the last week I have found myself explaining why it is I start the bedtime ritual so early. Two friends with one child each (Please notice I did not say “only” one child or “just” one child. This is not a judgment post. Just one of what it’s like to be outnumbered by one’s children.) have caught me in the early stages of bedtime recently. And, yes, it really is 6:30, and I really am ferrying the [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsSeptember 19, 2009
A long post about changes in motherhood
I have spent most of the last six years in the company of babies, toddlers, preschoolers and, just recently, a kindergartner and his friends. Also, many moms of these children. These moms are around my age–within five years in most cases. Some work full time, most work part time, like me. Some have one child, some have two, a few have three. All are women who put their children first, as I do. Some are single, some are married. Some spend time exercising or writing or going to knitting clubs or book groups. Some are even able to do the [...]
Read More in exercise, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, Jen's Favorites, mind/body, motherhood, three kidsSeptember 16, 2009
Looking beyond the look(s)
Tolerance. I hate that word. I hate it because is it really so so difficult to just skip ahead to acceptance? I hate it because I identified with the gay community for a while, and still do sometimes, strangely enough, and the word tolerance meant difference to me. Not good difference. Difference that somebody might be willing to put up with in the right circumstances. But difference. And. Not as good. But, tolerance. It’s back. And I am learning the mom side of it now. And in this frenzied life of mine I’m realizing that I have become more … [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsSeptember 14, 2009
Frazzlement
I’m living in Jen’s last post. Living IT. Living IN it. It is me. My life comes down to those first five sentences. And the fact that I can’t do everything. Actually, I can hardly do anything anymore. Because I try to do everything, I can hardly do anything. I fuck up all the time. No, really. All.the.time. I really do. Really. I pack the whole family in the car, husband included (and he’s often hard to sell on “family outings”) and head to the pool (not a quick and easy place to pack for, mind you). I hype up [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 10, 2009
I used to be smarter and less frizzy
Motherhood has fried my brain. And, let’s face it, most of the rest of me. I am frazzled, both in appearance and in mindset. I can no longer complete one task, simple or otherwise, without thinking of a half dozen other things I have to do while in the process. Everyone’s needs come before my own. My kids have bathed, are wearing clean clothes and sleeping in clean sheets. My hair is dirty, my blouse is splotched with mysterious red dots, my bed is unmade (and not exactly line-dry fresh). I wonder sometimes, lately frequently, what I did with my [...]
Read More in chores, Jen Writes, three kidsSeptember 9, 2009
I curse
What the fuck? This post has been stuck in EDIT mode for four fucking days? I curse. A lot. In anger. For emphasis. Cause it’s easy. I always have. I chalk it up to my father’s influence. He swore from the minute he opened his eyes each morning. Into the shower. While looking for a clean shirt. While ironing a semi-clean shirt. While spilling coffee down a now-quite-dirty shirt. Fuck. Shit. Damn. Fuck (again). So I was a teenager. Once. A fun-loving, “mood-enhancing,” love-making teenager. Swearing. Cursing. Acting my age. But now I’m 30. Past 30. And I have three [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 5, 2009
Pests
September 3, 2009
Lists
Note: Sarah is not the only one of us who makes lists. 1. I have spent the last week making lists 2. This doesn’t make last week any different from any other week, except for 3. The sheer number of lists 4. There are the lists pertaining to cupcakes a. raw ingredients b. ingredients tally for making 125 vanilla cupcakes c. ingredients tally for making 125 chocolate cupcakes d. total ingredients tally e. specific stores I must go to in order to acquire which ingredients f. other necessary items to purchase g. timing of cupcake preparation h. materials needed to [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsSeptember 2, 2009
Little Stuff
this is: about breakfast our morning routine and waking up: i hate waking up my bed is a cloud a dreamy cloud i don’t visit enough i want to stay where i am on my cloud all alone i want silence i’d like all the chirping of sweet morning children to be in the background another layer not quite beside me yet but it isn’t that way and i peel back the covers and i trod down the stairs and i drip in the coffee i pour cereal and cut fruit and change diapers and check my attitude i melt [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, mind/body, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsSeptember 1, 2009
The noises coming from upstairs
I am trying to write something useful. Again. I have started three different posts. All take too much brain power to bring to a satisfactory (to me) completion. I don’t have a migraine. I ate today. I exercised today. I didn’t yell at my kids at bedtime. I slept relatively well last night. All of this together brings me as close to being in top form as I get these days. But I can’t make myself see the intended posts through. My problem is perfection. I have an idea in my mind. An idea that encompasses all that I want [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, three kids, writing