OK. So it’s flu season. Yeah yeah yeah. The kids have had their shots. We’ll wash our hands. We’ll sneeze in our sleeves. We’ll get the H1N1 shot when it comes out, too. Honestly, I’m not that freaked out. We’ll take precautions. We’ll get the flu or we won’t. We’ll deal.
But, here’s what I could really use: A vaccine that fights bad behavior. More specifically, a shot that vaccinates a younger sibling from the bad habits of the older sibling.
My oldest always has been the most difficult child. He is sensitive. He is creative. He is impatient. He has very high expectations of himself and of others. (He is much like me. Shhh…) And S, at just 17 months younger than B, is his polar opposite. Content. Confident. Patient. Reasonable.
Except, lately? She’s behaving just like B. Tantrums. Ornery responses to the most benign requests from me. Screaming fits that could take B’s on any day. And she knows it. She knows that the behavior comes straight from him. She is seeking our attention, no matter that it is negative attention. Because for all of her short little life she has seen her older brother get more attention. Demand more attention. And I expect she’s just about had enough. I hear her. I understand. I do.
The problem is that I have had about enough of both of them lately. I can’t do enough to keep them apart and out of each others’ hair. No one is behaving well around here, including me.
So I’m wondering. Could somebody please be the Jonas Salk of bad behavior. Can we just “nip this in the bud” as momalom’s mom would say? Because it’s going to be a long, long indoor season. Flu or no flu.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Smile. I am in serious need of that vaccine around here too…
LOL at the Jonas Salk of bad behavior! ALL of our kids would be in the doc’s office PRONTO!
Love this. Especially “the Jonas Salk of bad behavior”… Isn’t it amazing really that we go crazy about things we often can’t control (the wayward route of the flu during its season) and right in our own homes there are so many things that make us crazy. In my opinion, it all boils down to control. The control we desperately crave. The control we attempt to gain by giving shots and making lists. The control we never really have.
A poetic example of lack of control (and questionable behavior)? While I was typing the above paragraph, Baby crawled into the bathroom. She was so quiet I got worried. I went in there and she was standing up at the toilet, fishing toilet paper (yes, used) out of the bowl with a spatula.
Ah, control. If only.
(Love your blog!)
Twitter: ADonnRowley
Have you tried a “star chart”? Everytime you catch them being “well behaved” you award a star. “Look, you started to scream and then you stopped. You get a star! Wahoo!!” “Wow, you asked instead of demanded, thank you!, you get a star!” “You let her have that toy even though you were playing with it – what a wonderful thing to do. Let’s put a star on the chart!” Start small- 5 stars gets you a treat (small but lusted after — a popsicle, perhaps?) and gradually increase the number of stars which translate into rewards as they begin to get the hang of it. Be sure the rewards come frequently enough to keep the whole process exciting. My 20-somethings still remember their Star Chart with fondness….. and it was a much more constructive way to deal with obnoxious behavior than joining in and screeching back at them. It’s not Jonas Salk (owes more to B.F.Skinner, actually) but it worked for us.
Ugh. I guess that I just try to remember that this is who they when they are at home, and that they are different out in the world. My most difficult child is (apparently) only difficult around me. Her teachers find her obedient, focused, affectionate, just delightful. Hmmm… Eventually we will work out our complicated mother-daughter relationship. I think it takes a long, long time.
When it’s really bad and she can’t calm down, I put her in her room and try to wait it out. It has helped me to really reward the positive behavior (kisses and hugs, talking about the good behavior, repeating the good behavior story to other family members, etc.), while really minimizing (minimal reaction, calm voice, as with terrifying bloody wound at playground, reassuring, etc.) the bad behavior/total breakdown. That’s what they did in preschool, with great success. My perfect self always does this. My real self, not so great at it.
Good luck….:-)
It gets so tiring trying to be the referee all the time. It seems to be that just when they stop fighting over the toys, or who sits where, now they bicker over, who turn it is to feed the dogs (who they all love suposedly) ,who’s turn is it to take the car,etc.. They drive me crazy with the arguing. My mom says they sound normal. Normal? Maybe I am the one not normal, because all this drives me insane!
I have been trying to keep all these crazy kids healthy (because with all the arguments I do not need them to all get the flu at once, they will probably argue over who gets to throw up first!). I am cleaning with a great germicide, it has been very effective so far!! It is called basic G, it is really great an non-toxic (I don’t want to poison they little devils that live here!) cleaner. I also have given them lots of extra vitamins too. Knock on wood, so far it has worked for us.