If I had known the utter financial ruin that having three kids would do to my life, would I have those three all over again? Well, yes, of course. But if I knew then, as they say …
I would not have purchased a 2004 VW Passat Wagon GLS. Oh, no, I wouldn’t have. Mine recently suffered its demise. It is only five years old with 80K miles. I have taken care of it. And yet, it needs a new engine. I am told by a mechanic I trust that this happens a lot with these models. Oil sludge buildup leads to total engine failure. Really? REALLY? Does that sound acceptable to you? Where is the culpability, Volkswagen? And who is going to pay for the new engine?
If I had known what I know now would I have spent money on the Sunday Times or saved it for all of the kiddo shoes I’d be buying in my not-so-distant future? Um, yeah. I’d still have bought the papers. And probably a coffee, too. These days, no Sunday Times. Who can afford 6 bucks a week? It’s not like I have time to do the crossword puzzle, anyway. And coffee is consumed at home only (well, and at work, where there’s a coffeemaker across the hall).
If I had known what I know now would I have spent $450 on a crib? Uh, NO. NO NO NO NO NO. (Anybody interested in purchasing a barely-used crib?)
I could go on. But the point is, this life of mine is financially in the hole. And it’s really very stressful. It’s very difficult to be “there” for the kids all the time when I’m worrying where the money’s going to come from for gifts for S for her birthday. Or figuring out which paycheck certain bills get paid from. Or how much can I spend at the grocery store this week. I constantly am calculating how much (little) is in my bank account. I cross my fingers that my kids don’t need to go to the pediatrician’s. That they don’t need prescription medications. Sure, I don’t want them to be sick, but I also don’t know how I’d pay for it. (And I have pretty good health insurance, folks.)
Yes, parenting is about sacrifice. It is. J and I have sacrificed for our children. We have sacrificed income so that we can be with our children and not put them in daycare. We have sacrificed time together because we can’t afford babysitters because we have sacrificed income so that we can be with our children and not put them into daycare. Etc. Etc. Etc. But now? Now it’s beyond sacrifice. Now we are just trying to survive. It would be great to have a date. But we’re just trying to make dinner out of what’s in the pantry until payday. And even then, just about every cent is allocated already. And the grocery budget is just never big enough.
We’re not starving. We’re not. We eat well. We eat healthy. I make all baked goods from scratch–from bread and muffins to crackers. I make our hummus, soups, sauces. I cook a lot of beans, which I buy dry and rehydrate in the slow cooker. When I search Google for tips on saving money on groceries, I’m already doing them. Meal planning from the store flyers, double coupons, etc. I could be WRITING those web articles!
Not too many people are comfortable talking about money. Myself included, most of the time. But these days it just seems like so many of our friends are struggling to make ends meet. And it’s discouraging. It’s discouraging because we are striving most to be good parents, and it seems so counterproductive to be struggling so much in our efforts to succeed. It’s just very very difficult to keep the focus where it should be when money is so tight. And I really really REALLY hate it.
Read More in Jen Writes, three kids
Add a Comment
I REALLY hate it too. It is the sign of our very times though isn’t it? Every one I know is speaking your language, almost verbatim. Myself included. It’s a personal challenge to find the perspective to keep me moving forward with the drive to survive and not just survive but be the better for it.
It’s so hard so see that kind of perspective. I think it has some kind of Navy Seal camouflage or something. I think that’s cheating…
Navy Seal camo. Hmm… I like it. It’s better than sticking out like a sore thumb! (Which sometimes I feel I do, in all of my consignment shopping/bread baking/old-shoe wearing ways.)
i look at other people and think, “how can you POSSIBLY afford that?” because we sure as shit can’t afford luxuries these days. between bills and food, that eats up most of the money. i get kind of envious, i’ll admit, when i hear about other people (family members, in this case) talking about putting in new carpets, or travelling. how come other people don’t have to pinch every single penny and carry a calculator to the grocery store to make sure that the bill is not over $150 including tax, because that’s all there is for groceries? seems a tad unfair.
i also make a lot of my own stuff homemade (prepackaged stuff is a killer moneywise. it is soooo convenient, but expensive). i would love to beg, borrow, or steal some of your recipes if you are willing to share.
You hit what I’m feeling right on the head! I have made decisions and sacrifices that I sometimes second-guess all in order to be home with my children. I am currently looking for a job, but hating every minute of it. But, I must for the sake of trying to hang on to what little we have left.
Like you, I hate talking about money. It’s uncomfortable and I don’t like admitting I don’t have enough. I also feel very envious of others who are seemingly doing just fine as they take vacations, buy new cars, etc. I take a deep breath and remember to be thankful for what I do have and, some days, that is difficult.
Thank you for articulating the not so proud worries many of us are experiencing during this very difficult time. It helps to know I’m not alone in having those very same anxieties.
Just wanted to let you know I have an award for you over on my blog. :)
Things are rough out there, you are right. I’m sorry about your car–that’s just the topper, isn’t it?
Virtual hug ((()))
I’m so sorry. Sorry that you’re going through this and sorry that this is a reality for so many of us. Sometimes I think the bank made a mistake. Why did they let me have a house? Even after all the fallout happened and my mortgage was examined by 6 trillion people, I still am struggling (month three) to come up with the payments. Seems like one of us should have caught on. We are eating out of our pantry too:) Although I doubt I’m as good a cook as you! I’ll send you some Reiki.
I hate that so many people seem to be going through the same struggles. Not that I want to be the only one out there counting my pennies, but there are just too many good people with their every spare moment thinking about how to increase the cash flow. I’ll trade you Reiki for lots and lots of bread.
In a word, it sucks. Part of the reason I have an almost ex husband living in the basement is because financially it’s the only thing that works right now. We’re both still in school, I am currently only working 30 hours a week and these freaking kids think dinner is a meal that happens EVERY day. (Of course we feed them daily… )
It just sucks. Plain and simple.
I can’t IMAGINE how difficult your situation is. I know I am so fortunate to have a happy (for the most part!) family and how much that counts for. Hang in there! Keep smiling and maybe your kids will expect smaller helpings. :)
dude, i commend you just for writing this and putting it out there because writing about money issues, the economy, budgets, etc… freaks the FUCK out of me. i still live in the world of “one day a tree will grow that sprouts dollar bills in lieu of leaves.” when that tree does poke through this economically unsound earth of our’s, i’ll be sure to let you know of the location.
Dollar Tree. YES! Can we all work on that, please? I personally have a BLACK thumb, but I know some pretty good landscapers.
We are fortunate enough not to be in your position right now. But that doesn’t mean we haven’t struggled too. When I was pregnant with Avery, our third I cried regularly because I didn’t know how we would get by yet again with me not working. My husband’s job situation had taken a turn for the worse since we decided to have that baby and we just didn’t know how we would get through. We took some employment risks, rearranged some things and pulled ourselves back into a better position. But it was scary. Scary. (and probably less scary for us since we have universal health care ;-) ) .
Thank you for talking about it. We all need to talk about it more so that we make better decisions and also to lower the expectations, fancy cars, expensive vacations, new houses, sure we would all like to have them but the reality is…..it just isn’t going to happen. What we have instead is a whole lot of love. A busy house. Games and walks and yet another library book. Life is good anyway. We’ll just have to run with it the way it is.
And if Nic finds that money tree I want in on it too please!!
Thanks, Shawna, for sharing your experience of COMING OUT of financial struggles a bit. It’s so difficult to feel like we are cutting corners as much as is possible. Library? CHECK. Games vs. outings? CHECK. Leftovers or pasta again? CHECK. But life IS good anyway. And we ARE running with it. So, thanks. For helping me see that it won’t be forever. I know it won’t. But but but … it’s just so easy to get caught up in the buts.