Yes, presence. It’s key. However, it is not always about the amount of time that you are around. My husband works a lot too, and it’s more important that the time he has to spend with the kids is quality time than it is that he is here for dinner every night. Dads have something with their sons that I will never have. It’s lovely. And I’m jealous. But I understand. And it is becoming more and more clear to me how important this relationship is every year that my first born gets older. He’s now 7 and after showing me a piece of artwork or how he can hit the baseball clear into the back yard I will remark, “That’s great honey!” He will immediately respond with – EVERY TIME – go tell Daddy OR can we call Daddy OR let’s show Daddy! I know he appreciates that I’ve remarked on his accomplishment, but it’s his father’s approval and admiration that he longs for. It’s so so so clear to me! And since I have only boys in this house, it is in my face every day and always on my mind!

It is exactly that envy that I was trying to hard to put aside in this post. To focus on the positives while still remaining honest about it all. My boys are little, too, I would say. 7, 2 and 1. And yes, I do a lot of kissing, hugging and overall nurturing. But it is the aging of the 7 year old that most has me thinking about this – makes me aware of the difference between parents and relationships with parents.

Envious? Absolutely. Gah! Just look at the archives for a few posts on my dreams of a daughter. :)

I think I’ve been here before, not sure through which route. But today we ended up on a list together at Five Star Fridays so I came by to check you out. I’m so glad I did. I’ll be back. :)

Peace.

Geez, why am I shouting? Sorry.

It really is something to see a father interact with his boys with no example to look back on. Sometimes I think that my husband has this blank, fresh slate, but of course he is affected just as much by his father’s lack of presence as by his distant presence, if that makes sense.

I worry that the boys will forget me. That I will just be that mother. The one that keeps them safe and clothed and fed. That I will not be able to shape them and their lives as much as their father will. Sometimes I think this is a silly thought, I am the mama after all. And then I think that even if that is the way it is going to be, they have a great father figure to follow. We’re all just so lucky to have each other. Five lucky people in my house.

(Wow, I’m in a mood today. :))

Yes, Fathers and Sons. It is complex, as all relationships are I suppose, and there is a part of it that I will never understand. The only think I know for certain is that my children look to my husband for vast amounts of approval. And they look to me to kiss the boo-boos and tell them it’ll all be ok.

Right now I am watching my husband snuggle with our son. I am amazed. I am in love. With both.

I look forward to seeing how their relationship unfolds. I have no doubt that it will be as you have described.

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Oh and by the by, I’m totally counting on you to save me for Christmas dinner. Need some spectacular Vegetarian recipe. That’s your assignment…now GO!

A while ago I started listening to this book about boys…and so much of it highlighted the relationships that sons have with their fathers and how very soul-shaping it is for a boy, even when he’s unaware. I have taken many of those words to heart, I think. And as time moves on I think I should go back and read it again. If only I could remember the name, or where I put it….I’m sure it’s on this darn computer somewhere. Wait, I’m gonna go look, you know…in case you are interested since you DO HAVE THREE SONS TOO.

Okay, that was a bit tedious since I had to go through an iTunes update BUT… The book is called Boys Should Be Boys, by Meg Meeker.

Mission Accomplished!

And PS: I wouldn’t trade it either but it’s certainly no secret around here that I’d love a little girl.