I came home all dressed up after taking my oldest son, Brevitt, to The Nutcracker Suite with tickets bought at an auction while I still had money in my pocket. “Hummada hummada you look beautiful”, my husband, Wade, admiringly said and we lustfully stared into each other’s eyes. I felt our eyes start to smolder and spark as the signal that we were sending to each other to race upstairs and tear each other’s clothes off got crossed with the noise of our three boys playing a game of hit and tackle in the living room. Once again our lustful intentions fizzled into thin air.
“If I can’t have you than I must get out of here,” Wade muttered breathlessly. After a day spent with his two rambunctious little ones he needed to let off some steam and so off he went into the freezing dark night to hike up the nearest mountain. “What about the mountain lions?” I asked as he walked off into the pitch black night. “Don’t worry my love, I’ll fight them all off with my Swiss army knife”, he laughed.
An hour went by and the boys got worried. Brevitt called Wade on his iPhone and as he held the phone up to his ear I saw his face turn white. Apparently Wade had answered the phone faking noise that he was being dragged off into the sage brush by a pride of mountain lions, “help, help me, they got me”, he cried. Funny he was not.
The truth is that Wade is not the average husband making me laugh when I feel like screaming and calling me “sex pot” when I feel like the Mad Hatter. I am convinced that he is actually an alien sent down from outer space to study the American family. He’s not an evil alien mind you sent to examine my organs but an inquisitive, mindful alien disguised in a perfectly alluring and ruggedly handsome physique.
When we first got married I woke up to find him raising his arms in the air in his sleep and performing a strange motion with his hands. There it is, I thought, confirmation. I’ll bet anything that right now he is communicating with his mother ship as he supposedly sleeps and I’m sure he’s telling them how truly wacked family life is here on Earth.
He laughed it off when I called him on it explaining that he had this nerve thing going on in his arms from building. I am not convinced. Nobody else but an alien would laugh and imitate a hell roaring, evil flame spitting dragon when roared at in the kitchen just because his big hulking body got in the way of somebody slightly resembling his wife before she was able to reach for the coffee.
The truth is, I am very happy being married to my alien who indulges my spontaneous whims and keeps me on my toes and even though I think he overplays the male impersonation by blowing his nose too loudly in the morning and performing the mating dance more often than the average Joe, I love him and I refuse to ever give him back.
This an entry to our Half-Drunk Challenge by Jillian of IsDisNormal
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Funny. This reminds me a book I read a long, long time ago called Yargo. An earth woman fell in love with an alien and he came back for her so they could be together. :-)
I think my son is an alien sometimes… ;-)
I don’t know why you wrote this anonymously! It was so sweet, so cute! And I think my husband cane down in the same mothership. Seriously. I look at him many times a day wondering what is WRONG with him… When he thinks he’s being silly, I think he’s ALIEN! My kids think he’s hysterical. I think he’s nuts. But he’s MY nuts so yes, I’ll keep him too.
Aww This is sooo cute. Love it.
Didn’t they all come from a different mothership than we did? Bravo for appreciating his differences. For loving him lustfully. Bravo for making him the subject of your writing. In my book that is daring, no matter the details, the humor or the stark truth.
Thanks for your entry!
Thanks so much for the post.Really thank you! Much obliged.