Maybe you’ve noticed it’s been a while since I wrote anything substantive. (Maybe that’s my ego talking and you haven’t noticed anything at all about me. That’s just the way it should be, actually.) Here’s the thing: The week of daring writing paralyzed me. All week I thought daring thoughts, walked out to the ends of every emotional gangplank in my psyche and ended up crying on Friday morning when my Sweetie called to ask if he should pick up coffee on his way home.
So, no daring post from me. Perhaps it’s not the right time. Perhaps I was influenced too much by all of the entrants who wrote so boldly. But I think mostly it’s just that I was feeling pulled. Pulled away from my biggest priority: My family.
When Sarah and I started this blog we had the intention to share our practical wisdom of what it is really like to have three children. We hoped to fill in the deep gap of information that ends after you have adjusted to having one kid and begins again sometime after you’ve had quintuplets. We hoped to be a resource on how to get your baby to sleep through the night when you already have a 4-year-old who is sharing the same room and a 5-year-old who didn’t sleep through till he was 3 and if the baby wakes him up you are going to get in the car and drive to the ends of the earth because you are so damn tired and out of ideas and there are just no freaking books or resources for this situation and what the hell are you going to do.
For instance.
We have gotten off topic a bit, I think. Maybe. We found momentum with Five for Ten, a community that we didn’t expect. And maybe we let that momentum steer us in a direction we didn’t expect. Or perhaps our feelings are deeper than we thought and are coming out before the practical suggestions. Maybe we’ve found more advice than we’ve been able to give. Whatever it is, I’ve had to step back. Daring thoughts and realizing I needed to think more about what was in front of me led me to thinking about how it all fit together.
Now I’m back. Today, at least. And here is my practical advice for moms of more than two children: Give your children experiences. Individually. Take one to see the lights in the park. Take one to see the Nutcracker. Take one to a concert. Or sleep beside your child one night. On the floor. In front of the fireplace, or the Christmas tree. Or in your big, grown-up parent bed. Do something special that he or she will remember. Something one on one. Instead of just presents to open this holiday season, give your children the gift of you. It doesn’t have to cost a lot, but it will be a priceless experience for you both. I know this is more difficult than just going to Toys R Us and buying all of the Imaginext and Fancy Nancy toys. But it’s worth it. It’s worth the time it takes to figure out the details of who is going to be watching the other kids while you’re taking your daughter to see real live ballet for the first time. Believe me. It’s worth it.
I want to thank Amy, who I don’t know well but who I’d like to know better, and who this morning gave me the push that I needed to write here. She asked me about the blog, which she has never seen, and in her doing so I realized, I do have something to say. I do still care about this online world. But it was a real-world interaction that made me realize that. So, here’s one more piece of advice: Turn off your computers for a few days. Stop posting and commenting. Go out into the world and pay attention. Listen to what people are telling you. Have experiences. Then, come back. See if anything looks different. And write about that. Share your priorities. Your insecurities. Your experiences.
And in the spirit of this advice, I am turning off comments today.
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