Comments on: Why my kids have milk mustaches, skinned knees and chore charts

By: Natalie

Natalie — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 01:51:13 +0000

Just a note saying – Agreed, and your children thank you.

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:25:33 +0000

I like your use of the word “syndrome.” I think that sums the situation up nicely. Along with Everyone Wins and Award goes Everyone Gets to Play. Nope. There IS A BENCH. In sports and in life. Sorry, folks. (Ooh, I am SO MEAN!)

By: Shawna

Shawna — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 23:28:24 +0000

Oh Jen thanks! Steve and I were just discussing how far we were willing to go in helping our son with his homework. The expectation from the school seems to be that we will do it for/with him. I feel that he needs to learn some responsibility for his own success and also some pride at having done something well. We remind him, give him space and time, but have stopped standing over or correcting him.

And we are working on teaching our five year old to deal with some disappointment in her life, by not letting her win every game of Uno or Memory that we play with her.

SO much to think about and the comments are amazing. You have truly connected with a lot of parents, all of us determined to do right for our children. So thanks again!

By: submom

submom — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:38:10 +0000

I have been reading the comments via email (aka. lurking at its highest level) and I have to come back to gush (sorry!). This post is like a gift that keeps on giving: I have been enjoying and benefited from many of the followup comments. For instance, the comment from Lynne Marie above: “how to hold her accountable for her behavior and how to help her grow the resiliance and compassion for self that makes failure bearable”. I am always at a loss for words when I need to fill out one of those forms: “What do you expect your child to learn?” that teachers give out. Perfection.

By: Lynne Marie Wanamaker

Lynne Marie Wanamaker — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:21:48 +0000

Jen, I totally agree on this. I think often of the competencies and qualities I want my girl to have in her life: resiliance, assertiveness, responsibility, pride in her own accomplishments. I don’t think I do her any favors by paving her way–it is only through her own experience that she will develop these life skills.

[I have written about this from a self-defense/safety point of view: what does it look like to raise a child who can stand up for herself? (It doesn’t look like what my mother would have wanted, a “good” child. It usually looks like a child talking back.) You can read that essay here:
http://www.mamazine.com/Pages/feature129.html

My daughter is already showing signs of perfectionism and self-recrimination, though. So I am struggling with how to hold her accountable for her behavior and how to help her grow the resiliance and compassion for self that makes failure bearable.

By: Lynne Marie Wanamaker

Lynne Marie Wanamaker — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:02:04 +0000

Yes, it’s always awesome here. (They are paying us to say this, but they only pay in love and mustard so we probably mean it.) Welcome!

By: Lynne Marie Wanamaker

Lynne Marie Wanamaker — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 13:00:34 +0000

I am afraid of the diorama thing. My daughter’s teacher has intimated that a diorama might be in her future as one of her enhanced homework assignments. I am trying to be grateful that the teacher is putting so much effort into being certain that my [academically gifted] daughter is being appropriately challenged, but in truth I am more afraid of the diorama assignment than the accelerated math. Glad to know the Momalom crowd is diorama-experienced if (when) I get stuck.

By: Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities

Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:08:57 +0000

Late to this party, but I’m here! What a fantastic and ripe topic. A tough one. How to imbue our kids with confidence, with some self-esteem, so that they can have a bit of youthful swagger, but not to inflate their confidence to a problematic and delusional level. Goodness, I have no clue on this one. But I do find your purposeful parental surrender very compelling. I do think that abdicating a bit of control is good for our children (and necessary for us).

Great post.

By: Why my kids use napkins, cry over ripped jeans, and do the chores because I said so (shh! don’t remind them I served ice cream for breakfast last Saturday) — Momalom

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:42:10 +0000

[...] I have two separate text documents on my computer filled with attempts at explaining my reaction to Jen’s post from yesterday. It’s important for me to respond to her even though I’ve been having some trouble. She [...]

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:55:45 +0000

a-fucking-men!