Just a few months ago I was running 21 miles in 24 hours, waking at 5 am for a 60 minute swim, eating right, feeling fast and relishing an increased sex drive due to my aerobic endeavors and a wealth of endorphins.
And now, mid-January finds me with cocktail in hand nearly every night, trying to milk the hours after the kids have gone to sleep. I’m awake too long; I sleep too late; I move only as much as needed; which, although is quite a lot when you have three boys running here and there, is nothing compared to running 10 miles on a Saturday morning, or mounting a spin bike after work.
Sure, I got sick a while ago and then the boys got sick and then I got sick again. It derailed me from my morning routine of uplifting workouts, and the quiet hours of sipping coffee and reading blogs before the kids woke up. But it was, indeed, a while ago. And I have yet to get myself back to those soul-satisfying habits.
How quickly and suddenly good habits go bad. I could blame it on time and winter and my dwindling patience with both. But neither are to blame. I could prick the time out of my day if I made it a priority. Winter will end as surely as it began, and the cold air is as much revitalizing as it is breath-catching.
As I sit here sipping a Captain and Coke and enjoying the silence from squawking children I wonder how the hell to get myself back to good habits that make me feel so much better and calmer, more patient, energized and able. I entice my body with the idea of shutting my eyes before 10 pm and waking before little voices chirp NO.YES.NO.YES.NO from their beds in the morning. But I don’t follow through. I can’t muster the motivation it would take to get my butt out the door and to the pool. I can’t answer the challenge of lacing up my sneakers before work, or even rolling out of bed before I absolutely have to.
My body is getting tired of my mind. Angry with me. I’ve gained weight. I’ve grown lethargic. I’m impatient and moody. My limbs are weak and my spirit is broken. I’m exhausted by the knowledge that I know exactly what will fix all of this and that I just can’t seem to follow through.
My kids deserve a happier mom. A mom who treats herself well, makes her body and her mind a priority, nourishes her soul and takes care of her heart. But even more than my kids need it, I need it. I deserve it. And I need to find a way back. And soon. There’s a half-marathon registration with my name on it waiting for me on Valentine’s Day. So if nothing else, I best get myself in gear for this, else I be dragging across the finish line, heading for the medic’s tent, and missing out on all the potential of a weekend away from the kids.
Could someone please mandate a 10 pm bedtime and show up at my door at 5 am tomorrow for a run?–because even if it is 30 degrees outside, I know I’ll feel so much better if I JUST DO IT!
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I’m up every morning @ 4:30 (well, every morning I *have* to be!)– I wish I lived near you because I would totally wake you up! Haha
Sarah, Arizona (where I live) has its own challenges (called Summer!) but I have to say, if I had to get up for exercise at 5:30 I wouldn’t do it either. This whole Pre-Dawn thing is like a bad movie for me. I would actually rather exercise in the late evening. But I am up 6 days a week at my exercise class not so much for fitness or weight – though I get all those benefits. I really go because it keeps depression far far away. A routine that gets me out of the house and moving joyfully is what I need to keep my head screwed on right.
Twitter: barmitzvahzilla
This seems to be happening all over, Sarah. Not your exact words but my friend Val wrote something similar and I just read it – http://simplyfitbyvalerie.blogspot.com/2010/01/diligence-guarantees-fitness-results.html
I don’t want to get up and run at 5 am. I am, though, going out by 7:30 this morning to get my mileage in because it is not 30F. My long run kicked my butt on Sat and slowed me right down. I was not injured from it but exhausted from it which is not normal.
Just start again, slowly, and build up to those mornings in the pool or on the road.
Twitter: NickiinNY
I am in…I need to be better about going to bed by 10 too. That is my goal for the week!
Sleep is huge!
Pool+Winter Temperatures+Winter Whale Body=No Fucking Way.
This has been my train of though for the past few days. I know I’ll feel better if I get out the door to exercise… but I love sleep… and I love sitting on the couch… but I deserve better.
Good luck :)
Twitter: crnnoel
Ah, the mingling of habits good and bad, of life ideal and real, of aspirations and realizations. We go in and out of being the person we want to be, and others need us to be. We fall ill. We simply fall. But we get up again always. By clinging to hope and determination and the faraway hands of others. And sometimes, just sometimes, we find the strength to run, to feel the swell of muscles, the seeds of happiness. This life stuff? It’s tricky business. And you capture it well.
Twitter: ADonnRowley
A half-marathon for Valentines? Are you half-crazy??? Get the other half to pull out the LED lights, and encourage a little cardio à la Buddy Method.
A whole other sort of 5:30am Rise and Shine, my friend.
Twitter: BigLittleWolf
Well, I can’t top BLW’s response. :) Not such a bad idea, by the way…
A former coach of mine used to tell us right before a week off from school (and therefore from basketball): “It takes six weeks to get into shape, but only a single week to get out of shape.” What a depressingly true metaphor for all the challenges we face in life: so, so hard to establish good habits; so, so easy to fall into bad ones.
Twitter: Motherese
I have been struggling with the same thing. No way in heck can I get my butt up at 5 am. I try and try.
My baby won’t really go to bed until midnight. Not too bad. 5 hours of sleep? I can do that. HOWEVER, the ideal does not always happen. When I go to bed at midnight and my babies wake me up several times before 5 am, I cannot get up. Nope. I need the extra sleep. I need to be a nice mommy to my kids.
So, I am trying a new thing. I am trying to go with my friend. We only go 2-3 times a week. It seems to work well. Of course, we both have newborns and toddlers which makes us more understanding of sleepless nights. I am hoping that she can get me going.
Twitter: ambrosiat
Sister, if I lived an hour closer (and wasn’t barfy right at this moment) I would be walking into your house at 5 a.m. And we would have a kickass run together. (Except for the fact that I would be walking. But that’s just a technicality. With all of our chatter, I’m sure the exercise part would go fast.)
One other thing, it’s ICY out there. So, maybe treadmill it? OK? (Sorry, in GG’s absence I had to give a safety tip.)
Twitter: MomalomJen
I don’t just need a bedtime and wake up call. I need a chef and housekeeper and trainer. MAYBE then I’d get into a regular habit. MAYBE.
Twitter: millermix
Um, yes. I hear you. About the chef, in particular. I don’t think stuffing my face with Kraft Mac N Cheese out of the pot in between breaking up kid fights constitutes a healthy meal? Hmm? Nope.
Twitter: Momalom
I’m going to start doing my yoga exercising after work (5pm Central) so I’ll tweet you when I start and if you can, you just go run or something. So we’ll be kiiiiiiinda exercises together, only you’ll be cold and I’ll be like Gumby.
Bwahaha. I’ll be cold, you’ll be Gumby. It’s perfecto! Ok. I’ll hop on twitter after work, lace up my sneaks and stuff the kids in a closet with a box of dry cereal. Should be alllllllll set…..
Twitter: Momalom
The rut. You know I know the rut. I stayed in it for far too long. I understand. And I hope for both of us that we get the gumption to get our bodies moving. Because it IS for them, but you’re right, it’s for us. And we are worth it. Acting worthless does not make us worthless. It’s simply a detour and has to be treated that way or we totally get off on completely the wrong exit and get quite lost. I don’t know why I’m saying WE…I’m really just thinking about my rut, not insinuating that your rut is exactly as mine. but you know that and now I’m rambling.
Twitter: HeatheroftheEO
as much as things have come together so far this year (and boy, things just keep happening), this is the area where i struggle the most. i cannot seem to make myself get moving. i am missing the social aspect of exercise and right now, i don’t have a solution.
but i’m working on it.
and if it will motivate you, i’d be happy to send you a wav file with me telling you to get your ass out of bed. you could set it as your alarm on your phone. ah hah hah hah.
Would you puhlease, pretty pretty please send me a voice recording luring me out of bed in the morning….That would make me quite possibly the happiest person ever. Seriously. Not even joking. Do it! And I can surely return the favor somehow, no?
Twitter: Momalom
Due to my Disney trip, I am terribly “behind” in my blog reading…so I realize this is quite a few days “late.” But I could’ve written this. I was so on track in October. As perfect as I could be (no such thing, I know). Then November rolled around, and more sicknesses came, and then the holidays, and more colds, and more events, and more of everything. Then the dr’s. orders of no running b/c of the ovary…and I have woken up at 5 once in the past few weeks to go the gym. I have gone after work, maybe once, as well. I, too, have gained a few and am feeling lethargic and frustrated and angry. And I have no idea how to get myself back on track (especially since I came back with ANOTHER cold!). Ironically enough, just as I clicked onto this post, Hubby asked me: “Weren’t you going to the gym?” I mumbled something slightly incoherent. Now? Yeah. I’m going. Thanks.
So…did you go to the gym? I was supposed to start running again this weekend cause, you know, I have a half-marathon in two weeks and I haven’t run since like OCTOBER or something. Oh My God! What am I thinking?
I would so totally consider a wake-up call between us to motivate our lazy asses out of bed. 5 am is just about the only chance I have of getting my butt in running shoes. Seeing as it will take me more time to actually get in shape than I have, I just have to figure out a way to do AS MUCH AS I POSSIBLY CAN BETWEEN NOW AND FEBRUARY 14 SO I DON’T SHAME MYSELF BY CRAWLING ACROSS THE FINISH LINE!
Twitter: Momalom
Sarah – you can do it!!! Get out on the road or the treadmill!!! And, yes, thanks in part to you, I am running a half marathon in March!
Twitter: NickiinNY