Max is two. Officially. But almost-nearly-not-quite three. He has a bump on his tummy next to his navel. It comes and goes, protruding a barely noticeable amount one day and becoming an alarming size the next. We don’t know what it is. The doctor doesn’t know what it is. And in common terms, it’s freaking me out!
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My car broke down last week. I was driving along and then I wasn’t. And then I was stuck at home, or was I? The kids went off to school and dayhome and I was left to a house full of laundry and a head full with thought. The two can well go hand in hand if you let them, I find.
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I read This Winter from Heather of The Extraordinary Ordinary while I was crouched in the corner of a room somewhere postponing my motherly duties. And I nodded. And I felt the calm in her hands as she typed it. And I breathed a few big, deep breaths. And I mumbled “yes” in the heavy chambers of my heart.
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Perspective. There’s always a chance to welcome change and calm.
A health scare. Some quiet time. The words of a friend.
I feel quiet today. And I welcome it. This hour of peace. This moment of calm. The fluidity of my heart as it gives and takes, gives and takes, breathes in and out the life of my children, my home, my crazy beautiful world.
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Some days the stars are tangled and I cannot read the signs. And then there are days like Saturday, days like Sunday, and days like today. Days I spend with family and I find myself relishing every moment.
My middle one asks for a kiss and some juice. My little one doesn’t want to let go when he wakes from a nap. My oldest one lures me upstairs under the guise of reading together when all he wants is a song–like when he was little and we sang to him each night. And so I sing. And then he tells me, in a quiet, muddled tone as he’s reaching for the right words,
“I like it better when you sing your song. Better than the people on the radio. I love the sound of your voice.”
What’s better than ending my day this way? Sweet words of comfort that fall on my ears and sync my breath with my heart. That affirm that I’ve done something good in bringing these boys to this world. And that my goodness is forever reflected in them. In the simple moments. In the moments that matter most.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh, my. What sweet words from your little one! Treasure those. You must have several boys — I have four. It’s crazy most of the time, but oh-so-wondeful!
I just found your blog — I’ll be back!
Four boys, eh? I imagine that is where I am headed when I think of trying for number four–trying for a baby girl–and I’m mostly okay with it. Boys are sweet, even if wild. But my how the WILD can get the better of me on some days if I let it.
Overall, it is indeed a wonderful life. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Sarah
Twitter: Momalom
Lovely. Perspective. Yes.
Twitter: BigLittleWolf
Those boys love their mama. :)
I’m a little freaked out about the tummy bump–have you guys had an x-ray or MRI? I worry about everything though, so if it doesn’t pain him, I’m sure it’s nothing.
What beautiful words from your son!! Melted me.
Thinking of you guys and the tummy bump…
Twitter: crnnoel
Yes. It is all about perspective. This is an exquisite post that somehow wanders and has intense focus. This post is about surrendering to the ebbs and flows, the tiny triumphs and the big worries. Surrender because we really have very little control. I am so happy to have read this. Thank you.
Twitter: ADonnRowley
This reminds me that as a mom I have this weird multiple personality thing going on all the time – there’s the sweet, placid side of me, rolling along like a river. There’s the mother charging around town to doctors’ offices to handle my kids’ medical problems. Then there’s the part of me that’s always been there – the woman, the friend.
Thanks once again (and, by the way, my son’s lump in the same location was a hernia that resolved on its own)
Twitter: barmitzvahzilla
Multiple personalities? Totally. I’m all over the place with that one and exhausting MYSELF by changing my attitude so frequently. But as soon as I put on another hat things seem to shift a wee bit and I find myself with more liberties or less to do what I want.
It appears the lump is nothing to be concerned of right now. The ultrasound was clear. Thank goodness. But I’m still suspicious. A mother’s worry, you know.
Twitter: Momalom
I love this. It is both poignant and beautiful. I can feel the pain and joy in each word.
I hope that you find out what that bump is above the navel. I can understand–and relate–to your concerns.
That scene, with you and your son? It touched my heart.
Twitter: ambrosiat
A wonderful portrait of you, your family, your life! Thank you for sharing it. Perspective! A much better word than balance and achievable as it depends on us.
Twitter: NickiinNY
Nicki,
I never thought of interchanging the words balance and perspective, but that is a wonderful idea. You probably remember how I feel about “balance” and perspective does shape up pretty well to take it’s place while leaving me feeling somewhat in control and much more grateful.
Twitter: Momalom
So sweet! I love this post. Well, I love every post- no joke. I love this site and am glad I found you and Jen. Especially since I’m trekking into motherhood, too, despite “wanting to wait”. It’s a blessing and I’m excited! Thanks for this. Every day.
Ah, those words that come out of our kids’ mouths that make everything PERFECT. Those words make it all “make sense”. Why I do what I do. Why I continue on. I love hearing about boys being so sweet… they just love their mommies.
Thank you for this perspective.
Twitter: dramaformama
What a wonderful reminder! And such a sweet way to end your post, with your son’s sweet request. It made me gasp. So touching.
Sending good wishes to Max’s tummy.
Twitter: http://privilegeofparenting.wordpress.com/2010/05/16/grapes-of-a-mom’s-wrath/
i am trying to slow myself down these days. to take the time to be in the moment, in the moments. tonight, i sang to my kids while i cut their nails. (Little Bunny Foo-Foo works every time for every kid.) i smelled their clean from the bath smells and felt my baby’s hair tickle my face. i looked into my daughter’s face and memorized it again. when i tucked the hurricane into his “hotdog blanket” (aka Pokemon sleeping bag) and his three other blankets, i see how big he’s getting.
the times when there is no pressure To Do and Get It Done, those are the best. even if there is nothing planned, sometimes it’s enough to sit back and watch. to have one on one with each of them or watch them play and get along for at least a few minutes before they turn into screaming, angry banshees because someone touched someone else’s toy and earned a shove for the effort, which caused hurt feelings and crying all around.
i hope max’s little tummy is not growing an Alien. ;)