Comments on: Should I let my kid win sometimes?

By: Privilege of Parenting

Privilege of Parenting — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 02:09:29 +0000

Good thoughts all around. I just want to say that I have let my kids win at games before, but never at Monopoly… because my older son always, and uncannily, wins at Monopoly no matter what I do. My big problem is with the game itself, a hit in the last depression, it is a virtual tutorial in what’s wrong with our culture—a “game” in which one person will become rich and everyone else will be inevitably poor. Why not call it the prequel to the French Revolution?

Along the Monopoly way, I can’t help but give my younger son a little play money or a property here or there to keep him alive when he’s nearly wrecked, but isn’t giving our kids money and property natural to parenting?

When it comes to Chutes and Ladders, however, I like to play ruthlessly with a take no prisoners Great Santini style. It’s character building.

By: Liz

Liz — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 10:42:34 +0000

I admit I let Ben win about 50 percent of the time…at least in strategy games (I am so sick of Tic Tac Toe). Yes, he needs to learn how to lose, but he also needs to learn how to win. And then he needs to learn that winning isn’t everything. How come even game-playin’ is exhausting for parents??? We are a pretty competitive household with Hubby’s bike races, my runs, and all that…so we simply repeat over and over again: “We had fun.” As in: “Hey Mama, did you win the race?” “Nope, but I had a blast.” We were worried when he started soccer last season that he’d spend the entire game throwing himself on the floor and whining in frustration that he was not the fastest (as he used to do at home when playing), but turned out: he did not do it even once! Not ONE issue of sore loser, not one issue of no goal, not one issue. Just fun. Perhaps it’s sinking in???

By: TheKitchenWitch

TheKitchenWitch — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 23:17:31 +0000

In our house, no matter what, even if the loser is in tears, everyone has to shake hands at the end of the game and say, “Good game. Thanks for playing.” It’s totally dorky, but it makes me feel better about the whole competition thing.

Seems to be kind of a theme going on here about husbands having a different point of view about letting kids win? Why are they such sticklers, I wonder? Mine is, too.

By: Big Little Wolf's Daily Plate of Crazy » Blog Archive » Okay Parents – Use your words!

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:39:57 +0000

[...] was thought-provoking discussion at Momalom yesterday regarding letting your child win. I’ve thought long and hard about this issue, and have written on the nature of competition [...]

By: submom

submom — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:31:28 +0000

I love what a PP said, “to lose gracefully but also to win with compassion.” This would be what we try to teach the children. Your oldest sounds like mine: advanced beyond his age and so we have come to take all his “wins” in life for granted. There is a fierce, unsaid, competition between him and his father also, in addition to love and respect. I am grateful for this post. I don’t know how to answer your question simply: it depends. I still let my youngest win in games because he is not confident like his older brother. And he knows when I chose to NOT kick his pawn back to the base. If your pawns are trapped at “home” after the 10th throw in a game of Parcheesi, it is frustrating to anybody no matter the age. When it is the throw of dice or the draw of a card, I don’t see the harm in making it seem like Good Fortune is smiling upon him.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:56:26 +0000

My husband sounds like yours. He naturally sees little purpose in allowing a kid to win–even a 3 year old playing Candyland! He looked at me all backwards and upside down when I casually suggested he let Jamis win. Now, to be clear, this is something that I NEVER do, and I’m not exactly sure why I did in this situation. I just feel like the kid needs a boost. We’ll see what actually happens; the game is still paused.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:51:19 +0000

You? Are too darn cute.
1. I’m not a big fan of gold fish
2. I loathe playing bakugan!
3. pinching bums is one of the top five reasons we have thumbs

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:49:53 +0000

I agree, Nicki, I have seen WAY TOO MANY kids AND adults that can neither lose gracefully nor win compassionately. And, to be honest, it astounds me. To see a grown man throwing a fit on the tennis court, or a kid (teenager) sulking over a friendly game of checkers at a birthday party and then calling for a ride home…or something like that!

Merit. Yes. Learning from their merit. Recognizing their worth.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:47:12 +0000

:) I love that you recognize you’ll be waiting for your perspective on this to become clearer…but it will come sooner than you think, my dear. A 13 month old? I give you 3 years until you are battling it out over Chutes and Ladders. :)

You are right in that if a game is going to be thrown it needs to be pulled off well, with no indication to the child that it was FIXED! And I am still hoping that my views become crystal clear…every day I long for this. The truth is that every situation, every child, every day is different and can require subtle changes in how we interact with our children. It’s exhausting. :)

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:41:43 +0000

To be honest, Ambrosia, it makes me uncomfortable to give the gift of winning just so my kid can feel good about himself – or, more accurately, can feel good about NOT LOSING. That said, I do think I recognize the importance of allowing it to happen from time to time. What I don’t want to instill in him is a feeling that he will always be champion, that there will never be defeat, that he will always be on top. This will be hard, with a first born, but then again, I find it hard just to let him win a game from time to time, so I think we are pretty much on track with acquainting him with the whole “Life is Hard” theme. Ha.