February 2010

Words from the vault

• And why three is enough, for this body

  Just as having a third child was perfect for our family, having a fourth would be selfish. On my part. I would parent more children, welcome them into our family if circumstances led to that, but I will not have another baby. Not through this body. Pregnancy and I are not the best of friends. One

• The Holidays. Already?

  It is mid-October. The Halloween hype is in full force. TV specials. Pumpkins on doorsteps and fake cobwebs in trees. Costumes in the Sunday newspaper flyers. I can deal with Halloween. This year I will be marching in the local parade alongside a firefighter, a MEAN witch and a baby chick. We will s

• Five for Fighting

  There is so much fighting in this house that it makes me want to scream. No. It does make me scream. And then I'm only adding to the mess. Heightening it, actually. How are the children to learn self-discipline and composure when I'm flying off the handle? How are they to learn patience with sharing

• (Be)longing

  Was I lying when I wrote about not apologizing for my dreams? Because I haven't been doing much to further those dreams lately. I have been composing only in my head. At night. Long after everyone else in the house is asleep. Or I have been jotting down notes on a legal pad between trips to the kitc

• Make You Smile

  Yesterday was a rough day. Today I want to wake up with a smile. There are a few more people I know who also deserve another reason to lift the corners of their lips. Happy Birthday to Becca! I wish you nothing but sugary sweetness on your special day, girl. To Wolfie! For your wit, charm a

• Addendum to my life

  I look around the house and see pieces of my life that need fixing every day. The toilet runs downstairs. The wallpaper is only half-finished. The trim fell off the vent. It needs to be painted. There are no pictures on the walls. There is no room here complete. I want a deck. I want a garden. I wan

• Out of the closet and into the heart

  I spent much of the day cleaning out and organizing closets. Going through bins. Throwing out dried up Play-Doh and tempera paint. Sweeping up mouse poop. Putting all of the unused batteries into one box. And uncovering TREASURES. TREASURES, people. Treasures. I found 12-year-old e-mails between me

• There comes a time when the yelling has to stop

  I rocked my 7-year-old boy in my arms, his long body hanging off mine, flowing onto the white down comforter and the well-worn green flannel sheets that wrapped the mattress of my own childhood bed. How can he be so big? It's not fair that I can't curl him into me anymore. I sat and held him while h

• Men's "Junk"

  So what is it about penises, or a particular penis, that intrigues a woman, this woman? I am sure many men and most psychologists would say it is a power issue. When a woman has a man's penis in her hands, or her mouth, she has a certain amount of power at her beck and call. A squeeze too tight,

• I wish I had more for you, but this is all I got today

  (i wish i had more for you but my brain can't handle any more than this and i'm okay with that because as jen says "motherhood is hard, yo" and these words just have to be good enough for now) my brain is swirling whirling disappearing and coming back around to itself there are lists and tas