The Mommy Contest

We could also have titled this
“Why We Think Moms Should Give Up a Little Control”
but, that just doesn’t sound as catchy, does it?

So, The Mommy Contest

We don’t want to win the mommy contest
You know the one
The one where you have to be the smartest
the calmest
the one with the superhero costume in her purse
the healthy snacks
and the right answers to everything

We spend so much time thinking and talking
about what it is to be a mother
Because the judgments come from every direction
There are no clear answers anywhere
And yet we mothers are expected to know all
to be all
for our children
and ourselves

But
the idea that we can come up with a way to shape our lives
so that everything will flow more easily
is a lovely idea, however
it’s just not that easy
it’s far from easy at all

There are universal truths, sure
but if we’re constantly seeking them out
are we really truly living them?

We do not need to win the mommy contest
We do not need to have perfect hair
Or perfect snacks
Or perfect children

We do not want to set guidelines
for when we can spend time together with our family
together as sisters
or alone

We would rather walk a mile
And learn something
About what it is like to be wearing different shoes
Than try to figure out what we’re doing wrong
and what we’re doing right

We have no experience of having children older than (almost) 8
but we have experience six times over of having children

We don’t know what comes next or how we will respond to new challenges
but we know that everything is changing all the time

We know that there is nothing rigid about the constructs of our time as mothers
And that we often do best when we roll with the punches

We don’t need to find a metaphor for our lives
(even though one of us, in particular, is quite fond of metaphors)
or this moment that we are in

We don’t need to find a way to manage everything
because tomorrow will force us to reevaluate our management style

We don’t want to compare ourselves to anyone
(even though it’s tempting, we’ve found it to be futile)

And we don’t want managing or comparing to get in the way
Of our mothering
Of our sisterhood
Of our children
Of our relationships

Our life, each of our lives, is our own
We can only try to describe our lives
and our minds
Here

Because
three kids, phew
It swamps you
It swamps us
In a way that nothing else ever has

And so there is always something to write
an idea to explore
Because that is what we want to do
Individually
Together
That is what WE want for US

And that is why we are here
We have given up a lot of control along the way
And found that even
with dirty hair
and cluttered lives
with imperfect wisdom
and plenty of days of flustered decision making
our kids are fine
and happy
and we are too

So we are here
Just as we are

And we are most definitely not here
To win
The mommy contest

Tagged as: brutally honest, thoughts

Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kids