I actually looked up the word supple in the dictionary. And I’m glad I did. Because here’s the definition, according to Merriam-Webster: bending and moving easily and gracefully
Easily.
And
Gracefully.
That’s the part that speaks to me when it comes to being emotionally supple. I want to bend easily and gracefully in the ways that I react to things. I want to be able to breathe and take in what is in front of me, whether an entire container of art beads strewn across the kitchen floor or a child dancing through the house singing a song in a high-pitched shriek. I want to be able to consult all of my senses before one of them takes over for the rest. Spilled beads can be swept up and, in fact, may even propel me to finally wash the kitchen floor. Also? Focusing on the beads for a minute might give me the distance I need from the reason for the spill in the first place: a kid, most likely.
I want to see the positives more.
I want to reflect the positives.
I want to have the the kind of relationships that are lasting, admired, fulfilling and fulfilled. I want to give people, including myself, the benefit of the doubt. I want to forget about spills and look beyond the screeching to hear the music and revel in the endless creativity of my kids.
I want to bend. Easily. And gracefully.
And, perhaps most important, I want my kids to learn to do the same. And how can they, if I don’t?
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I’m so glad that you revisited the idea of “emotional suppleness” – I’ve been thinking of that phrase often since you first mentioned it. In today’s post, I see you as a stalk of bamboo or a reed in a pond, the very picture of resiliency: bending, but not breaking.
.-= Kristen @ Motherese´s last blog ..On the Road Again =-.
Um, now aren’t you glad you followed up on this one Jen? A stalk of bamboo? I ENVY YOU RIGHT NOW. I am a brittle board ready to break. Sigh…send me some suppleness would you?
Sarah – just realize that the bamboo is more supple when soaked in water. Moms should do well to soak in water – without interruption if possible – frequently.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Saturday Night =-.
Does a long swim in the pool count? Or do I have to be sitting still? I don’t do well with sitting still in water, but constant movement I can do.
Does standing in the shower for over thirty minutes count as soaking?
I agree with you Jen, we want our children to have a resiliency and emotional suppleness that we rarely exhibit. I want to be the example my children live by. Tall marching orders, I know, but ones well worth the challenge!
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Easy like Sunday morning… =-.
Spilled beads for you, macaroni shells for me. Thanks for the reminder to listen for the music, revel in the creativity (and mop the floor). With ease and grace … there’s the tricky part.
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..Haiku Friday =-.
i’ve been thinking about emotional suppleness since you first posted on it. these two words have been circling around and popping up at random in my brain since you first posted it. i had to go back and re-read what you wrote the first time, because i am children rich and thus, memory poor.
what i’ve come up with is this: i want to learn to be supple. to bend but not break. to be stretched out and come back into shape. so many times i bend, and bend, and bend, and then break. at that point, i’m totally frustrated within myself. so now i am asking myself, how do i stop this? how do i stop before i break? is it just as simple as making a choice? choosing which emotion to act on? which one requires some stretching? does that mean i should only extend an emotion as far as i am capable of snapping it back into shape, and choosing to not allow it any further?
and what about the emotions that are a bit (or a lot) too tight? patience. understanding. grace. it would be really nice to stretch them out. to become patiently, understandingly, gracefully emotionally supple.
these ideas, so easy in theory. so hard on “those” days when you really think that it would surely be less trouble to sell everything you own and move to a deserted island.
.-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..Marriage, Part III =-.
Oh yes, I could stand to be more emotionally supple. If not for me and my one two-year old then for me and my husband, with whom I share said and lovely two-year-old, a profession, one room and a house under construction. I so often and so easily find myself stretched to that breaking point – I need to spend more time on the bounce back, at least.
Also, almost unrelated: How about the dictionary? Enlightening even when you don’t know it will be. I looked up “decadent” last week, which turns out (well, it was news to me) to mean “corrupt” and “deteriorated,” too. And all this time I’ve just been thinking “chocolate cake.”
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..Oh happy day. =-.
This is lovely, and reminds me of the seminal Frost poem, Birches. I feel I am brittle, reacting in old, calcified ways that have more to do with pattern than actual feeling, reacting when I ought not PERIOD, etc. In short, I share your desire … and am learning so much that helps me be even a tiny bit more that way from reading your words. Thank you.
In many cases, items in nature – bamboo, reeds – are born/created with suppleness. Other items need to learn or need to do something to get that suppleness. As parents, we can help our supple-ability by taking small breaks – if possible.
When breaks are not possible, water helps – whether in the soaking I said to Sarah or in drinking. I truly find that if I am not hydrating daily, my outlook changes.
Beautiful writing, Jen!
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Saturday Night =-.
It’s really the secret to sane mothering, bending without breaking. Seeing things for what they really are instead of how they may loom in one small moment. Easier said than done. But so worth striving for.
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..Springtime Comes to Martha’s Vineyard =-.
Easily, gracefully, bending yet strong…. Can I be a willow tree? that’s in excellent image to keep in mind when I feel that I might *snap*.
.-= Erica@PinesLakeRedhead´s last blog ..Photo Challenge: Week 15 =-.
I didn’t comment on the first emotionally supple post but it hung out in my mind and I turned it over, rolled it around, picked it up and dusted it off. Yes. Emotional suppleness. What a lovely idea!
.-= Shawna´s last blog ..Love for a first born child =-.
Whoa, I think I just had a revelation – and not what you might expect. When you said the spilled beads might actually give you the distance you need (from the kid who spilled them). That is pretty profound. One of my triggers, my worst aggravations is spilling or breaking something. But I need to try to reframe my thinking. The spill is a chance to re-set myself, to stop and catch my breath. It’s like a Ctrl+Alt+Del reboot on my computer. Or blowing a fuse. It’s a reminder to take it easy, to put things in perspective. I will try to remember this next time I drop something and only want to get angry!
.-= Eva´s last blog ..Let’s play ball =-.
Based on your description, supple I am decidely not. I do not do well under pressure (I used to, but now I think lack of sleep has rendered me completely unable). I also have a very difficult time with any form of change. Perhaps it’s the toddler in me making itself known, but routine is good, routine is predictable, routine is manageable. I too wish I could be more supple in circumstances that require it. How does one learn to slow down and manage life more softly, more positively?
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Moments of happiness =-.