Yesterday at a gathering I was asked by an old friend and mom of one, “How do you do three?”
“You just do it,” I said without hesitating. And this is very true. You just do it. I just do it. I mother my three children. I respond first to who needs me most. I multitask all the time. I answer to mom, mama, mommy. Sometimes all at once. I hold hands and answer questions and zip jackets. I keep track and count heads and get juice. I take trips to the potty and mop up spilled water. I just do it. Most of the time on a combination of autopilot and instinct.
But this is what I wish I had said to the question of how do I do it.
“Surrender to the chaos.
Laugh as much as possible.
Don’t dwell on the little stuff.”
Because that’s what being a good mother, to me, comes down to. No matter how many kids I have, but certainly when I’m outnumbered by them, three to one, in public.
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I think you’re exactly right, that is what a good mother learns to do. And those three things really boil down to “you just do it.” Combining autopilot and instinct is really an art form.
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..Seriously, what are they thinking? -or- A humiliating store design =-.
If there was a way to turn chaos into chocolate, I’d surrender with a much better attitude.
.-= ck´s last blog ..i love (park edition) =-.
Especially chocolate with almonds. Little yummy crunchy surprises along the way. Yum.
I just have one, and this advice feels right and worthy to take. I just hope I can continue to do one (until I have two! or three!) with the same grace and humor you seem to have with your three. Good stuff, Jen!
.-= Lauren @ Embrace the Detour´s last blog ..Inspiring Words (Day #85) =-.
But what happens when two is chaos? What does that make three, more choas or something worse? I desperately need to know because I want another baby (and, of course, my husband thinks I’m crazy).
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Money counts and we’re counting =-.
I have the same question Christine has. (Though I’m not desperate for a third.)
.-= Jana@Attitude Adjustment´s last blog ..The Unbearable Lightness of Swinging =-.
Christine, it took three for me to SURRENDER to the chaos. Two is chaotic. Three, for me, forced the issue. I just had to give in. And, honestly, even though there are days when I am so overwhelmed by the mess and the noise that I fantasize about silence and no clutter, I’m a better mom of three than I was of two. Shall I put your husband in touch with my Sweetie?
Sage advice! I am SO on it.
Thank you :)
.-= Justine´s last blog ..Busy but not moving forward =-.
Excellent advice for being a mother – but also excellent advice for living life. So simple yet so profound.
.-= Eva @ Eva Evolving´s last blog ..Of stars and happiness: averted vision =-.
The hardest for me is to “surrender to the chaos”. I want to let go, but too often I try and try to control, control, control. Granted with one child things are (I assume) easier to control than with three. As my sister keeps telling me “your kid needs a sibling”. And as I keep telling her “we’re working on it”.
You are more than welcome to borrow a boy or two from my house if you want to get a feeling for that parenting-more-than-one-kid-thing. But, uh, I have a feeling that Goldfish’s house is closer and she’d be just as willing to lend a boy!
Those are wise, wise words. I need to surrender to the chaos more instead of fight it tooth-and-nail. And it’s definitely true that you have to laugh…or else you’ll cry, right? :)
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..EEK! It’s Big! And Green! =-.
Yup. Tears. You have to let them come, too, though. At least I do. :)
Yep. Chaos, laughter, and perspective. A little bit of luck doesn’t hurt. (Oh, ignore that damn little “no blog post” below. There is one. Fighting gremlins at the moment, with an expert gremlin-slayer kindly assisting.)
You said it well! Funny thing is though – it took me three to finally figure it out. Doh!
Cathy, it took me three, too. Absolutely! With two I could still maintain the illusion that I was in control (or wanted to be in control). With three, there’s no possibility of control. So, chaos it is. And we all are better for it.
I’m surrendering to the chaos as I trample across discarded Cheerios on my kitchen floor … Now calling in the dogs to clean up and help me dwell less on the the mess. Lovely advice, thanks! =>
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..Bragging Rights =-.
Stacia,
Waiting eagerly to hear how your chaos changes with your newest little one! Sounds like you’re on the right track.
Yes, Yes, Yes. I definitely should print these out and hang them in my bedroom or kitchen, or everywhere. I’d add, “Breathe”. Something else I don’t do nearly enough! Thanks Jen for these reminders!
.-= becca´s last blog ..My village =-.
Breathe! Yes. Good one. I need to add that. Instead of, hyperventilate and wade through the mess. :)
Words to live by, sister…I would add to be easy on yourself, after all, you are only human (on most days and really, only when you have had at least 4 hours of sleep, right?)
.-= Maria´s last blog ..Renewed =-.
OMG. YES. Be easy on yourself. Lower your expectations. Four hours of sleep for months and months and months leaves one a little less than functional, yes? Thanks, Maria!
Well, Jen, since you were probably leaping after one of your kids while the other mom may have had all the time in the world to pick your brain :), maybe you just summarized!
I just have the two, but I remember that when I had one I used to hide in my house, never up to the difficult job of packing up, lugging things around, and getting places without forgetting the baby. When I had #2, it all changed. I suddenly became like an army general – charging out of the house each day. I think I wasn’t willing to be trapped anymore.
.-= Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla´s last blog ..Scaled Down =-.
Linda, How did you know? Were you at that event, too. I think I was actually holding on to the hood of my youngest child’s sweatshirt while “rescuing” lady bug with my middle child and keeping the corner of my eye on my oldest.
And, I know exactly what you mean about the army general. There are strange similarities to parenting and military operations, aren’t there!
Such great, simple advice. Unfortunately, I don’t surrender to anything well. I do laugh a lot. But I also dwell on all of it. I, too, marvel at those of you who have 3 (or more)…i can barely handle my two. Great, simple, insightful post, Jen.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Hand-me-down Mama =-.
Liz,
We love you. You may not surrender. And you may dwell. But you also have great perspective. And definitely a great sense of humor. :)
My husband and I were talking about this a few days ago and came to the same conclusions. We especially agreed with the “laugh as much as possible.” That is an important one.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Maybe Next Time We’ll Fly =-.
You and your husband were TALKING? Amazing. I never seem to have enough opportunity for such miracles. :)
Love your short list, Mama. Love it.
-elizabeth
.-= Boy Crazy (@claritychaos)´s last blog ..meeting my edge =-.