As we’re gearing up for Five for Ten, I’ve decided to repost some oldies this week. Need a refresher on Five for Ten? Just go hang out in the sidebar over there. You can find the rules and our topics and even link up! I’ll see you back here on the 10th!
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The First Child
(originally posted August 28, 2009)
The first child
is always first.
Always.
And it makes me kind of crazy.
Because the second child is now
the middle child.
And the third child has to just
cope
with everything that the first child
needs.
And there is always something he needs.
Help tying his shoes.
Another snack.
More water in his Thermos.
To be read to.
A hug.
Attention.
He always needs my attention.
And his first younger sister
the now middle child
has always been second.
Because she is patient
and understanding
and kind.
Because she can entertain herself
comfortably
happily.
She is not nervous
and anxious
and demanding
like her older brother.
Who must always come first.
And tonight I find myself shopping
online
for sheets for his new bed.
And a new radio for his new room.
And shoes for his growing feet
that soon will be taking him off to kindergarten.
And I’m sad for his sister
who has shared a room with him
for all of her life
and who is getting rid of him
but gaining another roommate
and who will have to cope with what we already have right now
the same bedding
the same everything.
And I know it doesn’t really matter
and that she doesn’t even care.
But still.
That first child
is still
demanding more and more and more.
And, wait, didn’t I have another child around here somewhere?
What am I going to do with her?
Add a Comment
I love this. I had my 3rd when my son was in kindergarten and felt this way for years. Now I am enjoying the youngest coming first because she’s the only one here. And the last 2 years my son’s been at college, my older daughter found her moment to shine. All in good time. I always tell my son he needs to try and get home for his sister’s special occasions. After all, I say, they were dragged around for years to all of yours!
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog .."Those People" =-.
Maureen, I’m late to responding here, but I have been thinking about your comment. About how the last will have her moment of “only” when the other two are (presumably) out of the house embarking on their own adult pursuits. Thanks for the reminder that role reversal is a distinct possibility in the future!
At our house, this system has recently reversed itself. The older child, now a second grader, has to constantly wait while I fulfill the needs of a whiny, defiant 4-year old. The patience that my older child is showing during this turnaround is enough to make me weep.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..A Spinach Tale =-.
i love, love, love this post.
you know, i would actually feel better about things if this were to happen to us. if the oldest, who needs so much all the damn time, happily took a backseat to the patient 2nd child. she’s the one i think gets hosed the most. the baby still needs too much of mama to be properly forgotten about. i’m sure that’s coming soon, though.
.-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..Grateful (but not Dead) (almost, though.) =-.
I think I know what you mean, Kitch. My heart breaks a little bit when my oldest resigns himself to wait while I’m dealing with his sisters. It’s a strange feeling, really. I guess there’s just never perfect unity, eh?
In my house it’s kind of opposite. My 6 year old usually has to wait while I deal with my 4 year old tearing into everything and 21 month old having fits like her world is crumbling. I’m not saying my oldest is patient about it, but it’s what he’s learned to live with.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Blogiversary =-.
Since I wrote this post last year there has been a perceptible shift, as my oldest has learned a tiny bit of patience and his next youngest sister has decided to discover her mischievous side. (And the “baby” had grown into the most challenging toddler of the three of them.) Learning to live with it is what it’s all about, yes?
That’s so interesting because my kids are the opposite. My second one, while very happy, is very insistent. She must be held 90% of the time. Coming off a very independent, put-me-down-right-now-I-dont-even-like-my-stroller, first child, it’s been an ADJUSTMENT. To say the least. At least the first one is the moody one so no child gets too many sighs from me — or they get equal amounts.
.-= Alex @ LateEnough´s last blog ..As Of Now, We Are Only Prepared For The Slow Moving Zombies =-.
I am an only child. And this sibling world is all so foreign to me. That’s why I often feel like I have no clue what I’m doing with my two, soon to be three. My mom only had me, and I had all of her attention, and I never realized there was anything different. Until now, when I’m very much in the throes of this whole attention-sharing thing! =>
And what if they all need new shoes at the same time??
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..Splitting Heirs =-.
Oh, but you do have a clue. You do you do.
But you’re oldies are goodies… :)
.-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Parenting without a safety net =-.
As a middle child, I sometimes curse the first and last in my family because they STILL hog the spotlight. I also refuse to have three children. I have a first and last only. They are equally impatient and demanding.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Blossoming =-.
This makes me smile, Kelly.
What a beautiful post. I only have two but this totally fits for them. My first is SO much more demanding than my second. She REMEMBERS when it was just her and wants it all THAT way… before HIM. And since my second is always ok with being put on the back burner, I guess this is how it will continue. And I too always feel so BAD that my second has to sit and watch the older one get so much more from me… but, the one who screams loudest gets more and that’s definitely my first.
.-= becca´s last blog ..Mawwiage =-.
The past several days have been full of endless screaming and crying. We are obviously experiencing a seismic shift in our house, though I’m not quite sure who’s going to settle in first. Last night I had to let two of the kids cry alone in their rooms while I locked myself and middle kid in the bathroom to try to give her some independent mom time. Not sure progress was made, either. I know from experience that this phase won’t last forever, but I’m hoping it ends sooner rather than later. Because with everyone’s behavior unpredictable all the time, I’m starting to get a little, uh, FRAZZLED (all the time).
I think this is the anthem for all moms of three… It sure explains my family to a T.
.-= Samantha´s last blog ..I just don’t get it… =-.
This was a great post. My two are like your first two. I’m glad they’re older than mine because that means I can just keep up with your posts to stay slightly ahead on what’s coming next!
Um, CK? That’s a little too much pressure, OK? Also, sometimes I think it’s better not to get a glimpse of what’s to come. Because then we might want to just run screaming for cover. Alas, I will do my best to pave the way, so to speak.