I had this body
I had abs
A navel
pierced
with a tiny silver ring
I had an ass
that didn’t move
up and down
when I ran
(I had this body that ran)
I had a waist
that fit into skinny jeans
and thighs
that fit, too
I had this body
before I had children
this body that has slipped away
become something else
after the third child
or because I’m getting older
I can’t say, really
But I had this body
and I wish I had appreciated it more
when it was mine
(mine alone)
Because now it is a not-so-distant
memory
and I’m not sure if I can get it back
this body
Now I have these kids
three kids
who have parts of my body
long legs
long waist
long necks
But
looking at them
I long only for more of them
not for my body
that body
They are more than enough
these children
who have left me forever changed
and better off
in so many ways
But that silver navel ring
would be nice to have back
if I didn’t have a stomach that moves
in two different spheres
whenever I bend over
or reach for something
or run
after the three kids
that came
from that body
This body
**************
Today and tomorrow we’re talking about Memory.
Link away and we’ll get reading!
Read More in Jen Writes, mind/body, motherhood, three kids
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Oh yeah. You just said what bounces around my heart (and my fat) nearly every day. Where did my body go? OH, how I took it for granted! And OH the beautiful things it has done–babies born. I don’t know if we can wrap our minds (or our bodies) (ha!) around that.
.-= Heather of the EO´s last blog ..The girl who lived on the lake =-.
Oh man, a truer post has never been written. If I had the body now that I had back then, I would be giddy, even. Instead, I spent too much time wishing I was thinner, my waist smaller. Clearly, I was crazy.
.-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Remembering Yesterday =-.
This is just simply delightful!! I love what you say about not appreciating your body before when it looked more like your ideal. I’m always bemoaning that I didn’t appreciate what I had whenever I look back at photos. But I also love what you said about how you long for “more of them” and not for your body. This is really what it’s all about.
.-= MidnightCafe´s last blog ..Memory Outside of Memory =-.
I love, love, love this post. It is strange that I weight the exact same, maybe even less, but those old clothes no longer fit the right way.
By the way, you absolutely CAN get your body back. I’m in better shape at 40 than I ever was pre-children.
So many things change after kids don’t they? Sigh.
But, it’s all for the better. Right? RIGHT?
.-= Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last undefined ..Response cached until Fri 14 @ 21:53 GMT (Refreshes in 30 Minutes) =-.
I’ve been thinking a lot about body image and being a mom lately. I wonder if anyone has ever done a study on how many times a day we think critically of our body or looks….. What wasted time and energy! How the world would change if women started feeling good about themselves in this moment, at this weight, at this age. We’d free up a lot of energy to do some serious good– to ourselves and others.
I don’t know if you have read Sharon Olds, but she has a poem about looking at herself in the mirror at 50, or something. Your poem reminded me of hers–you’re both funny and lamenting your loss, but you both exude an acceptance of your body, too. Whether you had kids or not, I’m sure your body would have changed. I keep telling myself sit-ups will help, and since I haven’t done them, I can always have that hope.
.-= Jana@Attitude Adjustment´s last blog ..Being Brave =-.
As always, beautiful poetry!
I can’t relate to the body thing … haven’t had that many kids myself … you know, like … ANY. But my wife has!
Anyway, thanks for sharing!
.-= goofdad´s last blog ..Role Models =-.
Thanks for sharing this. I’m (a bit painfully) reminded that not only did I not appreciate the body — and the navel ring — I once had, I didn’t like the body. There was always something wrong with it. How silly that seems now.
I do miss the navel ring, though.
.-= Robin´s last blog ..A Toast to Happiness (and hold the champagne) =-.
Oh, the fun things pregnancy and labor do to our bodies. Even though I am actually 6 pounds lighter than my lowest college weight, I have these weird weight distributions in the worst places ( upper thigh/ hips, anyone?). I know it’s so worth it — the kids and all. Because they are. But I’d sure welcome feeling hot again! (my navel ring is also a distant memory!)
Been sitting here trying to type a response. I just keep going back to, “Yeah. Yeah, that’s about right.” :)
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..five for ten: happiness =-.
I’ve never had that body. But I certainly did have a much better body than I ever thought. I wish I’d learned to appreciate what I had when I had it, instead of just remembering it now.
Great poem, as always – you definitely need to publish a book!!
.-= Cindy´s last blog ..Green Onion Longing =-.
So so true!
I loved this line:
“if I didn’t have a stomach that moves
in two different spheres”
because it’s not just how our body looks but how it moves and feels so different than before. All these parts moving independently…it’s like I’m not as cohesive as I was before. Like I’m being pulled in a million directions with little regard to what my mind wants. Hmmm…motherhood incarnate.
.-= Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole´s last blog ..Happiness is counting eyelashes =-.
Man, I barely remember when my body was mine (all mine). Though kids make a better excuse for it being what it is today than sheer laziness, which would’ve caught up with me eventually…
Everything my body is today is because of my kids. My kids, and that plate of homemade coconut macaroons I just shoved in my mouth.
.-= Cheryl´s last blog ..Ballpoint Pen on a Paper Bag =-.
Well written! You can get in shape if you wish. I liked the line where you said that you found your part of body in your kids. Nice one. Thanks for sharing.
.-= Anto´s last blog ..I Am What I Am, I Have No Substitutes – Day 19 =-.
Funny, poignant, true. Even back where I began, that body is gone forever. But I love your point of seeing it in your children–makes me see it as a transformation instead of a loss.
Diana’s last blog ..Making Memory Serve
A body that ran! Imagine that. That’s the part I miss for my body– the “deciding to do something and then just DOING IT” part!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..privileged =-.
Oh, what I wouldn’t give for my old body back. I also never appreciated it. When I was big and pregnant I would go back and look at pictures and think, man why didn’t I appreciate what I had. I completely understand. At the same time, I wouldn’t trade the experience of caring my son, for anything. Funny how that works.
.-= Debbi´s last blog ..Memories in my memory =-.
Oh the memory of the body that was.
Its such a weird thing. I weigh the same. I wear the same size. Widthwise I’m the same, spherically I am not. I guess that can happen when bodys are pushed outwards from the inside.
I absolutely love the line
“But looking at them
I long only for more of them
not for my body
that body”
Most days I think that way, sometimes I just wish the zipper would do up.
Jen, I love the part of the poem where you talk about the kids having parts of your body – like they’ve inherited your charisteristics, literally taken them away from you! The use of your body in its different forms is very interesting in this poem and very inventive!
.-= Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla´s last blog ..Happy Anyway =-.
Haha! I have three kids as well, and can relate to missing my youthful body. I am determined to try to make it the best I can, though…someday
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..I’m joining the nuddy bloggers!!! =-.
OH MY GOD….I accidentally posted a link to HOT DOG SOUP instead of my post. JEEEZ….
That’s what four kids does to your brain.
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..five for ten: happiness =-.
I love this post. I have struggled a lot with this issue of remembering my old body. Especially my uh, mid-section which used to be in damn good shape. But three kids later? Oh yeah…you have described it just perfectly. :-)
I love when I feel moments of grace about my “new” body. They still don’t happen nearly enough for me but I love the continued challenge of settling into my new skin. Literally and figuratively.
But when I remember that this body grew and birthed three kids? I feel pretty damn proud. :-)
.-= Lee of MWOB´s last blog ..Memories in Conversations with My Kid – The Mother’s Day Edition Revisited =-.
I can so relate to this these days. Will baby number three put my body over the edge…I have fear.
.-= For the Love of Naps´s last blog ..Friday Thoughts =-.
I think all of us moms can relate to that!!!
.-= Amanda´s last blog ..Memory… =-.
Love this. A simple and stunning ode to memory and reality and the profound intersection of the two.
Another echo of “me, too! me, too!” I saw a picture recently and thought, wow, who is that skinny girl? I looked at her face and she was ME. I had this body… And now we have these gorgeous children. Fair enough trade, I suppose. :) I wouldn’t trade the kids for that old body, but I’m still looking for a way to get it back…
Oh, me too, me too. And I miss that body something fierce! I think it IS the third child… mine stole my body too!
.-= Mama´s last blog ..Life After YES =-.
Amazing and so perfectly true. Motherhood is a journey whose lines you can trace on my body. And I am happy for those lines because of the amazings beings they have brought forth. Beautiful Jen!
.-= Shawna´s last blog ..I’ve been lusting after this for a long time =-.
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