I had this body
I had abs
A navel
pierced
with a tiny silver ring
I had an ass
that didn’t move
up and down
when I ran
(I had this body that ran)
I had a waist
that fit into skinny jeans
and thighs
that fit, too
I had this body
before I had children
this body that has slipped away
become something else
after the third child
or because I’m getting older
I can’t say, really
But I had this body
and I wish I had appreciated it more
when it was mine
(mine alone)
Because now it is a not-so-distant
memory
and I’m not sure if I can get it back
this body
Now I have these kids
three kids
who have parts of my body
long legs
long waist
long necks
But
looking at them
I long only for more of them
not for my body
that body
They are more than enough
these children
who have left me forever changed
and better off
in so many ways
But that silver navel ring
would be nice to have back
if I didn’t have a stomach that moves
in two different spheres
whenever I bend over
or reach for something
or run
after the three kids
that came
from that body
This body
**************
Today and tomorrow we’re talking about Memory.
Link away and we’ll get reading!
Read More in Jen Writes, mind/body, motherhood, three kids
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Get this! We all will. When I look back at photos, God if I had known. If I had known how rockin’ my body was I would have made better use of it. Now it’s a milk making jungle gym.
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Wisdom to hold on to =-.
Milk making jungle gym! Ha! Awesome.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..A Lesson in Courage =-.
Oh my goodness, the ass of my youth! *sob* I miss that thing.
You are so sweet not to miss it…I love my girls, but sometimes I just want to shake them and say, “You stole my ass!” :) I jest. Sort of.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Veg-Head Monday: Zucchini Stuffed Tomatoes =-.
Hahahaha, “the ass of my youth!”
Oh, that phrase can be used in SO many different ways!
.-= Gibby´s last blog ..Happiness =-.
Ha ha!
My body is awake right now because my one and only child woke up and climbed into bed with mommy and daddy. Oh, I long for the days when this body got uninterrupted sleep.
BTW, you know that most if not all belly-dancers have luscious stomachs with softness and contours, right?
Hmm, right. But I think theirs are still smooth and luscious, right? I can’t speak for Jen but I’ll tell you that the ripples of stretch marks do absolutely nothing for me, and I don’t think there’s a chance in hell I’d ever get a gig as a belly dancer. No matter how my hips swayed. Harumph.
On another note? Uninterrupted sleep? It WILL happen, mama. It will. It doesn’t have to be a memory forever. What won’t ever change for me? Feeling rested. Feeling like I’ve had ENOUGH sleep. Me = perpetually exhausted. Sigh.
Oooh, same here, my son decided 5 am was the perfect wake-up time this morning…where do kids get these thoughts? :p
.-= Jenn M´s last blog ..to my mother. =-.
I can’t believe I didn’t appreciate “That Body” when I had it…sigh…but I’m learning to love the one my 3 have left me with.
You are rockin’ with the poetry tis week. Love it. Yeah, I remember that body when I had one similar…and I want mine back! Sorry to be a pain in your butt every two days…would you check to see if my link came through…again it’s not showing up. I swear Mr Linky has a conspiracy against me!
.-= Suzicate´s last blog ..Freaks, Geeks, And Squeaks =-.
Man, what is it with you and the linky thingy. We need a technological intervention. I will check on it!
As the mother of girls fast approaching adolescence, I’m always aware that it’s my job to help them to love their bodies, and not to waste a minute of their youth wishing they were other than what they are. (She says this, as though saying made it so…)
The best way for me to do that is to love the skin I am in, with its wrinkles and horrible strange puckers. Our histories are written all over our bodies — and once we have children, also on theirs. Your post reminded me just how — and why — remembering that is so vital.
It also reminds me how lucky we all are to still be shaking whatever it is we’ve still got!
.-= Launa´s last blog ..A few things that won’t fit in our bags and boxes =-.
Ah, that body! Keep it in the memories. Love the one you have right now!
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Happiness =-.
I never had That Body, but I do wish I’d appreciated — no, loved — the body I did have. The body I did have carried me through highs and lows, carried my wolfbaby, and never once gave up on me. I wish I had seen and loved its strength and beauty before this new body took its place.
Also, I love the idea that I can find it again in my children. I do adore how my daughter reaches out with my hands and runs with her father’s legs.
I had this body that ran, too. As in, ran miles, not the dishwasher. Best (worst?) part is, my memory’s so bad, I barely remember that body of yesteryear. =>
Adore this comment.
Are you me?
!!!
I remember my body too, didn’t appreciate it when I had it, and every once and a while I wonder how it might look if I had gone to the gym when it was young and semi firm…
But when I look at my body now, I stand in awe. That it held my most precious children, that it healed from three c-sections, that it feed three baby boys, that it was their own playground equipment.
I think of how this body provides comfort to those three children, and hugs and compassion to anyone who needs it.
And then, I don’t miss my ass, or waist, or boobs too much, although it would be icing on the cake if they decided to cooperate and follow the plan!
.-= Maria´s last blog ..The first time, ever I saw your face… =-.
Forgive the misspelling, it should be fed…haven’t had coffee yet…ARGHH!
.-= Maria´s last blog ..The first time, ever I saw your face… =-.
Great post! It’s the undulating folds of skin across my stomach that I can’t stand. Nothing aside from surgery is ever going to get rid of them. And the boobs, that sag and droop as if gravity is desperately pulling them down to my navel. I wish I had appreciated what I had when I had it too.
Oh the skin. How on Earth did so much of it just APPEAR post-kids?
I love this poem! My sister calls her post baby body with sagging boobs, her “pooch,” etc. her badges of honor. Sounds like you have the same attitude!
.-= Jane´s last blog ..Selective Memory – Crazy or Coping Mechanism? =-.
Oh how I miss that body!!! The one that didn’t have boobs that hang down to a belly button {not totally owning that one yet… but it might be true…}
:) It’s all so very true!
.-= Corinne´s last blog ..{Five for Ten} Courage =-.
Oh, to have the body of yesteryear! Great poem!
.-= ShannonL´s last blog ..Five for Ten: Childhood Memories =-.
Lovely! …and like so many others, I can so relate. I didn’t appreciate it when I had it, either. Sigh.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..A Lesson in Courage =-.
Thank you for this. It’s the first thing I read online this morning and it made me laugh–because it’s so true!–and smile. Because I wouldn’t change my experiences of pregnancy and children for anything either.
.-= Alisha´s last blog ..I’ll Still Remember =-.
i miss mine too. naval ring included. or at least where it used to be.
I miss that me, too. But, as you say, I would never, ever trade or go back.
.-= Lindsey´s last blog ..The Geography of Love =-.
I think the way our body changes during pregnancy and after we have children is a metaphor for the way our whole life changes. Not always pretty, but definitely forever changed. Although my life with kids is a *lot* more attractive than my stretch marks…
.-= Jenn M´s last blog ..to my mother. =-.
Here, here!
I love this poem. I try to capture this feeling of wishing I had appreciated and enjoyed my former body as a reminder that I should appreciate and enjoy the body I now have, but eventually will not. I fail miserably at this, but I keep trying. For my kids, for my partner, and for me.
.-= macondo mama´s last blog ..Here goes… =-.
wow…I don’t have kids, but now I know to appreciate my body for what it is right now. I complain about my own ass…perhpas now I’ll cut myself some slack?
.-= Anne´s last blog ..Happy Right Now =-.
This is so TRUE!! So me. I just wish I could have been happy with my body back then instead of criticizing each and every part. Oh, if only I could get it back and apologize to it!
.-= Gibby´s last blog ..Happiness =-.
Uggg I have totally been there and am still dreaming of the day that I get to go back to being my cute self before I had my daughter! : ) We should start a support group for moms who are looking for their bodys back! hehe
.-= Sara Carbaugh´s last blog ..Selective Memory =-.
I love this poem!! I wish I could write this eloquently. I remember my heart aching when I first realized how much my body had changed, and then sort of caring, and then simply accepting. I am not sure if that is a good thing or not, this complacency. But I do look back at how my body image had shifted over the years, from hatred at 15 to pride at 27 to horror at 35 and now, a shrug of…whatever.
I used to stress about my body all the time until I had my baby. And then I couldn’t do it to myself anymore. The last 5 pounds be damned, I friggin’ had a baby with this body! I have so much more respect for what it can do – grow and protect a life – that I’m looking at my body in new light. Not so much with criticism, but in absolute awe.
This body grew another.
.-= Justine´s last blog ..18 months baby! =-.
I miss my belly button ring too!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..These are a few of my Happy Things… =-.
I had that body too! I would never change it now though – I am proud of my stretch marks and wrinkles – my battle scars. They are the marks of who I am!
Love this poem – it made me smile!
.-= Shawna Cevraini´s last blog ..We Rise Again =-.
I vaguely remember my pre-child body. I’m pretty sure my breasts once didn’t come close to my navel. Maybe it would be better if I didn’t remember!
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..That fickle thing called Memory =-.
sweet :). Kids have a way of changing your perspective.
.-= julie´s last blog ..Happiness… =-.
So lovely.
Mother’s bodies are beautiful miracles.
And then we start to see pieces of ourselves in these kids. My daughter had my waist, my “old” butt. My older daughter and son have their daddy’s pony legs. It’s all so cool.
But yeah, abs to rock a belly ring?? Now that would be awesome!
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..Peter Pan =-.
I loved this post! I’m constantly looking back to my pre-baby body. I am also actively working on getting as close to it as I can at my advanced, almost-45-year-old age.
Call me crazy, but I love my body right now more than I ever loved the body of my youth. I am more toned, more skinny, more appreciative. Youth, for me, meant acne, fat, and an incurable urge to eat. I guess, though, I am still in my youth. : ) I sincerely believe that having children changed me–my body–for the better and not the worst.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..That Was Love =-.
I was a super skinny kid and was teased for being all bones and angles. I used to hate how my hipbones jutted out. I would take the advice in my Girl Scout manual: to increase your appetite and gain weight, drink a milk shake in the afternoon, and walk around the block before supper . Didn’t work. I used to wish for an average body, or even a plump, curvy one. Be careful what you wish for. All those angles are gone now, and I have the curves. I console myself with the thought that if I had those jutting hipbones now, I would just look like an old hag. Super skinny doesn’t really work with a middle-aged face….in fact it makes you look more wrinkled. So I’m trying to embrace my plumpitude on the grounds that it takes years off my appearance. Right? RIGHT??
.-= jennifer´s last blog ..Security Blankets =-.
Plumptitude. Now THAT makes it sound just the leeeeetlest bit cute.
I remember a friend teasing me back in college that I had “an old man’s body.” My mom would tell me that I was a “little old man” when I was a child.
In my fantasy my life is somehow unrolling opposite to everyone else, and so I will achieve abs of steel when I’m 80. And then at 90 I’ll finally be ready to go to preschool and not just hide in my own cubby.
You have generously sacrificed as a parent, and as a blogger… and sacrifice was never really about giving things up so much as inviting divine spirit to enter into the sacred space.
You guys are priestesses of that, so thanks !!!
.-= Privilege of Parenting´s last blog ..A tale of two camps =-.
Funny how that works. I never had a great tight little body, but it was much better pre-kiddos-but I hated it then. After kids, stretch marks, more softness and all? I love it. It has proven its worth.
And I bet your ass is still HAWT, lovah:)
.-= Kisha Floren´s last blog ..Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind =-.
My belly looks like a balloon after it has been around for 3 weeks…wrinkled and shrivled and jello-ed.
But I got new respect for that thing that makes people outta nothin’
I used to be really thin, but I still missed my body from when I was really really thin. But even then, even while I missing my old body, I would tell myself “one day you are going to be older and bigger and annoyed you wasted your time in this really really thin body wishing for a thinner one.” And then I got married, gained 10-15 pounds. Now I have a, maybe, thin body (no reallys. none at all) and wish for a really or two. Still I remind myself, one day, after kids, you will probably wish for this body again. Appreciate it. It’s hard for me not to wish for the better bodied version of myself. But this is a good reminder for me to appreciate what I have now. Cause one day, post-birthing, I may have a completely different body and wish I had this one. But hopefully then—when I have actual little people running around to prove how much my body has worked for me and them–I’ll really be able to find the happy place. Maybe. I hope.
.-= Rachel @ MWF Seeking BFF´s last blog ..Frosted. Corn. Bran. Flakes Come in All Varieties. =-.
Oh I can so relate. First off, I love the poem. I love how it’s realistic but still positive! I have issues with my stretch marks, but I love my kids so much more. Never had a belly ring, but if I had the abs, I would : )
I miss that body too. I exercise and eat well in an effort to get my youth back. I know it won’t happen. The stretch marks and the baby scars are here to stay. But you know what? This body birthed my wonderful daughter and that is worth more than having that other body back.
.-= Rudri´s last blog ..Diamond Courage =-.
Last post was Skipping Stones http://beingrudri.com/2010/05/14/skipping-stones/
Don’t know why Wordpress is having a problem with this!
.-= Rudri´s last blog ..Diamond Courage =-.
I never had a body that ran, so my admiration for yours is timeless.
But I wish I had known the one I did have. I would have patted it on the back and better prepared it for crunches and heavy lifting (and pushing).
But hey – there’s still time, right? So say Jillian Michaels and my NYC Ballet Workout videos.
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..A short walk to a long lane =-.
ooh. you know I’m a fan of the Jillian Michaels. And Jen? Well, she was a ballerina, don’t you know. So I think you’re a little bit of both of us in this comment. Love it!
i am almost 1/2 through pregnancy #4 and am watching the weight creep back on. the belly is inflating again and i can’t decide if that is good b/c it is filling out the stretch marks or bad b/c that just means that much more weight to lose after. i have never had a rockin’ bod, so i can’t really relate to a lot of what is being said here. that isn’t to say i don’t have my own issues with a post-mama body though! ;)
.-= kate´s last blog ..memory =-.
Yeah, I don’t know that you really had to have had a rockin’ bod. I think there are universal changes no matter what shape and size you were pre-pregnancy, and what shape and size now. At least, I hope some of these changes are universal, cause it’s the only thing that makes me feel normal when I look in the mirror.
you are right. the more i have been thinking about it, it doesn’t really matter what we started with. but my day is a rocky friday (and where i am we aren’t even at lunchtime yet). and my head hurts. and i wasn’t really in the mood to hear people talking about lost navel rings mostly because it was hard for me to get dressed this morning with this growing ass and these enlarging hips and am having a bit of a low day. but that is my own stuff and i feel a bit bad for being debbie downer today.
also, to add that cherry on top, my link still isn’t in the list. if only i knew how the hell to make it work that would be one problem i could actually fix!
TGIf*ckinF…
.-= kate´s last blog ..memory =-.
You know I thought that with my second daughter arriving so early that my body would just pop back into place. I mean, I never got all that big. I was still fourteen pounds shy of my first pregnancy. Yet as the weight came off, it redistributed itself. I suppose I could exercise to try and fight it off. I haven’t tried that because that would take too much effort. So instead I just buy bigger shirts. Our bodies gave us these babies, so there is some joy in that. Some.
“Instead I just buy bigger shirts.” YES!
But why am I so adverse to buying bigger PANTS?!
And trying to squeeze into the same old pairs is not that appealing. For ANYONE!
:)
Love this poem. I laughed. I love the image of a squishy belly with a fab belly button ring. Do it now.
Isn’t it funny that you really don’t care…when you look at those faces…but then you put on a bathing suit…and perhaps care a tiny bit!
But now I look at pictures at myself after babies and admire my neck, so firm and pretty, my eyes that don’t look tired even after 8 hours of sleep, or my new bulge–the middle aged one! WOW, look out and appreciate what you got while you’ve got it.
I made up a little song that just keeps a skip in my step and keeps me laughing instead of crying…
“I have the wiggle jiggle,
yes, the wiggle jiggle
And I jiggle when I wiggle
But I giggle when I wiggle
with the jiggle in my middle”
Make up your own tune… it does wonders for you, and everyone around you.
Great post. :)
I think your poem is beautiful and does a good job of balancing your desires for that navel ring with the overwhelming awesomeness of your children.
I prayed for years for my body to be morphed into another with another. But, as I’ve written before — without this body, my son would not be my son.
I’m loving Five for Ten, Sarah (and Jen.)
.-= Ali´s last blog ..Happiness =-.
Ali, Thanks for this comment. I love that you have come to a place that you can say that without your body your son would not be your son. Very powerful. And lovely. No matter how our children come to us, we are changed. And we change our focus, don’t we. Body, schmody. Look at these chubby faces!
This perfectly expresses the sacrifices we make that don’t even feel like sacrifices when we look at our children.
.-= Sue Campbell´s last blog ..The Gift of Forgetting =-.
I love this! It is a consolation to see “parts” of our (previous) bodies on our young ones. Bittersweet, but mostly sweet.
(Hoping to have a clean and tidy site by tonight or tomorrow – so I may participate more fully.)
Cheers,
BLW
I had that body too. Now it belongs to my 8yo mini me and it’s even more beautiful on her. The trouble is that life’s too short not to eat brownies.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Only the good parts. Mostly. =-.
Having been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the past 3 1/2 years, what I miss sometimes is the feeling of my body belonging to me. I’m not that concerned about how it looks, but there are times when I want a day off from baby- and milk-production.
But, of course, I know that these days are fleeting, that a mother’s body is her daily planner and her journal and that every scar and stretch mark record the history of our children’s lives and our lives as their mothers.
Okay, so maybe I don’t want a day off anymore.
.-= Kristen @ Motherese´s last blog ..Memory is a Muscle =-.
Oh the days of being a milk-machine. My youngest weaned herself about a month ago. Totally painless (for her). I was ready, practically speaking. But emotionally? It’s harder than I thought to give up that physical connection. I can’t think about it too long or it makes me way too sad and crazy enough to think about babies again.
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