I have it. Oh, how I have it. Lust for lust. The want…to want.
I’m not talking about lust for a quiet home, an easy dinner, a book, a bath, a pedicure. I’m talking about pure, hot, pounding lust. The fire that starts in your chest, quickens your breath, and moves to your thighs–making every limb tingle, bringing every cell to life. I want that. I want it back.
If I squint really hard I can see through the haze of these cluttered, chaotic days. An image of this girl in a bikini pops up. I know she’s not a ghost; she is tucked inside me somewhere. The memory of her hot, sultry nights on the dance floor–swinging to the rhythm of her lust–makes me swoon for the freedom of the past. The days of no attachment. The days of whim. The days of action.
There isn’t much of that these days. Action. Whim. Swooning. Pounding. Memory-making moments up against a wall, on a cool, marble countertop, on a beach under the cover of dusk.
My bedroom–the main venue for our heavy breathing these days–has become the dumping zone of our pretty, Colonial abode. Random bins and bags of lost toys waiting to be put back in place. Clothes in every state of clean and dirty, folded and unfolded, stashed in baskets and piles on the floor. Books all a-teetering, dust bunnies underfoot. We are wading in tasks and tedium as we don our pajamas at night, constantly lacking the urge to act on urge. The lust for lust. The inspiration for action.
Yes, we are tired. We are beyond spent. Our days make us numb and sleep comes too easily. Even with the best intentions, we fail. Time and time again. The distance between us expands, creating a chasm that is hard to close. We become two foreign bodies sharing the same space. Happily so, but still. We miss Lust. Our marriage misses lust. Her presence. Her fire. Her surprise.
Luckily, I know what we need to do. Or at least I think I do. We need to stop thinking, stop excusing, and stop giving priority to the things that aren’t as important. We need to work to alleviate the spaces between us. But how?
I’ve come up with only one answer. Practice.
I was at another soccer game on Sunday. The coach took a chance and put my son on offense, and Jamis fought harder for that ball than I’ve ever seen him fight. He ran faster than I’ve ever seen him run. And don’t you know he scored a goal. Two, in fact. After each one he fought harder still, ran faster. Worked. Pushed. Had the want for more. He had tasted success.
I cannot rid my life of laundry and scattered toys; I cannot simply think lust and make it so. I must practice. Like a boy on a soccer field being coached to handle the ball, I must work at it if I want to reach the goal. And I want to do that. Work. For lust. For sex. For connection to the most important thing in my life: my marriage.
But I have to get out of my mind. I have to stop thinking of a life I want, a lust I want, and just starting making it physical. Turn out the lights, ignore the mess, push the dog off the bed, and put myself into that cauldron of lust by sliding a little closer, keeping my eyes open, and taking off my clothes.
So I’m giving myself a challenge. Because in all the thinking I have done about lust this weekend, I have gotten a little hot and bothered. I admit it. But thinking about it and acting upon it are two different things. I don’t want lust to live in my mind, but in my bedroom, and in the space that swirls around us when my husband and me draw nearer.
I wish I could say I will do this every day for the next week, but I am going to start out cautiously. Because this time I don’t want to fail. So, for three days out of the next seven I am going to–ahem!–practice bringing the lust back into my life. I vow to surprise myself and my husband by pushing the thoughts away and acting on the notion that we can’t just say we wish it were better, or hotter, or more often, we have to make it so.
And today I want to make it so. I want to want it more. More lust. More sex. More life as it is in my mind. Sexy, exotic, erotic, and heated. That girl in the bikini was pretty spanky and delicious once upon a time. And that tanned boy with the dyed blonde hair never missed an opportunity to pounce.
Though the timing is trickier these days and our bodies a little less firm, I know the animal spirit is still there. My wish is that after a week of consciously thinking about it and, even more importantly, acting upon it, I’ll be able to say that the practice was worth it. That we are happier and lustier; that we have become victims of wanting more.
You can bet your bottom I’ll let you know how it goes. So wish me luck on Operation: Lust.
***************************
Read More in Sarah Writes, sex
Add a Comment
← Previous Comments
What a fun post to come across. I love it.
Unfortunately my blog doesn’t quite match the topic but I look forward to reading everyone’s posts.
I found that energy affects our level of interest a lot. What has helped us is to look for little moments of romance. I try to take 5 minutes in the evening to just sit with my husband and look at his face closely. When I’m holding his face in my hands and we’re only inches apart looking at each other with awareness, it triggers memories and reminders of what we love about each other.
A couple of tips that I would like to add is to keep the food consumption down and the occasion alcohol free. As they get older, it seems that men tend to fall asleep immediately after food or any alcohol.
.-= Kim @ Money and Risk´s last blog ..Women – Say No To Philanthropy =-.
Good luck! You are exactly right, I think, in your approach for this. I’ve been in the same place in my life/marriage/home, and we’ve actually had to schedule, er, lust. Not a pretty place to be. But you know what? We didn’t have to schedule it for long. We just had to get back into the habit, as it were! Great, honest post on lust!
.-= Amy at Never-True Tales´s last blog ..Sunday morning is for lovers…if by lovers, you mean oatmeal, Sponge Bob, rashes, emails, and church =-.
Good luck! And I totally think you’re right. Just deciding to make this a priority, to make it happen, to make a practice of what you really want is the key to getting it back.
.-= MidnightCafe´s last blog ..A Call to Lust =-.
With 3 kids 3 and under I SO get you. Your plan sounds good but I am too chicken to do it myself. I want to want it so badly and I know that our marriage needs it but I just need the nursing baby to go a little longer without needing my boobs!
You will get it back. I will get it back. Go for it!
.-= Brittany at Mommy Words´s last blog ..A Little LackLUSTer =-.
Your discovery is like writing for me. So often I wait for inspiration, think–”when I’m less tired” or “when I have a good idea.”
When in reality, the heat, the fire, the passion, comes when I make space for it, trusting it will show up.
My husband is happier that I’m starting to apply this lesson not just for writing :)
.-= Heather Caliri´s last blog ..lactose lust =-.
I love your challenge of bringing in MORE lust. More is always better and I don’t think you can ever have enough. While I too still have the nursing baby issue I love the 3x in 7 days. I’m with you sister……
.-= MashugaMom´s last blog ..Memory =-.
I wish you luck with this! It’s so funny that something so incredibly enjoyable can be so easy to lose.
I read a magazine article a few months ago about a woman who vowed to have sex with her husband every day for a year–she even wrote a book about it–she said it did wonders for her marriage. Kudos to her…I’d be stretching it with your 3 days! :p
.-= Jenn M´s last blog ..A Kiss =-.
You go!! I’m inspired once again… There is NO such thing as too much lust in a marriage. May we all rediscover it.
I’m sure your husband will enjoy reading this.
.-= Melodramommy´s last blog ..Mommy Hallucinations: The Detached Arm =-.
Preach it sister! Amen!!
Oh and… just… do it!
You know you’re a card-carrying member of the Parent Club when lust takes a back seat to sleep or dishes or everything. Good luck with Operation: Lust. And have fun. =>
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..Five for Ten: Lust =-.
This is the lust post I wanted to write, Sarah. I couldn’t find the words. But reading yours? I got the release I normally get when I write and everything has come pouring out onto the page in a big wave of truth and emotion. That normally doesn’t happen when I’m reading. [Can you tell this topic has been pressing heavy on my mind for quite some time.] I was begining to wonder if I was alone, if I was the only one, if I needed to figure out what was wrong with me. But it looks like I’m not, based on the comments. It’s relieving, but at the same time I feel inspired to practice, to bring it back through sheer will and action.
Thank you. Thank you so much for being brave enough to write this.
Sarah, I’m betting that this is the post nearly all of us wanted to write. It’s hard to find the time, the energy, the mood, the lust – but I think it’s even harder to talk about! Bravo.
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..House lust =-.
I’m sure your words resonate with so many women, including me. My husband and I have gotten into fights about our (well, more so my) lack of lust. It’s so hard with kids and one that’s still nursing, but these are just excuses. Making your marriage a priority is so important. Thanks for this reminder. Good luck with your mission :)
Sarah girl…I read this yesterday…twice. I just didn’t get to comment. I have, however, thought about this plenty. We are quite lusty when we have babysitting…countertop, wall, backseat lusty….but the rest of the time? The other 300 days of the year? Not so much. I am always too tired. Too exhausted (notice the “I”, which only adds to the frustration on both ends). And I always have the best intention. I do find that “practice” helps…I have promised myself on more than one occasion that I will experiment: practice every other day no matter what for a month…and then, well, then a migraine will happen, or a stomach bug, or some other kind of minor crisis. Perhaps your post will inspire me to give this a shot again…the regular practice. Because honestly, as good as those babysitting nights are, by the next morning, when reality sets in and chaos kicks in, the libido and lust is gone. And then that is the marriage…the constant fight to keep it hot and alive. I loved your concept…lusting for lust. Keep us posted, please, on Operation Lust. And P.S…I will tell you one small thing that I read in magazines ALL THE TIME and SCOFFED and never did, and finally tried it and did help a teeny bit: I made my bedroom a sanctuary. The laundry, the piles of toys, crap, the photo piles…they have been removed and they all stay in the living room now. It has helped.
love this post. love the comments. love the challenge…
thanks!
.-= kate´s last blog ..lust =-.
So so true…the post and comments are great! We are working on this too…what has helped so far: putting a lock on our door, turning off the baby monitor and making our room as clean and simple as a modern hotel room (even if it means we throw the crap in the closet).
.-= Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole´s last blog ..Even astronauts need their fix =-.
Okay, I think I am going to set aside some time to clean the storage locker, I mean bedroom.
.-= macondo mama´s last blog ..Dear Monster: Your birth story =-.
i was just thinking the same thing! i wonder how many of us are going to be cleaning our rooms over the next couple of days? ;)
.-= kate´s last blog ..lust =-.
I started cleaning it yesterday. But you know the thing I think that might really be killing it is that the baby is still in bed with us. We just ordered a third bed, so hopefully that will help … but co-sleeping means you have to get a little more creative. And creativity takes effort. And I don’t have much effort left after the munchkins are asleep.
.-= Hyacynth´s last blog ..Five for Ten: Yes =-.
I’ve been trying to figure out how to create more lust in my life. I think it starts with taking care of ourselves. We are more lusty when we feel good about ourselves, you know? When we feel spanky and delicious!
.-= Mama´s last blog ..Life After YES =-.
What a great idea! It can be what sucks about growing, huh?
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..Update =-.
YAY!!! Practice does make perfect!! I was having this conversation with a very good single male friend of mine. He had recently spent time with two good friends who were both married (not to eachother) and were explaining to him about the lack of lust in their lives. It made him rather distraught. To say that weeks and even months between bodily encounters occured in their marriages was a stressful idea to him so he phoned me up to get the scoop. And the scoop was this: yes we are tired, yes we work hard and play hard and expect a lot for our children but our marriage comes first. AND the most consistent form of communication between a couple is sex. You can’t miss that need to be wanted and that desire to fulfill need. Plus the more you have, the more you want ;) Practice does indeed make perfect, you go girl, rediscover your lusty self!!
.-= Shawna´s last blog ..I’ve been lusting after this for a long time =-.
OK, I know I’m late to the party but I’m here!
This post is so spot on, so my life. Let’s face it, Lust takes energy, and at the end of the day, that is the last thing I have energy for. Why is that? If it wasn’t for Lust, I wouldn’t be where I am now, right? So I should pay it some respect and try to get my mojo back, LOL! Great post.
.-= Gibby´s last blog ..Oh My! =-.
Oh, the irony! Feel the same way.
.-= Hyacynth´s last blog ..Five for Ten: Yes =-.
← Previous Comments