When CK said Hey, you guys want a day to catch up on Five for Ten stuff? I said, Hell, Yeah. And not only because I need a day off, but because Bad Mommy Moments is badass. Equal parts snark and sentiment, CK spins a tale like nobody’s business. Today she’s here to make you laugh. And me laugh…because I’m not sure if I am done. But after I read this, I concluded I was downright crazy for not getting on board with the Top Ten. Without further ado…
The Top Ten Reasons I’m Done (so stop asking)
I don’t know if it’s because I only have two kids, or because they’re both girls, or because I look like I might want to shoot myself, but people like to ask me if I’m “done.” And then instead of believing my “YES (!!!),” they cluck something of the, “oh, you never know…” variety. Well, you know what, folks? I DO KNOW. And you know something else?
10 – If my 5’2” frame gives birth to one more nine-pounder, my nether-regions are gonna start singing “Love is a Battlefield.” And as for the rest of my sad, sad, female remains?
My bra size went from B to D to A with my first daughter, A to C to A- with my second daughter and…you don’t need to remember fractions to see where I’m going with this.
9 – They don’t refund faulty vasectomies.
8 – I tune out as soon as I sense the electric current of THIS in the air. 
My ears clog, my brain shuts down and I get home because my feet and hands still (somehow) remember where I live. If one more child were to open her mouth and give me sh*t, I might go completely deaf and drive off to, like, Ohio, or something.
7 – I will be at the total mercy of the babysitter, IF I can get one. I mean, I’m already paying $15 an hour for two kids. At this point I can’t even afford to get into my car once I leave the house.
6 – One more year of sitting through only 8 episodes of Olivia and someone at Nick will die and that hog will be spit-roasted in her striped shirt.
5 – I might start peeing on the kitchen floor for all the privacy I’ll get in the bathroom. At least that way there won’t be a door to bang on. (The same door I’m already forgetting to close when we have company over. Sorry, guys.)
4 – I’m running out of places big enough to hide from just two of them.
3 – That warm, fuzzy, lusty feeling women express towards the idea of new baby smell and tiny everything and decorating another nursery? I feel that way about decorating my new office. The one that used to be the nursery.
2 – If I have any more naked baby photos on my laptop I’m gonna get busted for running a porn ring.
1 – I may not have gotten to hold her, or kiss her, or be driven mad by her, but I do have a third daughter. I AM a mother of three. And one day I’ll get to swing by the best daycare in heaven to pick up my baby before going home.
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©2010 CEK. All Rights Reserved. “LOST” photo ©2008 Christine Zona. (czona.com) All Rights Reserved.
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We’re always saying, by the time we pay the babysitter, we have exactly enough left over for two soft-serve cones at McDonald’s. If they’re doing their two-for-one special. And therein would be the reason we haven’t had a date night in … Way. Too. Long.
(I’m so sorry to learn about THREE. I bet she’s waiting for you with a bouquet of lilacs.)
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..His Hands =-.
Okay – this has officially made it on my “top ten” favorites list of best overall CK blogs. LOVE IT (and I, too, am DONE at 2. But again, that could be because I, too, went from a size B to D to A with #1 and A to D to -A with #2!).
I thought I wanted another but after reading this, I’m done now to! :)
I hate the “Are you done” question. Only in my case they add “yet.” Like I know yet. And if I am and if we have an oops, then everyone knows. If I’m not, then I’m a freak of nature. Or, in my FIL’s opinion, we’re immature and irresponsible. Basically, no one needs to know except you and the husband; everyone else shpuld shut up. Hmmmm, I think I’m a little more passionate about this than I thought.
.-= faemom´s last blog ..Things I learned this week 5/21 =-.
Oh, C-K. You make me laugh. And then you make me cry. How do you do that so seamlessly?
I might just put your sticker on my ass now and take a picture. It will serve you right.
Amazing post, my friend.
-Francesca
.-= Mayhem & Moxie´s last blog ..Wanted: Summer Internship with a Blogger. Together, We Can Be Happy. =-.
I never knew you had a third daughter…my heart aches for you. I am behind in my reading, so forgive me for being tardy with my comments…LOL I am also DONE and people jsut don’t get it, isn’t 4 enough??? 17, 15, one step 16, 4.5 and 2.5!!!!!!! enough is enough!
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