Last night I wanted to give up.
Crawl under the covers and let my mind fall away.
The boys pushed every last nerve. Literally.
I wrote this on the whiteboard in our office:
Apparently I made sure to date it so that I could remember the exact moment I was about to lose it. (Good thing it’s erasable and I didn’t carve it into the bedroom doors, my forehead or worse, my kids’ backsides? I’m sure I’d regret that.) I’m amazed I didn’t put a time-stamp on it, too. If I had to guess, it was probably between 6:00 and 6:30 pm.
•
I stole a few minutes between bathtime and bedtime to jot down some thoughts on Intentional Happiness.
What? You can’t make out my scrawl? I’ll interpret:
Intentional Happiness:
1. Doing something deliberate to make yourself (most importantly) or the people around you (nearly as important) happy.
Example: getting a grande dirty soy chai at Starbucks so I can make it through yet another dinner/bathtime/bedtime routine as the only parent on call.
OR
2. Stopping in the middle of life as you know it and declaring that some small thing–unplanned, usually–is enough to make you happy right now.
Example: I am going to intentionally find happiness in the fact that the puppy will eat the dinner mess off the floor. I will carry that happiness with me as I sip my chai and struggle through the bedtime routines and and their many tantrums.
I will leave that whiteboard message behind.
In practicing this for a few weeks now I have found it results in enormous amounts of spontaneous gratitude.
•
A haircut by dad.
•
New movies from the library = peaceful car rides for mommy.
•
During our backyard picnic Ethan was stung by a bee, twice! We needed a little !!! and you never know where you’re gonna get it…
Decapitated Happy Meal victim at the hands of my husband to make the point that “YOU CAN’T PLAY WITH THE TOY UNTIL YOU EAT THE DAMN FOOD. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LEARN? WE’VE TOLD YOU THIS A 1,000 TIMES BEFORE!”
Grabs toy.
*Snap*
Throws toy away.
Fifteen minutes later Dan says: “Hey Honey, if I grab you know what out of the garbage will you take a picture of it next to one of your little sign thingies?”
Me: “Of course, honey. MY pleasure!”
•
Toy Story figurines for hours of happy fun? $12.50
Lining them all up after Mommy pops the movie in for the 13th time this week? Watching said movie while chewing on Woody’s face? Shrieking when all the characters come on screen? Priceless.
•
Tucking my 3YO and my 7YO into the tent for the night, alone!, even though everyone on Twitter said they’d never ever allow such a thing…and will probably shake their heads at me as they read this. Actually, it might be even more !!! just because of that. My boys did fine–as I knew they would–and have been begging me for a tent repeat ever since. Yup, tonight’s the night, barring thunderstorms, of course. I’m not that irresponsible.
•
My coffee cup. Reminding me that every day is new and fresh. And even when I’m just waiting to crawl under the covers and let the world fade to black, I can sip with this message in mind, and muster up some optimism.
•
What makes you
•••
Check out Bad Mommy Moments for more on our new community project.
Link up if you have some !!! to share on your own blog.
Or, simply shower us with !!! in the comments below.
I could really, really use it today!
•
Read More in !!!, Sarah Writes, three kids
Add a Comment
Come on…they can sleep in the tent at three but can’t play with the happy meal toy before eating??? What kind of Fite theory is that? Let them play with the toy dad!
Oh girl…I have been there, more times than I can count!!! Great pics..and thoughts.
.-= Bina´s last blog ..…known and well-worn… =-.
Thanks, Bina! It’s reassuring to know we are not alone, isn’t it?
I’m nodding at so many places here. Yes, intentional happiness is so needed in my little corner of the world too. First, I need to get me that mug. I think that will give me a great start every morning if I had it.
And yes to puppies that clean up messes! Don’t know what I’d do without mine. Vacuum? Mop? What’re those?
Love the pics. Well, everything really !!!
.-= Justine´s last blog ..Something borrowed, something true =-.
Got the mug at Starbucks a long, long time ago. It was one of just a handful of things I’ve ever bought not because I needed it, but because I knew it would make me happy in a special kind of way.
Actually, I think I am going to treat myself to an afternoon cup of joe right now.
Happy Weekend!
You rock my world….does that make you feel !!!? Reading the real life you live, and nodding my head in absolute understanding. Boys, we love them, we throttle them. Starbucks makes it for me every time. How does a java in that cup just do it?
And the tent…oh, the tent. Can’t wait until I can do the same with my own boys (15 months and 4 is too young right?)
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Blogging: Conversations in happiness and more =-.
Yes, Christine, yes it does make me feel !!! I need to know that I’m not hanging onto the edge all alone, you know? Not that I want you dangling there with me, but I don’t want to be by myself.
:)
Can your husband come to my house and snap the head off of our Happy Meal toy like that? That exact one? Because he really creeps me out.
I agree to !!! found in all things Toy Story. Both my boys are in love…and one likes Woody the best, the other likes Buzz. Which works out kinda perfect. I guess that’s a !!!
I need a big !!! today, it’s been raining here all week and the boys are driving me batty. Right now, my !!! is: working out every day this week and losing 2 lbs. It was totally worth giving up the donut I wanted for breakfast yesterday. :p
.-= Jenn M´s last blog ..Six Word Fridays: Message =-.
Yay to losing 2 pounds. I’ve gained weight over the past six months and it is making me feel awful on a daily basis. I need some lightening to make me feel !!!
And with one liking Woody and the other liking Buzz I’d say you struck it bigtime. I find it totally ridiculous that Toy Story is so huge in my house right now that even I am excited for the new movie coming out!
I love that Dan rescued the toy from the garbage so you could photograph it with your !!! sign. Reminds me of something Husband would do – pretty much exactly. !!! indeed.
Happy weekend, Sarah!
.-= Kristen @ Motherese´s last blog ..Home and Away =-.
It’s funny, I didn’t realize what he was talking about at first. He was gesturing in code because he didn’t want the boys to hear and get all upset about it again. It was quite the traumatic experience for Max, I do believe.
When I finally figured out what Dan was talking about–and how pleased with himself he was–all I could do was chuckle as I snapped some photos on the butcher block table.
Happy Weekend to you, too, K!
Thanks for sharing the !!! of all things boy! I grew up with three older sisters and am still learning about boy things. I recognize snapping heads off (iron man), chewing faces (turtle and dino) and homemade haircuts (doesn’t work as well with girls).
Hey, no problem, if you ever need a consultant on the land of Boy, I’m your girl! :)
!!! is right! You had a great week. Love the tent and 7 and 4 is perfect.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Recharging =-.
Coming from a truly experienced Mom, I’m glad you don’t think I’m cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs letting my boys sleep out back without me!
Have a great weekend, Nicki. I think I’ll be tapping into your Runner’s Energy as I gear up to hit the streets again. My thighs are fat and my spirit’s low. Need to read a few of my old Running Posts and find my groove again! It’s the number one thing that will help bring me more everyday !!! and I know it.
I like it–Intentional happiness. No loss without some small gain. So when I get on the scale and see that it has moved–in the wrong direction–I get to buy new clothes??
.-= Crystal´s last blog ..FESTIVUS FRIDAY: The Airing of Grievances =-.
YES YOU DO!!!
Intentional, indeed! And a little motivation never hurt.
Sarah,
Big Hugs on a tough day. We’ve all been there and we’re here for you.
Ok, First of all. Feel no guilt for indulging yourself. You earned it. I’ve been so busy that I’ve only been able to check your tweets and not the blogs til now so I was only able to offer support via 120 characters.
In fact, I want you to read this post “Women Say NO”
http://www.moneyandrisk.com/giving/giving-ideas/women-say-no-to-philanthropy/
We are all so guilty of not taking care of ourselves first.
.-= Kim @ Money and Risk´s last blog ..Your Home is not an Investment or Retirement Asset Pt 2 =-.
Thank you, Kim. This is so, so sweet. There are rough days, rough weeks, but we all make it through. The idea of Intentional Happiness has actually really, really helped me with the “getting through” part!
Intentional happiness helps me get through nearly every day. It might not be !!!, but it keeps me looking up. I love that you’re spreading the wealth here and encouraging us to do the same. I’ll go looking this weekend for some !!! – with happy intentions! TGIF (oh wait, there it is – !!!).
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..On turtle lore and stupid birthday poems =-.
TGIF, oh yes! Is it too much to ask for the weather to cooperate, and for my husband to appear for at least part of the weekend. This mommy could use some Intentional PERSONAL Happiness. Care to meet me for coffee downtown? Saturday @ 4 pm?
:)
OK, first I have a question. What is a dirty chai?
Second, I totally find happiness in my dogs cleaning up after all meals. They even lick the floors clean. (eating toddler poop on the other hand, not as endearing).
I’d love to link up with you, not sure if my post qualifies as !!!. If you get chance stop by and let me know what you think.
.-= Allison @ Alli ‘n Son´s last blog ..Photo Recap =-.
Dirty Chai Latte = Chai Latte + Shot of Espresso = Delicious!
(Good point on the dogs…and the POOP!)
For the record, I said I thought the tent thing would probably be fine, depending on the kids of course. At least I think that’s what I said…
Now I want a puppy to clean up after meals.
My Spring flowers and kisses from my kiddies make me !!! :)
.-= Elaine´s last blog .."I Left My Soul There, Down By The Sea…" * =-.
Elaine,
You made me smile with your “for the record…” I know that not EVERYONE was against my decision–and I respect those who were in every way (my expanded thoughts can be seen on the FB Fan Page), but the large majority on Twitter answered with either a “No Way” or a “Never.” Which again, is totally fine with me. Really, seriously.
Truth is, my boys had a blast, and that’s all that matters to all of us right…our kids?
I love your !!!
And it totally reminds me that I forgot to plant my spring flowers this year. Our window boxes are ¡¡¡ I’ll have to see what I can do about that this weekend.
:)
Ha! We don’t ALWAYS make sense, Jenna!
That tent looks like a lot of fun! And to have their voices and antics OUTside? !!!
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Ceviche for Miss Sunshine =-.
Yes, OUTside. Truly the best part, right?
As I catch up on comments I am trying to ignore the screams from OUTside. If they were INside they wouldn’t be tolerated in the least. I think I need to close the windows. Yup, be right back!
xo
!!!s for that coffee mug and for getting up to make the coffee to pour it in. Sometimes the only thing harder than getting through the rough night is waking up to the next day. But you did it.
Big !!!s for you.
Thanks, ck. I’m not sure if this exactly qualifies. I mean, what choice do I have. But if I can give myself props for just waking up in the morning, you better bet I’ll try. I need all the little itty bitty moments of !!! I can get.
Not fun. SO not fun. (You need some of Amber’s !!! methinks.)
I do remember those days. With teens, they push other buttons. But the good news in all this? The great coffee in the coffee mug still works wonders in the !!! department.
.-= BigLittleWolf´s last blog ..Chicken =-.
Methinks I need some of Amber’s !!! too. Not the aching health-related stuff. But whatever led to those hickeys? I’m in. (Oh yeah, what the hell happened to Operation: Lust anyway, huh? SHIT!)
I love your coffee cup! And the story about the happy meal toy is cracking me up, and that’s awesome that your hubby is getting involved :)
.-= Corinne´s last blog ..On being a mommy, all. the. time. =-.
I was pretty shocked when Dan asked me to snap the picture, actually. And then the shock turned to outright laughter that he even thought of doing such a thing!
Love these little glimpses into your life, Sarah. I’m inspired to find my own !!! moments. Hope things get better over the weekend.
.-= Gale @ Ten Dollar Thoughts´s last blog ..Homebodies and Rolling Stones =-.
Yay. Inspired. It brings me happiness just to imagine that some of these crazy ideas have the potential to inspire others!
That photo of him chewing on Woody’s face made my day. I miss how my then-little-now-big boy was so enthralled by Woody!
Excuse me, but in our house, it’s “Wooby” these days!
:)
I love the honesty and the use of narrative (constructed in your own mind and then shared with us) as an approach to drawing !!! from community to sustain you, to cultivate right action/right thinking and thus happiness… and to model it, and connection, back to the group.
I send all the !!! I can muster along with All Good Wishes
.-= Privilege of Parenting´s last blog ..Arrival of the Fittest—childhood evolving =-.
Yup, Bruce. Right Action. Right Thinking. Trying to cultivate it minute by minute. It’s a struggle. But I’m working on it.
Thanks for the Good Wishes!
!!!
My most recent post is about finding happiness and how I really and truly believe that it is the little things that can make such a big difference. Everyone is different but for all of us there are little steps we can take that can make us so much happier – AND help get though THOSE days!
Yes. Little steps. And whatever it takes. A cup of java from Starbucks. Changing your focus from the tantrums to the beautiful curls on your kid’s head (even as he kicks and screams). The details of life. The things that change our moments.
What I wouldn’t give for a dad who cuts the boys hair instead of having to pay someone to do it. Now that would make me !!!
.-= Jane´s last blog ..Jane Readjusts Her Halo And Sets The Record Straight =-.
Well, we try over here. It’s easiest with the little ones. Oh, and the boy with the curly locks? I think we could use a Flowbee on him. Doesn’t matter how good or bad the cut is, it curls up and under and all around his head just the same!
:)
My !!! is catching up on my blogs and eating Nutella from the jar in my quiet house. (Dare I even type it??) !!!
And !!! for canine floor-lickers, for sure. =>
.-= Stacia´s last blog ..Inquiring Minds =-.
THAT…is a good one.
Especially the part about the quiet house when I KNOW you’ve got a scrumptious little newborn there.
What on Earth are you doing awake? Shouldn’t you be catching up on sleep, not blogs?
Oh, right, you’re drunk on Nutella. Okay, I totally understand.
:)
I love this! Especially how you said it resulted in “enormous amounts of spontaneous gratitude.” Can’t ask for more than that in life…
Love this. As i think you know I agree that life – and great joy – exists in these tiny moments.
Not EVERYONE on Twitter, love… I was (& am) all for it!!
I loved this post.
I totally get it.
Once when Dan was gone hunting for a week, a kept a list of all the injustices launched at my sorry, solo self by my two kids under 3.
And then I woke up to a fresh cup of coffee and said, “oh my babies. I can do this.”
.-= 6512 and growing´s last blog ..It’s Friday and what is she talking about? =-.
I’ve learned that even when I have to FORCE myself to find gratitude in the small moments, I still get a nice boost. “Appreciation appreciates.”
You may have seen it on my blog, but our fam started a tradition of sharing what we are thankful for each night at dinner. It helps us all find joy even in the crappiest of days. (Every Sunday I post highlights, and the list has now become a family album of sorts.)
Hope today is brighter!
Liz, I love your Sunday Grace posts. Such a wonderful idea and tradition and family album.
My daughter has been begging me for a tent night. I might just let her do it, now!
.-= Mama Zen´s last blog ..Wanna Try, Mama? =-.
I can’t imagine my kids would want to spend the night in a tent alone, but I’d let them. I think. Of course, I’d probably lock the gate. And leave the baby monitor on. And maybe not sleep.
I had that “last nerve” day yesterday and when Hubs came home, I went upstairs, ate Mounds and cried at the TV. He did the bedtime routine – sort of, they all slept in their beds at any rate. If he hadn’t been home, there would have had to be alcohol involved in my TV crying.
My !!! painting outside
!!! Eating outside – as a family of sharks no less, eating eels and fish blood
!!! AT singing God Bless America over and over for 37 minutes (yes, I timed it!) after hearing it on hockey.
!!! GR calling popsicles “frozen happy”
.-= Cranky Sarah´s last blog ..I don’t accept “Boys will be boys” =-.
You may have been stressed, but you turned it around beautifully. You know you’ll be ok when you can have a day like that and still come out laughing:)
.-= Hear Mum Roar´s last blog ..Remembering the birth of my son =-.
We always had the same rule with the Happy Meal toys. Then came a day we never anticipated: the day they both were too old to want the toy yet young enough to still qualify for meals. They left the toys in the packages or gave them to other kids who were younger. I don’t know if I would’ve done the toy thing any differently when they were younger, but it was disconcerting to realize that it was over.
With Toy Story 3 coming out, and my daughter being just the wrong age so that she never saw eigher 1 or 2, we had a toy story festival the other night and she loved them! And Mom Who Collects Toys (that’s me) let her open all those old packages and it was a gratifying moment to see her playing with stuff that had somehow been waiting for her. (And yes, I checked it on ebay first and saw that it was never going to be worth anything!)
.-= Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla´s last blog ..The Plastic Oy Award =-.
Here’s to raising independent kids! I’m glad they enjoyed the tent. Don’t worry about negatwitters.
It’s posts like these that keep me going. You remind me in so many ways of myself and just that I’m not the only one.
For example. this is the third time I’ve sent the daredevil to go brush his teeth. This time with water. This time with toothpaste. This time with FRESH toothpaste. Did you floss? Did you brush your tongue? Did you hum your ABC’s to make sure you brushed long enough? Did you rinse? Did you spit in the sink or all over the mirror?
Ugh.
I love that they are sleeping in a tent in the backyard. If our backyard wasn’t a concrete slab backed by an alley-cum-thoroughfare, I’d totally be kicking mine out, too!
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..foto friday: funny baby face =-.
Great list this week…I’m planning on joining soon b/c I think it’s a great idea. I escaped yesterday and bought myself an iced mocha and got my toenails done….and stopped biting everyone’s head off! ;)
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Mommy Tip Monday — Summer Daddy Dollars =-.
I love your white board message – because it puts everyone on notice! “Watch out kids, Mommy’s not in a good mood!” Fear can be pretty effective.
And a tent?! Awesome! Why didn’t I ever have tent sleepovers in my backyard?
.-= Eva @ Eva Evolving´s last blog ..Bringing that vacation happiness home =-.