I couldn’t seem to pull it together last week. I kept trying to write, but I was having trouble staying focused. I think I have too much on my mind lately. Here’s a few of the things that I dwelled on long enough to jot down as ideas but that never quite made it any farther than a sentence or two in post form:
It is a foregone conclusion that the needs of a certain child in my household always seem to come before everyone elses, regardless of the circumstances.
Why did I dream of an explosion leaping out of a sink basin and into my face, causing me to wake abruptly in a flash of white light? (i.e., What is it that’s going to blow up in my face? I’m waiting…)
Will my house forever smell like pee?
What IS that rash on my baby’s butt?
I miss time alone (out of the house) with my sweetie. Eating out; strolling downtown; holding hands; not worrying about the time or everything that needs to be done to keep this family rolling along.
I miss space. For myself. Just me. And, yes, I can’t help but think about Virginia Woolf. But I’m a little afraid to revisit A Room of One’s Own. It seems such an impossible reality for me right now. I think I’d just be more frustrated.
I’m sad we don’t have a real vacation planned for this summer. But I’m happy that we’ve been busy enjoying the summer one day at a time. Sometimes not having something big to look forward to makes me appreciate the littler activities more.
If I’m going to take a hiatus from the blog is it better to announce my intentions or just let things go for a while?
I need to find a little freelance work. Ideas anyone? I’m for hire. Or, at least, my pen is.
It’s really difficult to balance the need for one kid’s nap with the needs–and activities–of everyone else in the family.
Summer is going by way too fast.
Read More in home, Jen Writes, three kids, unpaid work, writing
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I love your “list of sorts,” sister. Especially the bit about appreciating summer one day at a time. Without a big vaca to look forward to, I find I’m doing the same. But lazing around the lake front in VT with you and our kids (and our brother’s kids) still sounds better than anything else I could come up with this summer.
Sigh. There’s always another summer, right?
I”m in desperate need for a room to myself too. With a door. Without toys. In fact, if toys are found, they will immediately be burned.
5 Minutes for Mom has a freelance job board, there might be something on it for you.
I hear you my friend, on so many of these things. No family vacations planned here (though two adult ones to look forward too), missing quality time with the hubs desperately (the connnection at the moment is weak), trying to figure out how to enjoy summer days with a 17 mo old who is still napping twice a day (such a struggle, and at times an irritant). Appreciating the moments day by day (working on that). All this to say, I understand!
Take care of yourself and do what you need if you can. xo
You know what? You sound like me today.
I think giving up the blog would be kinda lonely, how about a limit of one hour when the kids are in bed and no longer need you?
This list says enough. The snippets reflect well what it is like to go through a week as a mom…and as a writer. That is about the time we have to think our deep thoughts and pen our witty phrases. Will you PLEASE explore that first prompt…about the kid in your house who seems to come before everyone else? Is it the same kid all the time? Mine is generally my middle kid, and I wonder if that is what happens when you have three. I need my own room too!!
I’ve noticed the same thing with the naps. I sometimes think it’s more hassle than it’s worth. That’s before she falls asleep, though, and then I change my mind. Because the (relative) peace, it’s nice.
Wow, I can totally relate. It’s a wonder we sleep at all, what with all the spinning thoughts in our head.
We are skipping a big vacation this year, too, and I’m a little bummed. But you’re so right…it does make you appreciate the smaller moments and get out and do more because you don’t have the big trip to plan/look forward to etc.
We are also in the same boat with balancing naps and big kid stuff. Coordinating camp pickup/dropoffs has been a huge pain. It’s actually easier on the weeks when everyone is home–as long as I can keep them quiet during naptime.
P.S. I would miss you if you stopped blogging!
http://www.demandstudios.com.
It’s an online “middle man” if you will, that hooks up freelance writers with a variety of online publications. You attach a resume right there online. You can write up to 10 articles a day and get paid per article ($15 per article,I think) and you are not required to write any if you don’t want or are having a day. You can grab the articles you want to write (they have a variety of subjects). It’s totally up to you how much or little you write. Good gig. Good luck. LOVE your blog.
xo,
Tessa
The room. I would like one of those with a soundproof feature. Some days we all need an escape. I think we all can relate to this post on some level.
Hang in there.
I am convinced that yes, my house will forever smell like pee until I either get a new house or the children leave.
Jen, thanks for posting this – this great little rambling collection of thoughts. Because it is so real and relatable. This is life – especially the part about how fast summer is going by!! Hang in there, things are bound to get better. Just like that rash, some annoyances amazingly get better on their own.
I could have written at least 3/4 of this post as if it were my life. Or maybe all… ;-)
Hang in there! I think we all have those days where we can hardly get a thought to come through…
I would like a room, too, BTW. One that is decorated for me, cleaned up and organized by someone else…and full stocked with calorie free adult beverages!
I so desperately want/need a room to myself. And not the bathroom, although I don’t even get that to myself either.
Random thoughts equate a perfectly functional post by the way. I do it all the time. I enjoyed yours. AND YES! Summer is flying by way too fast. (sniff, sniff)
Summer is flying by at such a fast speed I haven’t had a chance to sink into my annual stay-at-home-boredom fest. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss it. But it IS weird to play catch-up on everything instead.
Good luck searching for freelance work. You’re a wonderful writer. I bet someone will snatch you up quickly!
I understand the swirling thoughts, and how they refuse to settle into a good flow. Whenever I find myself seeking what I can’t have (a room, more time, less pawing), I get immeasurably unhappier. But accepting the toys everywhere (in my underwear drawer!?) and the fractured days and nights, oddly helps. Sometimes.
Summer is here? What? Who Says? How can you ruin my day like this Jen?
I didn’t even notice because life has been so hectic for me after I took on the blog project.
It’s the daily fun in life that we remember anyway. Vacations are only memorable if something awful or stupid happened.
I love these random thoughts – that don’t seem so random. You’re in the thick of it. I wonder how we survive these years, yet we do.
Oh I know that feeling…that yearning for space and time and to just be and breathe. Life gets a bit suffocating sometimes, and carving out small chunks of sanity from the chaos of life is exhausting. Worthwhile yes, but exhausting.
Hope you get some breathing room soon…it’s there, waiting to be found and enjoyed. Just wish those moments didn’t have to be so brief!
I can assure you, and the Jen in the comments, that the house will NOT smell like pee forever. Of course, I brought the cheerios back out when the 25 year old moved back in as he seems to pee in the dark or some such crap.
I love taking summer one day at a time. I have no vacation here either. My mother is coming east for two weeks. I have made a couple weekend getaways, mostly involving races.
Enjoy life! Do what you have to about the blog! We will all be here when you are writing, whenever that is.
I love little lists. Or big lists. Or just lists. Because our lives have turned themselves from the long descriptive narratives of Virginia Woolf into little bitty compartments that fit in our hands and on our computers and in our heads. And the lists sum them up so clearly, yours is beautiful, perfect and so true.
I love that your referenced Virginia Woolf. I just read Orlando. Parallel lives my friend, parallel lives.
A step away, a deep breath, a long exhale. Take it all for as long as you need. Do what feels right. We’ll be here.
Summer always goes too fast.