enough

what i want to write is this:

I AM ENOUGH

but this is how i feel:

i’m afraid i’ll never write another decent stream of words in my life

i’m afraid i’ll never be able to hang on to the feeling of calm that a kickass conversation with a close friend brings

i’m afraid i’ll get lost in the dirty, boring details–the laundry, the bills, the organizing, scheduling, remembering of life

i’m afraid i’ll lose track of where i am and where i wanted to be and all that will remain is a washed-up woman with three children and a still-messy life

i’m afraid i’ll never learn how to fake it and that the truth will continue to scare people away

i’m afraid i’ll resign myself to crappy parenting and a crappy body image because i can’t find it within me to be consistently more than i consistently am not

–

despite my fears

i have to force myself to say it, write it, scream it aloud

because i know that it is true:

I AM ENOUGH

WE ARE ENOUGH

i believe it

in my heart of hearts

i just wish it weren’t so damn hard to remember

and there wasn’t so much struggle in life

because fuck character

i want some peace of mind

–

Tagged as: it's just my life