“In case we disappear for a few days. Ya know?”
Sarah wrote this in an e-mail to me, in response to my continued amazement at the liquid intake of my son. She and I each have a child who consumes copious amounts of liquid. Juice cups are filled and refilled throughout the day. Thermoses are constantly on hand. And while I sincerely hope there is no correlation between their intake of apple juice and water now to the amount of alcohol they ingest in their teen years, it really is remarkable to witness.
It’s also extremely irritating. No matter what, there is always a refill needed.
Meanwhile, my tank is so low that I walk around most days with a tightness in my chest and near shortness of breath.
My son is not diabetic.
I am not in the early stages of heart failure.
Our situation is not so easy to diagnose. I have plenty to drink, but my emotional reserves are never, ever adequate.
Being needed all the time defines the phrase “It’s a blessing and a curse.” Being a mother fulfills a part of me that nothing else could have. I know this with confidence. Having children also drains me in ways that no amount of physical exercise ever has.
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear for a few days.
When my daughter asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her, “Two days alone.” She looked at me like I had told the biggest untruth she’d ever heard. She was completely dumbfounded. “But, Mama. We have to spend your birfday togevver. As a famiwy.”
Yes. Together. We do. It’s important. I have been presented with the most thoughtful and truly heart-warming homemade drawings. I have even been given a real house made of cards–old business cards–and transparent tape. It is elaborate. My almost-5-year-old (“But Mama…”) worked hard on it. My baby (not a baby, I know) has said, “Happy Birthday, Mom” over and over, in near perfect diction. We had blueberry pie for breakfast. It’s been a good birthday. We are all here. There have been fewer than usual fights and less shrieking and unproductive noise. More than usual hugs and kisses. Not as many “No” utterances. More time for me to write. My reserves are a tiny bit replenished.
But my chest still is tight. I still want those two days. They can come at another time. It doesn’t have to be ON my birthday. But time is the only way I know to refill myself in the way that I need to. And I need to.
Read More in birthday, health, home, Jen Writes, middle child, mind/body, motherhood, oldest child, three kids, youngest child
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Happy Birthday, sister-sister. I should have posted an embarrassing photo of you, or you and me together… nah, just you. But I didn’t. I dropped the ball as I often do. You know what, though? This, THIS, this post is so much better than anything I could have said. Because it is you. And it is real. And finding time to write is the best birthday gift you could have given yourself (with the help, no doubt, of the other 4 people in your house giving you a bit of time and space, liquids aside…)!
I love you. Happy Birthday. Can we schedule our birthday sister date now?
Happy Birthday!
And I relate to everything, oh so much. I also have an almost 5 year old, and he’s a “But Mama….” too. The constant neediness wears me right down to the bone, but when I do get little snatches of time alone, I feel like someone has chopped my arm off, like I’m incomplete somehow. What’s up with that?
Anyway, Happy Birthday again, and thank you for your honesty.
-Ellie
Happy Birthday :)
I hope you get those two days soon…
We always need them. Always.
Happy birthday! Hope you get those two days, soon. It’s a sort of emotional/social claustrophobia, isn’t it? An almost panic-like sensation. Not fun, but a couple of days away certainly have a medication-like effect. I know that strong desire for a quiet, dark space with no one else to talk to me. Just sit quietly.
That, or some fabulous spa where you sit in a bathrobe and have people bring you fancy drinks and give you massages. Check out Fairly Odd Mother, I think she did something like that a few months ago and it sounded like heaven. :-)
Happy birthday. And yes to that emotional reserve being refilled soon. My husband and I are both at the point. Not good timing.
Happy Birthday! I could really use 2 days, too. I hope they come soon, for both of us.
Happy birthday! You write what we all long for: two days away by yourself.
Sometimes blueberry pie does taste the teensiest bit sweeter when you don’t have to share. Or can listen to nothing but the sound of yourself licking your lips. Happy Birthday! Hope you find those two days, somehow, some way, some day.
Happy, happy birthday dear Jenn. I am not sure how, but I know you MUST. Trust me, this is coming from a woman who does it often. It helps, it makes you feel human again and you’ll be amazed how it fills your stores. So I hope you do. Make it a priority if you can. Take care of you, because without you there is no them, and that would be far worse.
Hugs on your special day.
xo
Birthdays feel bitter sweet to me these days, not because the number is rising (better than the alternative), but because it is not my day. I want MY day. I hope you get yours. Two or more.
Oh, how I know that feeling! But I don’t think I’ve *ever* had two whole days to myself. I would love it though. Even just a few hours away, for *me time* is blissful. I hope you do get that time away. And soon. You deserve it. And your family deserves it. They will get a much happier, relaxed mama. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday.
I love hearing it when real moms tell it like it is. Thank god I’m not alone.
Happy Birthday.
I truly hope that you get those 2 days alone. I have some coming and I am so excited, I can’t begin to tell you.
Happy Birthday! So real, so true… You put it so well. Exactly what I feel too… I hope you get those 2 days.
I SO know what you mean. I just went through this, after my hubby was gone for 3 weeks. Yes, I only have one kid, but he is exhausting none the less. I hope you get your time, even if you have to pack up and leave for a day or two. Feeling whole and recharged again does wonders for your outlook, and for dealing with everyday life.
Oh, and happy birthday.
Happy birthday! Blueberry pie should always be a breakfast choice. Pie and coffee. That is a plan I could get on board with.
I hope your birthday brings everything you need, and soon.
Happy Birthday, Jen! I wish you’d gotten those two days, but homemade cards and blueberry pie for breakfast is a pretty good substitute.
By the way, Miss D. is the same way with liquids. Where does she put it all?
Happy birthday!!
Any mom who says she cannot relate to your need for some alone time is a big liar, liar, pants on fire. I have requested (demanded?) a night alone at a hotel for my birthday. Like you said, not ON the actual day, but near. What a gift that would be!
I hope you get your alone time soon. Until then, enjoy your togevverness.
Happy Birthday!
I was originally going to write, “I hope you get your day away”….and then thought, “No, I hope you take your day.” Because sometimes we DO have to take it, even when it seems selfish or inconvenient. You will come back a better mother and wife.
This is EXACTLY how I feel about Mother’s Day. Like, sure it’s mother’s day and I’m supposed to hang out with you all day, but if it’s REALLY mother’s day you’d freaking leave me alone to sleep in until 10, take a walk by myself, read a book on the beach, paint my toenails, eat an entire 10-piece order of cheese breadsticks and watch a Harry Potter marathon all by myself. Right?
Happy late birthday!
I believe that every mother AND father feels this way. Parenting really is exhausting. My husband currently works at a recreational facility for emotionally disturbed teens and he does basically the same things I do during the day (except he gets paid). Every night he comes home drained and talks about his day while I nod with complete understanding. At the end of the day I feel like I have run a marathon, without the sense of accomplishment.
I dream about those two days. I try to plan each delicious second of free time … but the two days just gets more elusive. One day, lady. For you and me both.
Happy Birthday Jen.
I get it. I really get it. Hubby has has asked (my parents) for 2 nights of babysitting back to back for the last 3 years…he even went so far as to call my mom himself and stutter through the question when I didn’t want to b/c she’d been watching them too often that year. We’ve learned not to be too verbal about it…people in general are pretty much: “You want to celebrate your birthday AWAY from your kids?! What kind of father are you?”
As much as the love from our children can provide happiness, we all need alone time to recharge. When you became a mother, you didn’t stop being a person and morph into a being that can run on empty all the time. I love my kids, I love being around them, but I also love being by myself. No bums to wipe, no screaming, no one needing me constantly.
I can soooo empathize with the over consumption of liquids. I had the Dr. test my son at 2 for diabetes because I was convinced that no kid should drink that much. Glad to see I’m not alone!
Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you get your two days soon.
Happy Day to you.
I stumbled across your blog at the right moment. All I wanted the other day was to go to the store ALONE. To buy toilet paper.
It didn’t happen because “You could NEEEEED me! I could MISS something cool! Wahhhh!” shesh, cut me a break kid.
Myssie aka Nico’s (from S’s school) Mama
Happy Birthday Jen and believe me, you need and deserve those 2 days. SCHEDULE them as a present to yourself. I relish time alone without my kids and there were times when it was hard to go back to them and I felt like a month wouldn´t even be enough. Now that they are almost 7 and almost 9 it is better but I still think that silence is golden and that we all just need a room of our own sometimes. And besides it is so good for dad´s to have to deal with it all for a bit. I think itmakes them apprieciate us a little bit more : )
Happy belated birthday, Jen. I hope you collected an “I O U 2 days” from one of the other adults in the vicinity… You deserve it, and it really does help.
Happy (belated) Birthday! Consumption. It’s a wasting disease that all mothers have, where our hearts are stretched thin and our patience thinner. And all we need is a couple of days to recharge, alas those days of recharging come with their own cost, the disease known as guilt.
It’s the reason I haven’t had a chance to turn on my computer in the last month, even writing this comment I have been interrupted three times by children who were supposed to be bushing their teeth or who had already been tucked in to bed, requesting a retuck.