We are close to the edge
It feels dangerous, risky, too real
The pit in my stomach, permanent
For far too many weeks now
Shows no signs of leaving me
But I must not turn away
I hang on, wanting closed eyes
Except I must keep them open
Because it is my job: mother
To keep my family surviving, thriving
So I peek over the edge.
Step back. Breathe deeply. And believe.
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Hard to be brave, isn’t it?
With kids involved, becomes stunningly easy.
Oh, Jen, my friend. Hugging you.
This feeling, I know it too.
Breathe deeply, know you aren’t alone.
Jen! I do love these words. They show your vulnerability but they also show all our vulnerabilities. You have a wonderful way with words.
I’m sure you won’t be surprised when I tell you that I have a post started about being on the edge, and the fear it brings as well as the possibility.
I’m feeling like that right now. :(
I can so relate to being on the edge…unable to look…great entry!
I’m amazed at how often I am standing at the brink or my patience or my sanity and am able to pull myself back and hold it together.
Scared, but brave. Vulnerable and strong.
These words are a brilliant salve
from an eloquent and inspiring friend.
I used to run and hide from the things that scared me. I still want to. But, I cannot, must not. Lovely.
The things that we do for family.
The rocks that we climb- trembling.
The eyes that we keep open
Despite the overpowering urge to fall.
But believing is everything- so true!
So hard to embrace that feeling,
Yet if anyone can, it’s you.
And to step back, not forward,
Takes more courage than you think.
I love the last line. Such an important reminder to trust the process, no matter how hard it is to do so while we are in it.
I can wholeheartedly relate. Especially to the line “but I must not turn away.”
Being a mother, so much responsibility.
The hardest thing, yet so rewarding.
Keep on believing, you will triumph.
Sometimes the edge makes me stronger.
But oh, how I’d rather not.
Not look over into the unknown,
Not have to face the fears.
Hiding doesn’t do much good, though…
Someday I’ll be better at this. :)
“Step back. Breathe deeply. And believe.”
You’ve summed up motherhood perfectly. Especially the believing part.
I just sat back. Breathed deeply. And say thank you with complete and total understanding.
SO hard to be brave when it is your heart that you are dealing with…Hang in there…Eventually, it gets slightly easier…
I’m curious to know what you’re on the brink of, but whatever it is, this resonates anyway. You are such a poet, and your words ring true.
Ah, yes, believe. What’s the alternative?
facing fears – never easy; children gives us that courage!
We must never turn away. This beautifully worded post has touched my heart, and I thank you for getting me outside of myself for a change……….cj
This is lovely and painful. Whatever the brink is, we pull ourselves back from it. Over and over. For our kids. Because there is no other option, for most of us.
Wave after testing wave, renewal too.
Thinking of you.
‘To keep my family surviving, thriving.”
Six little words, one humongous task. It’s a little easier to ease back from the brink when you know someone else has been there, too.