Please welcome Cathy today. She submitted a Love It Up post, writing bravely about new love in all of its rawness and vulnerability.
Oh my god I love you so much. That’s what I want to tell you every time I think of you. Every time I am with you. Every time I kiss you. Every time I’m holding your hand. Every time you put your arm around my shoulder and pull me close, tight against you. I love you so much I feel my heart ache and tears can sprout to my eyes. Literally.
I have read about love like this. I have never felt it before. Not for anyone. Not for anything. It is different than the love I feel for my children. I love them deeply, too. But, this is adult love. It is passion, and more. Saying it’s passion seems to lessen the experience.
The love I feel with you is like none other. It is the very drug I need and my entire being absorbs it all in, like a dry sponge set gently in a pool of water. I cannot get enough. It feels like an addiction. The Shins say it best, “when you tell me with your tongue and your breath is in my lungs.” I need to breathe you in. I do when you are with me. It’s intoxicating. You are morphine and valium all at once as I imagine they’d be.
The distance, it keeps us apart. It is how we must live at the moment. You don’t want me to miss you but to instead relish in the time we enjoy together. And I do. I do both. I want to miss you. I don’t want to get used to you not being here with me.
You reassure. You are my Valentine and I am yours. You tell me I’m beautiful. I believe it. I believe you. There is no distrust nor disbelief. And that makes my heart swell more. And more tears. Tears of joy. Tears of fear.
I want more but it terrifies me. I don’t know what to say or what to do, or where to go from here. So I will keep doing what I’ve been doing. Savoring the moments we are together. Missing you when you’re not. Thinking of you always. Loving you every minute.
Are you in love? Sound familiar? Let Cathy know how her love makes you feel!
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Love It Up ends tonight. Thanks to everyone who has linked up. And there’s still time if you haven’t. Details here.
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Oh, Cathy, I remember this love. Sometimes, even after 11 years of marriage and being together for a total of 19, it still hits me. It is that “am I breathing? I can’t tell if I’m breathing” kind of love. That no one else exists when we’re together kind of love, that this must be what crack feels like kind of love. And even in a comparison of crack, morphine, and valium, it is still a good thing.
Oh yes! Am I breathing…..great feeling.
Cathy! Oops. I never commented on your letter, which I love and am so happy you shared. I love it, and all that it says of newness and excitement and … gasp … risk and vulnerability. Also, I’m happy you’re happy! Thanks for loving it up with us.
Thanks for giving me a space to confess. I’m putting a toe in the water – testing it out. It’s good to be honest with my feelings.
You listen to The Shins? I love you already.
Yes – I love, love, love The Shins! Thank goodness for my kids for keeping me up to date with good music. xoxo