Sarah and I were talking yesterday about how lucky we are. There are so many reasons, of course, but our conversation centered around family. Our own childhoods, with engaged, educated, interesting, fun parents who each respected their children and encouraged us all to excel, to take risks, to grow. OK, we didn’t use those words during our chat, but that’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? Having good parents means so very much. Now that we’re both in the thick of it, trying oh so hard to be good parents ourselves, we call upon our own childhood experiences more [...]
Read More in Dad, GG, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, siblings, sisters, special occasions, three kids, three kids (six kids), writingJanuary 24, 2012
Memories to strive for
January 13, 2012
Needing to need
“You might want to say awesome.” Words straight out of my 3-year-old’s mouth. Apparently I didn’t praise her quickly enough–in this case for getting herself dressed. Or maybe it wasn’t the getting dressed itself, rather the choice of clothing: A fleece pullover of dinosaur print that, not so incidentally, has a matching fleece dinosaur-print hat, complete with stegasaurus-like spikes. She was getting dressed for school–an event that happens only twice per week–and I gathered that she’d been planning the ensemble for some time. Sweetie and I have laughed about this particular sentence spoken by our spirited and strong-willed daughter, who [...]
Read More in GG, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kids, writing, youngest childJanuary 10, 2012
Fulfilled yet still wanting
I knew what I wanted. A book on my shelf with my name on its spine. I set a goal. A weekly goal. A yearly goal. A goal related to a certain age. That age. The one that used to signify over the hill but that now might be a mark of the last years of youth. Except for a soft middle, crowed eyes, gray hair on me, this woman who is so, so tired. I don’t feel young. I feel like I am at a place where the opportunities slip away faster than they come to light. I feel [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kids, writingNovember 12, 2011
On formative experiences, past and present.
A weekend of friends. A sunburn. Conversation. Camaraderie. Picture taking. A dinner. A brunch. A row. Reminiscing. Reunions can be fraught with the unknown. With vanity that rears its ugly head, pointing out my too-long, uncut hair. My unfit middle. My dry, blotchy skin and tired eyes. Vanity can hold me back, grip me in the chest. Make me want to be invisible. But you can’t have the full experience and be invisible. You have to risk being the most wrinkly, most tired-looking, most frazzled, nervous person in the room (or at the boathouse, as it were). You have to [...]
Read More in body image, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, motherhood, special occasions, three kidsOctober 7, 2011
From patient to mother: A birth story
It’s likely my life was saved by my obstetrician. There I was, heading blithely to his office for my regular check up–weekly now. I was wearing my favorite blue linen maternity pants, even though it wasn’t quite warm enough for them. It was my first official day of leave from work. A Tuesday. I was looking forward to a few weeks at home. Folding onesies, reading baby books, finally settling on a name for our son. Seven words—and my doctor’s eyes fixed on mine—changed my life forever: “You’re going to have this baby today.” These were the days before Sweetie [...]
Read More in health, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, mind/body, motherhood, three kidsJune 26, 2011
Perhaps the best P.S. in history
There’s nothing like cleaning out file cabinets to bring inspiration out of hiding. As I sit at my newly dusted, decluttered desk, surrounded by discovered/recovered emails from almost 15 years ago, I’m reliving a part of my past. There is overwhelming sadness that this folder stuffed full of dozens of printed emails is a record of a part of my life that also represents the last few years of my dad’s life. It is strange to go back and read the words of my three most intimate friends—my mom, my friend Cara and Sarah—with the knowledge now of how many [...]
Read More in Dad, GG, history aka before kids, Jen WritesJune 24, 2011
Anniversary
If we could devote this day to just the two of us as the calendar says we might how would we pass the time? Walking to town hand in hand browsing in bookstores and music stores Sitting outside, watching people go by Even enjoying a quiet meal together? That’s how we spent our days before one address, before three children. I think back and am grateful. We leaped together. We’re still aloft.
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, relationshipApril 19, 2011
Seven years and nine months ago
I remember the positive test. And the resulting sweaty palms and inability to stand. I remember calling my sister, herself already mother to a 12-month-old. I remember the disbelief. The excitement. The absolute wonder. I remember formulating the words in my mind, “I’m pregnant.” I remember sitting in a cafe, looking around the room and thinking, “I wonder who else is pregnant.” I remember walking down the street, wondering if any other women had the same secret. I remember dwelling on this strange feeling that, although I’ve never been someone to reveal it all, there was this huge part of [...]
Read More in birthday, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, oldest childAs I sat in the waiting room of my daughter’s ballet school a few months ago I perused a magazine uninterrupted. And I came across a quote that I read over and over again. I am so grateful for moments such as these. In this case, an article about the actress Diane Lane offered me unexpected clarity. Here’s the gem that sparkled before me and that I wrote down, nodding all the way: “Being in a relationship makes it impossible to avoid yourself. … It may not always make me comfortable but it sure has made me a better person. [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, motherhood, relationship, three kids, writingMarch 17, 2011
In which I consider doing a jig
My dad wasn’t a morning person. The phrases with which he greeted each day are not ones I can transcribe here. He didn’t sleep well. He woke up in nicotine debt. He didn’t particularly look forward to going to work in the mornings. I know, I’m not painting a pretty picture. There were a few days each year, though, when dad came down the stairs with a spring in his step, the sound of the abundance of change in his pants’ pockets jingling. And St. Patrick’s Day was one of the days that put him in a lighter mood. He [...]
Read More in Dad, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kidsDecember 17, 2010
For Cara. And her sweet Squeaky.
Happiness is an old friendship renewed with the birth of her daughter. Motherhood reuniting us. An unlikely scenario it once seemed. And now. Happiness. As we talk on the phone for the second time in weeks (and the third time in years) I hear in her lilting voice in the words rapidly spilling out the love, the wonder, the joy the happiness for that new life the life of her sweet daughter and for her journey into motherhood. Welcome to the world darling girl I can’t wait to meet you and to see your mama again. It’s Six Word Friday, [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsDecember 3, 2010
Caption contest winner revealed!
Remember this? Anyway, there were 16 responses to our Caption Contest, and they were all great. Thanks to all of you who played along. Fourteen entries came through the comments. And two came via e-mail—a brave short story written by a blog friend and a touching tribute to, ahem, me, written by my college-days friend Rachel. But, because we called it a contest (and because we said we would), we selected one grand winner and 15 runner ups. So. After much deliberating, we decided to go with Bina’s: Internal thought: “Ok. If I stand like thiiiis and smile pretty, maybe [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, siblings, sisters, three kidsYou are young. So you know everything. You leap into the boat and begin rowing. But, listen to me. Without fanfare, without embarrassment, without any doubt, I talk directly to your soul. Listen to me. Lift the oars from the water, let your arms rest, and your heart, and heart’s little intelligence, and listen to me. There is life without love. It is not worth a bent penny, or a scuffed shoe. It is not worth the body of a dead dog nine days unburied. When you hear, a mile away and still out of sight, the churn of the [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, mind/body, motherhood, three kids, writingAplomb. It is one of my favorite words. I remember the exact moment I first encountered it. And was desperate to know its meaning. I was standing on the banks of the Connecticut River. Crew practice had yet to begin, and I had just come from the college post office. I was reading a letter. A letter from a friend at a college hours away. A boy friend. (But not a boyfriend.) A friend of the unrequited angsty, teenage crush variety. We had spent a few years in high school trying to figure out the nature of our relationship, I [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, motherhood, relationship, three kidsJune 25, 2010
Goals.
They used to be much bigger. Write novel. Have baby (or three). Now, to do dishes after dinner I feel achievement unlike any other. I want to strive for more.
Read More in chores, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kids, writingJune 20, 2010
Loyalty.
I spent this past basketball season becoming a True Celtics Fan. With Sweetie, I watched nearly every televised game, up to and including Game 7 of the finals, the scrappy match against the Lakers that ended the Celts’ season just short of them having achieved the crowning glory of the title. Sweetie is a longstanding Celtics fan, and on game nights we would put the kids to bed and tune in. From pregame to postgame and the halftime analysis in between, I watched and listened beside him, as I have for years. I don’t know why this year was different. [...]
Read More in Dad, history aka before kids, home, Jen Writes, relationship, three kidsJune 18, 2010
Appetite.
I wish we could go back to that first meal we shared together in a small, darkish restaurant. I wish I could watch us From just a few tables away. Would I predict our bright future?
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kidsJune 9, 2010
Glimpse. Pause. Reflect.
I like this photo because it brings me right back to that trip to Maine, 11 years ago. The trip that Sweetie planned from start to finish. Every detail taken care of. An inn with a huge jacuzzi. Bike trails and a place to rent bikes. Bookstores to explore. I like this photo because just by looking at myself looking out at the water here, adjusting my cap, I also remember the sunset we shared and so many other details of that trip, like the fact that I was still eating fish then, and did, sitting across from my Sweetie, [...]
Read More in Dad, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, relationship, three kidsApril 17, 2010
17 Years Ago
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kids
April 12, 2010
Happy Birthday, Shaggy! Shall We Plan a Camping Trip?
P.S. Geez, was I a TOTALLY lousy big sister? Not letting you in the tent? Geez. P.P.S. Or, wait, no. I remember. You were a pesky little sister, right? P.P.P.S. Good thing none of it matters now.
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, sisters, three kidsFebruary 7, 2010
A Short Love Letter to My Sweetie
Dear Sweetie, Twelve years ago I chose you. Every day since I have chosen you. It is the easiest choice I have ever made. And I will make it again and again. All my love, Me
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, relationship, three kidsJanuary 26, 2010
Lip Service
As a mother with three young children who look to me and their father for guidance on everything from getting dressed to knowing when it is safe to cross the street, I think about the lessons I’m imparting. I think about the details of our days. I think about the times I yell at them and shouldn’t have. Or how I could have answered a difficult question differently. I think about how much little stuff goes into creating memorable lives for them. I want to create memories for my children. As parents, Sweetie and I have started traditions—of going to [...]
Read More in Dad, history aka before kids, home, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsJanuary 13, 2010
Remember Gremlins?
I wasn’t going to write anything at all with this. However, I feel it is vital to point out that Tammy was Sarah’s beloved Cabbage Patch doll. As far as I know, all other references are to actual people. (But don’t ask me about the Nerds in hearts.)
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, sisters, three kidsJanuary 4, 2010
Sometimes you have to just let them fend for themselves
The kids, I mean. Your kids. The ones who are constantly underfoot. Asking for something. A snack. Help. A story. A solution to their everpresent boredom. But sometimes you just have to let them fend for themselves. You have to let them fight, keeping an ear out for bloodshed but otherwise staying out of it. Sometimes you just have to make the decision to get something done. So you find the hammer and level. And the picture hangers. And you dust off the photos you’ve been meaning to hang for months. And some, for years. And you just go for [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, home, housework, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsDecember 4, 2009
Voila: C’est une gerbil triste
Here it is. The sad gerbil. Heartbreaking, isn’t it. The frown. Did the gerbil miss me while I was away at camp? Is the gerbil just a fill-in for Sarah? Did she miss me? I love this piece of notebook paper, so lovingly crafted into mixed-media artwork. The letters in bold marker and the attention-to-detail strokes of the crayon-colored gerbil fur. I love thinking about the time Sarah took to create this masterpiece. She was likely just 6 years old, as the rest of my gerbil-mentioning camp letters were from 1984. And here we are, 25 years later. And my [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kidsNovember 11, 2009
Fathers and sons
Many years ago I made a shallow attempt to start writing again. I was a new mom spending my days at home with a new babe. Something about all that time on my hands encouraged me to find my words again. It had been too long. A part of me remained void without a notebook filled by scrawls and scratches tucked under my arm. I was empowered by the thought of reconnecting with that piece of myself and took small steps to get there. When I finally turned on the faucet a black slop gooped out. After a few days [...]
Read More in boys, fatherhood, history aka before kids, Sarah Writes, three kidsOctober 27, 2009
The days of no me before motherhood
So I kind of abandoned Sarah this week. Talk about SCARY. I’d been walking around for days frustrated with just about every big aspect of life. (More than usual.) Money. Career. Relationship. Mommyhood. And I’d started to take it all out on my kids. And my partner. I was having imaginary conversations. Out loud. It was getting pretty ugly. And scary. Because I wasn’t making anything better. I was avoiding real conversations that needed to be had. And I was perpetuating a vicious circle of “why am I the only one” thinking. Why am I the only one to see [...]
Read More in chores, history aka before kids, home, housework, Jen Writes, Jen's Favorites, motherhood, paid work, relationship, sisters, three kids, work, writingOctober 18, 2009
Give yourself away
When I was in high school I had a favorite teacher. She would have us freewrite. It was liberating for me. I didn’t understand why some of my classmates would groan. We were given a topic and ten minutes. Our pens were instructed to flow freely and effortlessly and consistently for 10 minutes. And I say “our pens” because they really take on a life of their own when you let your mind just go. I don’t think I ever realized it until now but it was like a meditation. A release of the thoughts. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, history aka before kids, motherhood, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kids, writingOctober 9, 2009
I’ve never even touched a cigarette
So. My story is not as dramatic as Sarah’s. Haven’t read hers? You should. I’d link to it here, but you’d probably go and read it. And you’d likely never return. It’s quite gripping. (Maybe I’ll give you another shot later.) My story is so undramatic that it’s difficult to know how to tell it. What to mention. What to leave out. I was the good girl. I didn’t drink. I didn’t smoke. No drugs. No parties. No dates. I’ve never even touched a cigarette. My mom says that when I reached age 5 the hard parts of raising me [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, sisters, three kids, writingSeptember 19, 2009
A long post about changes in motherhood
I have spent most of the last six years in the company of babies, toddlers, preschoolers and, just recently, a kindergartner and his friends. Also, many moms of these children. These moms are around my age–within five years in most cases. Some work full time, most work part time, like me. Some have one child, some have two, a few have three. All are women who put their children first, as I do. Some are single, some are married. Some spend time exercising or writing or going to knitting clubs or book groups. Some are even able to do the [...]
Read More in exercise, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, Jen's Favorites, mind/body, motherhood, three kidsAugust 19, 2009
A Little Glimpse of the Pre-Kid Us
As I was running around trying to get myself and three kids ready for a day at the beach this morning, I heard, “Doesn’t Mommy look nice today.” The kids and I were due to meet some friends at 9 a.m. Things were not going smoothly. Then, “Haven’t seen that one in a while.” Suddenly, I wasn’t frantically trying to find Thermoses and swimmy diapers and sun hats or yelling at the kids to Get Your Swimsuits ON. I stopped. I was wearing a comfy, old sundress. One I used to wear to the beach. But it has been a [...]
Read More in history aka before kids, Jen Writes, relationshipJune 4, 2009
Thinking out loud
I have some dirty history. Some scary, dirty history. Years of my life that I’m sure I will eventually reveal. And I’m sure that it would make a lot more sense to write this after an autobiographical bit is posted, but I don’t tend to work like that – make sense and all. In short, I’ve come full circle and I stand here wondering how much we tell our kids of our past. What they need to know, what can and should be left out, what’s beneficial, what’s detrimental, what will teach a wise lesson that they’ll forever carry with [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, boys, history aka before kids, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites