Jen and I have often talked about creativity. How it is a blessing and a curse. Our daily lives consist of those daily-type things. You all know them well. They bring you up and they bring you down and then you find a way to just plateau and get them done. But creativity always seems to work itself into the day somehow. Not being creative, exactly, but having creative ideas. And no where to put them. Because there is no time for that in the daily grind, the plateau is easier than managing the ups and downs while fitting in [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, writingJanuary 6, 2012
creative lushness
November 27, 2011
holidays are here
It’s here. The season of giving. The jolly and cheer. What do you most wish for this year? What do you most wish to give?
Read More in holidays, Sarah WritesNovember 26, 2011
effort
We talk a lot about effort in this house. And attitude. Body language and doing the best you can do and supporting those around you and having good cheer. I defined “oblige” last night during a bedtime read. I’m exhausted from the conversations, to be honest. But the irony is not lost on me, oh no. If I gave up on the lesson because it got too hard or too frustrating or I felt like I was constantly running backward, what kind of example would I be? He’s only 9 and I’m daunted. It gets harder as they get older. [...]
Read More in oldest child, parenthood, Sarah WritesNovember 24, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving!
Read More in holidays, Jen Writes, Sarah Writes
November 22, 2011
little pauses
In early Autumn my son had a soccer tournament. Day 2 found me alone on the sidelines, no little boys in tow pulling my eyes away from the field and my chatter away from the relatively adult conversation that can happen between players’ parents. It was a glorious weekend. The kind of pervasive sunshine that sneaks up on you, burning the gap of skin between your hairline and your collar. The boys had played three out of their four scheduled games. During the break between games we moved our chairs into the shade, doling out Gatorade bottles, and passing high [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, writingNovember 16, 2011
new moments
There are all these new moments in my life. They come rushing in. When I least expect it. That’s what “moments” do best, right? My heart swells in the after-thought. Remembering what just occurred. Remembering, only seconds later, that he said this and I thought that and wow. Just wow. My 9-year-old is growing up. He has his own sense of humor. He’s getting to know his parents so well. How we’re quirky. How we are when we don’t have to be parenting, parenting, parenting his little brothers. How we are real people. People he might just want to spend [...]
Read More in oldest child, parenthood, Sarah WritesNovember 15, 2011
once eyes
When Dan and I were dating and we lived in Florida and life was really, quite literally, one day at a time, I overheard him talking to his Mom one day. He was sitting on the stairs in our duplex. An apartment I shared with three dudes. The stairs were carpeted and covered in dog hair from the two pit bulls who resided with us. Dan said to his mom: “A girl with the most beautiful blue eyes.” And he winked at me. And he smiled. I smiled back in a blush-y kind of way and then turned away. I [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, writingNovember 9, 2011
summer
I know it’s cliche, but where did it go? Winter is fast approaching. I bought snow boots the other day. Of course, they don’t fit and I have to take them back, but at least I was thinking about snow in advance of snow actually landing on my lap. Well, that’s not really true, I suppose, since we just experienced a freak October snowstorm and were powerless for 7 days. Can you believe there are people in CT who still do not have power? Ugh. I feel horribly for them. So I’m daydreaming about summer. Not really because I want [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 7, 2011
halvsies
Max, do you want your sandwich cut in half? No. Places sandwich on butcher block table and illustrates with large chef’s knife. In half this way? Or diagonal? I don’t want it cut. You want it whole? YES! Pause. Older brother has something to say. (Because when doesn’t he, really?): Max, I like mine cut in half. Ironically it makes me eat faster. Jamis, did you just say “ironically”? Yeah. Why? Oh, I don’t know, because you’re NINE and you used it CORRECTLY! And also, so very many things go faster when you break them in two. Go smoother when [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, siblings, three kidsNovember 6, 2011
the dark
We were without power for seven days. 7. Seven. SEVEN! When my husband texted me last night I was in disbelief. “We Have Power!!!!” And then I called him. And he was giddy. And I knew it was true. But I wasn’t surely sure about it until we drove home and I saw the streetlamp and the stoplight just a few houses from ours. 50% of our town is still without. I’m feeling a bit guilty for being one of the ones who is not currently sitting in the dark, charging phones in the car, dealing with ashes and soot, [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsOctober 11, 2011
Just Writing
I’m at the end of it all. The end of my rope. My patience. My compassion. And yet I’m not really, am I? I never really am. There’s always more to give. More to have. More to be. There’s an index card taped to a window pane in my office that reads “No More Mediocre.” And I’m really trying. Really trying very hard to inject those three words into my every day. The more that I give and have and am. There’s another quote posted on my monitor. “No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.” So while [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, writingMay 18, 2011
The New Face of Momalom
My heart wants to come back to writing in this space. So I decided what better way to motivate myself than to redesign our site! I’m having a hard time not feeling guilty about all the hours I’ve spent on quirky little style details. Hours I should be spending on any number of other tasks. Guilt can be both motivating and detrimental, don’t you think? In the end, I’ve chugged along and gotten us a good start. There will be more to come. More design, more words. But for now I just want to say one thing: Writing is a [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, writingMay 10, 2011
I Remember
I remember sleeping on my stomach, my arm in a cast and tied to the slats of the crib. I remember the dark-light red-black sky just moments before the tornado touched down. I remember bee-bop-a-loo-bop and ram-a-lama-dang in the car with my mother, playing with sounds and words and losing ourselves in song and harmony. I remember doing him and having it be done. I remember the green glass jug lamp filled with pennies. I remember imagining what it’d sound like to smash it. I remember the note he slipped under my door, folded in half, [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesApril 24, 2011
Happy Birthday, GG!
This year, GG’s birthday falls on Easter, which for me means that I’ve been spending my time cleaning the house in preparation for the Easter Bunny’s arrival instead of writing a birthday post for her, which I would have liked to do. But last year, Sarah wrote the following, and it’s one of her best. Happy Birthday, Mom! A couple of generations ago a baby girl was born. Her parents named her Gail. She grew and grew and welcomed five brothers and sisters to her tribe. Eventually, her siblings dubbed her “sister-mother” and joked that her daughterly perfection was the [...]
Read More in GG, holidays, Jen Writes, repost, Sarah WritesApril 9, 2011
what Jen said…about quiet and plans and stuff
Deeeep Breath. Life is good. It’s messy and I’m anxious and there are no plans to which we can stick on any given day because we’ve got three loud-spoken, independent kids who push us and themselves beyond where limits should be. But, in all, life is good. And? It’s actually better when messy. I have to keep reminding myself of that last part. I’ve become very fond of clean and neat and orderly. I’ve stripped our life down and don’t mind so much the empty spaces. The corners of the living room that have no purpose yet? I’m okay with [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 31, 2011
a spark
I am strong. And my body wants to move. My legs remember the pace even when my heart struggles to keep up. But time sucks it all away from me. The memory of feeling good in movement so easily faded. So easily swept up in the haze of all that I was before: inert. There was a time. A time when I found the will. And I achieved great things. And I felt great in many ways. And then as slowly as it crept up it disappeared again. And I was sucked back into time. Sure, there are hints and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 7, 2011
Be You
My little boys take turns playing with my iPhone as I try to watch the game. My biggest boy is on the field, in the goal–catching, punting, scrambling to keep the ball out of the back of the net. Each save piques my adrenaline and, I’m sure, his. How did I raise such a remarkably composed 8-year-old boy? One who has learned to walk away from both winning and losing with pride and grace. He has become a fighter despite himself, despite his inclination to fold up when things get hard. Looks like he’s shaping up to be not so [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 24, 2011
noone should ever feel alone
My big boy J is 8. For weeks he’s been hinting that he doesn’t want to sleep alone anymore. After a long, hard day last week I relented and let him sleep in my bed with his dad. I snuggled up in his twin size bed, happy for a room of my own. No dog, no husband grumbling that I stole the blankets again. No chance of little feet crawling over my head at 12 am or 3 am or 5 am. In mentioning it again to my husband the other night, in talking it through, I figured out something [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesFebruary 16, 2011
This Is My Life: Messy!
My bedroom has been a disaster for weeks. Months? It’s the last place I get to in the house. Everything ends up there. EVERY THING. I have this habit of cleaning an area and putting all of the odds and ends that don’t belong there in a bag or a box or a bin of some sort–one designated for the basement, one for the upstairs. I fill up these receptacles and relocate them to a more appropriate area, but never actually do the job of sorting the random items back to their homes. You know, the toys and books and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesFebruary 11, 2011
changes
Max woke up a two nights ago around midnight. He climbed down from the top bunk, shuffled past the vacuum cleaner just outside his bedroom, and stepped over the cord looped across the floor. He went into the bathroom and stood in front of the toilet and tried his hardest to extricate his limbs from his footie pajamas. Well, poor kid, he just couldn’t do it. He peed in his jammies. Right there in front of the potty. He soaked himself through and through. I woke up to his whimpery whines and the sound of a zipper. I had been [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 28, 2010
i’m not ready for this
On Thursday my 8-year-old’s quest to quench boredom led him to Bananagrams. He didn’t know what it was and even though my first response was something like “I don’t have the wherewithal to teach you right now,” I summoned some patience and grace and explained the rules. Yes, I give myself a pat on the back. Yes, I say NO a lot. Yes, I realize I should say YES more often. Especially to things like this. So, if you haven’t heard of Bananagrams it’s like Scrabble without the board and the points. You get to shout things like Split and [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, sex, three kidsNovember 27, 2010
Unintentional Makeover
We arrived home late this morning from my mama’s house. After a couple of glorious days doing nothing but lounging and eating, eating and lounging, I had decided on the ride home that I would finally repaint the living room. We’ve lived in this house for 2.5 years and nearly every room has been painted except the one in which we spend the most time as a family. I never hung pictures on the walls because I always intended to paint. The weeks turned to months turned to years and now here we are, living out of a room that [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 23, 2010
clarity-chaos
There are so many words in my head right now but it is too late to make sense of any of them. So, all I am going to say is this: Read Elizabeth’s Disclaimer. Go now. It is brilliant and beautiful and honest and real. So, so real. Maybe I’ll have something more Sarah for you tomorrow. Maybe if I disciplined myself to write at 8 am instead of 8 pm I could figure out which words to put down on the page to explain how I’m feeling right now, or what I’m thinking. Unfortunately, the hours between 4 and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 21, 2010
waking up slowly
I don’t want to be awake, I think. I don’t want to roll out of bed. It’s so warm in here, so cold out there. The weight of the blankets fills in all the gaps that already are starting to form. The gaps in my day. The things I’ll forget to do. The things I’ll wish I had done. The things I’ve intended to do, but couldn’t get to. Yeah, those gaps. But also the gaps in my heart where a small part of me wishes that the children weren’t here. That I could rouse myself slowly, like the sun, [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 19, 2010
This is my life: Screaming
My children bring out the worst in me as often as they bring out the best in me. I screamed so loud tonight that my throat hurts. And, although I’m sick to my stomach with guilt and sadness and fear that there really isn’t any other way to get them to listen and follow my directions, I also believe I’m not alone in unleashing my inner demon. As I said to my best friend today, I have finally come to a point in my life where I can say with some certainty that most people have the same struggles as [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 17, 2010
sometimes control isn’t such a bad word
don’t let your pain determine your actions. rise above it don’t let your frustration don’t let your desire determine your actions rise above it take back control ********** I’m trying really really hard to live by these words. In my role as mother, yes. But also in my role as mere human. How difficult it is to not allow our frustrations with ourselves and others determine how hard we fight or how quickly we retreat in the face of life’s challenges. How difficult it is to put aside our wishes and wants and do what is right and just and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 14, 2010
Our baby days are almost over
Okay, they’re not almost over. They’re over. I’m a little weepy. It’s true. (Will there be one more? Nobody knows.) But instead of calling them babies, now I just call them beautiful boys. My boys. My brood. And we’ve got many more days ahead. There’s a place where boyhood begins–with sticks and mud and hitting your brothers–but I’m not sure it ever ends. So there’s always that to think of when I get sad for chubby feet and soft knees: raising an eternity of adventurous boys.
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 12, 2010
Inspire
Inspire them to be more than they ever think they can be Without wishing them to be perfect Without wasting time on their mistakes Without speaking lectures to deaf ears Inspire them to understand that love is all that matters over time that hope is lubricant for worry that voices are meant to sing that nothing ever takes their place These children, your lifeblood, your gift *** Six Word Fridays with Making Things Up
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 10, 2010
the details
UPS showed up. Stella barked. Jamis came home from school a mere three minutes later. Stella barked again. The result, of course, was two packages, a chatty 8-year-old, and a 3-year-old woken from his nap too soon. I heard the rumbling sounds of a rousing toddler and then the creak of the door opening wide. There was a pause, just long enough for me to wonder if I’d imagined the sounds from the second floor, but then he appeared. With blankie and doggie clutched tight, Max thumped down the stairs on his tush, one step at a time. He sat [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 8, 2010
Life is kicking my ass
Life is kicking my ass. The list of shit I have to accomplish grows longer and longer. The daily chores keep adding up. Crap I should have done yesterday mingles with crap I have to do today pushes up against crap I’m worried getting done tomorrow. I’m juggling too many balls and there’s not enough air to keep them all floating. Gravity is working against me. I cannot see the sky for all the bullet points on my list filling the space in my head, blinding my eyes, sweeping the sun from view. I cannot THINK. I cannot think CLEARLY. [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 4, 2010
Autumnal !!!
I watch my children bounce they fall through leaves I join them and we all fall hard • I give in to their joy knowing that it is contagious and without them I wouldn’t have such love in my heart The days are short, now Now that I’ve shifted my priorities Now that I’ve realigned my heart Now that I know all I want is them and that everything else will come with time because some day though there will be more of them to love there will be less time with them to show it They wrestle and tackle [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesNovember 2, 2010
drifting
I’m laying on the couch reading a book. My body shakes with dry tears at the last paragraph of Chapter Nineteen: a mother/daughter embrace wrapped up with the meaning of family and gratitude. My skin is cold. My arms a little too cold sticking out of this skimpy pale pink tank top. In between page flips I think I ought to find a blanket, but I don’t. I don’t want to get up from my book. I don’t want to break the silence I am steadily forcing into my day. The peace I so desperately need. The words of this [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesOctober 27, 2010
kind of a big deal — to me, at least
Max wanted to cuddle last night actually, he really just wanted to postpone bedtime but he did have a fever so I guess he was justified in his request :) justified? geez, he’s a kid, three years old, and he wanted to cuddle he’s doesn’t need to be justified yeah, that’s exactly what I thought after I rolled my eyes so I took a break from the room for about 5 minutes to give him time to settle and then I returned and I cuddled and he squirmed it wasn’t all mushy mushy like you’d think I was on the [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesOctober 14, 2010
Ordinary Stories
Monday night I took my husband out for a big, happy birthday dinner. He had a hunk of meat. We shared a Caesar salad and creamed spinach, delicately sliced potatoes slathered with cheese and topped with chives. We shared conversation about jobs, friends, kids, age, and all things home. It seemed to go on forever. In a good way. I have this habit of chatting with the waitstaff when we are out to eat. Bartenders, usually, as they tend to have more time to chat and conversation is part of their job requirement. I should know. I was one once. [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesOctober 5, 2010
just a piece of this journey
I’m starting to take this mothering thing a little more seriously. Not sure where I’ve been for the last 2-3 years. In a haze. A really big bubble of a haze. I attest it to having Max and Ethan a mere 15 months apart. And moving into a new house. And focusing on the new business that supports our family. And, well, just surviving. Which we have. We’ve survived. We’ve done okay. I’ve done okay. But it ends there. I’ve been just doing okay for a little too long now. Pushing meals out of my kitchen that no kid should [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesOctober 2, 2010
broken bone, open heart
Wednesday night I poured myself a bowl of Special K for dinner–elegant, I know. I glanced out the window of the kitchen. I cut a bagel and put it in the toaster. I poured soy milk in the bowl. There was a scream from the trampoline. I put the milk away. There was another scream. I know it sounds strange but it wasn’t the strong, steady scream that usually comes from my kids. It was on and off, up and down, and it made my ears perk up even more than usual. I walked outside with my bowl of cereal, [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesSeptember 27, 2010
You don’t need a title to tell you what you believe (but it sure does seem to make things easier)
On Friday I sent a text message to a dear friend: Taking a personality quiz about my religious and spiritual beliefs. To give me an idea of what I believe. The questions are hard, yo. And she wrote: Ha. You really need someone else to tell you what you believe? I had to think about that for a moment. Is it ridiculous that I’m turning outward for answers? Answers that are obviously only found within? No. But I need to be asked these questions, I think. Might help me figure some shit out. The one who knows exactly what she [...]
Read More in repost, Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 22, 2010
boys with sticks
I’ve been so fuzzy lately. Brilliant thoughts swarming through my head but my hands helpless to reach out and grab them. I often think I need to find a place of peace. A temple to call my own. A community to join. The discipline to sit and meditate. The fortitude to find my way onto the path and stop stumbling at the edge. Life is blistering. Imperfect. Surreal. It gets me down. Trips me up. Makes me cry. Confuses me. Distracts me. Life. *** But then I see this and know that even if I’m stumbling, they are Right as [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesSeptember 8, 2010
I lost my internal compass again
It’s happening. That summer ending thing. That school starting thing. Those new beginnings. Time presses on and I stumble to catch up. Every season. I’m looking through pictures of my boys. Of summer. I’m nostalgic before a season has even completely passed. How can this be? The pictures arm me with goodness and light. They shower me with feelings of happiness and erase that sinking feeling of guilt that I am failing them, that I don’t enjoy them enough, that I’m not appreciating how quickly it all passes. I’m stuck in between the seasons. The sun still beating down and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesSeptember 2, 2010
I never get flowers
I’m not sure if she planned to send me flowers once her site was complete, but she did. The doorbell rings and the dog barks and I look out the glass door at a scruffy dude holding a small, green vase of brilliantly colored flowers. I assume he has the wrong house. “You got the wrong house,” I say. He scrutinizes a crumpled piece of paper and says, “Number 48?” I nod. I look puzzled. He plucks the card from it’s spiky, plastic holder. I open the seal and read the words. I nod again. I sign. I go inside. [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesSeptember 1, 2010
Go Visit Christine
Please go visit my lovely friend Christine over at Coffees and Commutes! We launched her new site today and I am happy to have given her a fresh new space to call home. I’ve had the privilege of meeting and spending some time with Christine and I can honestly say that she has a heart filled with love, and words that are just waiting to reach out and grab us. It has been an honor working with her to create this new site. We have a few things to finish up but we were excited to go live with the [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesAugust 31, 2010
not sure what you call this–an update? talking it out?
I’ll be honest. I have a lot to say when I’m standing in the shower or driving in the car. Even, if you can imagine, while reading a Buzz Lightyear book to the little boys before bed–snuggled in between them, hunkered down on the bottom bunk, Ethan wedged into the space between the mattress and the wall, Max clutching his favorite blue blankie. My eyes see the words, my lips read the words, but I don’t hear the story. I hear my own thoughts. They tumble around and they are good. But the story ends and so with it my [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesAugust 19, 2010
freedom under open skies !!!
Intentional Happiness Cape Cod Vacation Edition Sand worn by time and waves, so soft. Running into the blue, blue sky, fueled by sun and laughter. !!! Finding his sea legs, leaving the comfort of my lap. !!! Washing the sand away in an outdoor shower under an open sky. !!! Finding a heart-shaped rock, oh my boy, oh my heart. !!! please excuse the lack of !!! icons this week–it seems I need a bathing suit with pockets! What makes you • !!! = Intentional Happiness Check out more !!! at Bad Mommy Moments, and link up below. We’ll check [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesAugust 16, 2010
on the airplane: leaving and coming home again
She lays her head on the hard metal armrest, feels her back pulled and pushed in ways that are nowhere near comfortable. Her spine is wrapped around the bump between the seats. She cups her hands and rubs her face and tries to wash away this angst she feels. The coming and going in her life. Excitedly leaving the children and their messes behind. Anxiously anticipating her return to it all. To the comfort they bring her. To the comfort of knowing exactly who she is when she is at home, with them, with their messes. She closes her eyes [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesAugust 9, 2010
enough
what i want to write is this: I AM ENOUGH but this is how i feel: i’m afraid i’ll never write another decent stream of words in my life i’m afraid i’ll never be able to hang on to the feeling of calm that a kickass conversation with a close friend brings i’m afraid i’ll get lost in the dirty, boring details–the laundry, the bills, the organizing, scheduling, remembering of life i’m afraid i’ll lose track of where i am and where i wanted to be and all that will remain is a washed-up woman with three children and a [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsAugust 5, 2010
10 things I really can’t come to terms with
10. My body image 9. My children fighting 8. The 3-foot radius of pee around the toilet 7. Grocery shopping–how I loathe thee 6. The fact that our dog is in HEAT–ew! 5. Having zero time to wake.up.alone and adjust to the day and sip my coffee and take a deep breath UNLESS I get up before the kids at 5 am. But then how would I get in the me-time the night before, when I stay up too late cause I don’t want to go to bed cause I don’t want the day to start all over again with [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJuly 29, 2010
!!!
I cleaned all the doodads off of the bookcase in the living room. The new order gives me room to appreciate not only the books lining the shelves, but the pictures that tell the stories of my life. Especially the one of me at age 5 carving a pumpkin. !!! I swirled through the house like a tornado cleaning up doodads in every room. As I was on my hands in knees in the little boys’ room collecting styrofoam letters and numbers, I reached up to wipe my very sweaty brow and there stood Dan, margarita in hand. Hello, lovely. [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJuly 28, 2010
making order, making peace
i made the bed this morning. i smoothed the sheets. i laid the blanket down. i folded the throw. i placed the pillows. the order was dreamy. my mind felt clear. i forgot about time pressing upon me. to get dressed. to dress the kids. to get shoes and jackets on. bags of friends and blankies in the car. do the drop off. get to work. i wish these moments lasted longer.
Read More in Sarah WritesJuly 26, 2010
move a little closer, would you?
Yesterday we spent the day together. It was bliss. You, me, and 6 kids under 8. 2 pools and 2 noodles and 2 life vests. 2 mommies holding everyone up in the water, watching our kids paddle away, make big waves, jump freely and fearlessly off of the edge. It allowed us to also jump freely off of the edge, that place that makes you pull your hair out, raise your voice more than you’d like, cry a little in the bathroom, stare blankly out the kitchen window while you wash another dish. We knew that our day was filled [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, sisters, three kids, three kids (six kids)July 15, 2010
Partners in crime: when real life and blog life collide
Last Friday I packed my bags and got on a teeny, tiny little plane headed for DC. I listened to music, wrote in my journal and sipped an ice cold Coke. Before I knew it, I was there, and awaiting the moment I’d finally get to meet my !!! partner in crime. Although she first whizzed right by me at the airport arrivals terminal, CK made another loop and eventually cruised on up to the curb. I gave her a huge hug, jumped in the passenger seat, and started chatting with her girls for the remainder of the car ride. [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJuly 12, 2010
The sweetness of coming home
Don’t forget to hug them while I’m gone, I said two days earlier. I pulled in the driveway and hustled my things together in the front seat. The shoes I’d kicked off in favor of driving barefoot. The earbuds that provided me two insatiable hours of audiobook fun. My phone, a half-drunk bottle of Coca-Cola, my purse, my wallet, an empty bag of Sun Chips. I grabbed my suitcase from the backseat and glided to the front door. I was already in quiet mode from the drive home and knocked very gently three or four times when I discovered the [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJuly 8, 2010
i said intentional, dammit
Hello, it’s summer. !!! anyone? Let’s start today out with a BANG, shall we?! Whammo: Need I say more? !!! Ice cream makes me thirsty. I’m not it’s biggest fan. So you know it’s intentional happiness when I take the kids out for Ben and Jerry’s at 7:00 on a Friday night. Let’s forget about the fact that I called Jen and was inspired by her own happy ice cream trip with the kids, that my husband was working late again and just about anything sounded better than wrangling the kids to bed by myself, and that it was Fourth [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJuly 5, 2010
green sweatshirt
I folded laundry last night and picked up the green, hooded sweatshirt the one that zips up the front, isn’t too cushy, and has highlighted both the blue and brown eyes of my two youngest boys I think it’s days are numbered this favorite piece of clothing and yet I am not ready to pack it away in the attic graveyard Then I remembered all the times yesterday I said something like this “It’ll be easier when they are all older. When they are all 5 and up.” I’m pushing and pulling at time all at once thinking of time [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJuly 1, 2010
!!! is all around us
INTENTIONAL HAPPINESS Unearthing a box of meticulously folded notes from Junior High? !!! Reading them? Equal parts !!! and ??? to be sure. Will keep you posted; I’ve yet to dive in. Finding a copy of Entertainment Magazine tucked under the treadmill to my left as I cooled down after a quick five miles. More confirmation that I have to read the book that’s been an integral part of the !!! this week for a certain someone I know and love. Looking at this photograph when I need a little pickmeup. Oh, and that’s my MAMA, wearing a motorcycle helmet, [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJune 24, 2010
Summertime !!!
We joined a pool !!! It’s 10 minutes away !!! And all of this came with it…get ready (don’t you just love people’s inane lists?)… 8 tennis courts, 2 ping-pong tables, tetherball, shuffleboard (!), four square, basketball, volleyball, a ginormous waterslide, a baby pool, a playground built on SAND with buckets and shovels and watering cans ALREADY THERE to play with so you don’t have to REMEMBER not to FORGET your own… PLUS? A super-awesome concession-y food area that serves food that I actually don’t mind eating. Hummus and pita platter with fresh veggies? Yes, thank you. Spinach salad with [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesHappiness comes and goes. I find myself drifting between its drops. One moment feeling the warmth and comfort of its embrace, the next believing I’ll be stuck in a shady place for the rest of my days. In the midst of an anger running so deep I nearly could not contain it, I decided to take an impromptu trip to the beach on Saturday night. We didn’t get there until about 7:00 pm. And showed up without swimsuits or towels or buckets with shovels. We just showed up. We kicked off our shoes. And my boys ran, laughed and played. [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJune 16, 2010
Life is a Carousel
I have to stop trying to figure out how to slow it down or make it stop And simply cherish the ride even if I get dizzy more than I’d like
Read More in Sarah WritesJune 10, 2010
!!!
(Things that made me happy this week) Remember the dog that eats the food off my floor so I don’t really have to clean? Yup. Still happy about that. • 2YO insisting he drink his yogurt through the straw of his cereal bowl. 7YO grabbing a marker and a scrap of paper to draw a !!! because I was laughing so hard. Laughing = me happy = my kid happy = !!! Simple as that. • Oh, I hope you can see the detail on this one. You might want to click on the picture for an enlargement. 7YO says [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesJune 8, 2010
Mid-Disaster
Max throws a cup at me and screams “I want juice!” Ethan climbs onto the kitchen counter and stands on his tippy toes, rummaging through the snack bin. Jamis says, “Mom, Mom, did you hear me?” for the third time. And then, “I asked you three times.” Excuse me, I think to myself, doesn’t that make for six requests? For the same thing? The phone rings. I answer it. It’s my husband on the line. He needs something, too. I pull Ethan off the counter and walk out of the kitchen, down the hall, trying to find some quiet to [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesJune 4, 2010
!!!
Last night I wanted to give up. Crawl under the covers and let my mind fall away. The boys pushed every last nerve. Literally. I wrote this on the whiteboard in our office: Apparently I made sure to date it so that I could remember the exact moment I was about to lose it. (Good thing it’s erasable and I didn’t carve it into the bedroom doors, my forehead or worse, my kids’ backsides? I’m sure I’d regret that.) I’m amazed I didn’t put a time-stamp on it, too. If I had to guess, it was probably between 6:00 and [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah Writes, three kidsJune 2, 2010
Five for Ten: Outstanding Contributions
I know, I know, Five for Ten is officially over, done, vamoose! However, Jen and I really wanted to acknowledge a post from each category that deeply moved us. Maybe tomorrow I’ll get my writing wheels back, but for now, go check out these fine writers and the posts that knocked our socks off. Courage: Whereever Launa Goes–Bon Courage Happiness: Being Rudri–The Pendulum Memory: Two Job Mama–Only the Good Parts. Mostly. Lust: The Miller Mix–Three Lovers Yes: Eva Evolving–Inching Toward Yes
Read More in Sarah WritesMay 28, 2010
!!!
(Things that made me happy this week) • Giving in to popsicle demands to quiet the beasts at 5:57 am • Unearthing $10 and a Starbucks card from a pile of doodads teetering on my bookshelf I’m pretty sure the beverage I purchase with that gift card will warrant another !!! moment • Perfect Curls • An hour of peace, quiet and foot beautification. Taking the extra time to shave my legs for the occasion was a double bonus. • Handing Ethan a bowl of yogurt and watching him walk to the back stoop and enjoy it all alone. Because [...]
Read More in !!!, Sarah WritesMay 20, 2010
The Top Ten Reasons I’m Done (so stop asking)
When CK said Hey, you guys want a day to catch up on Five for Ten stuff? I said, Hell, Yeah. And not only because I need a day off, but because Bad Mommy Moments is badass. Equal parts snark and sentiment, CK spins a tale like nobody’s business. Today she’s here to make you laugh. And me laugh…because I’m not sure if I am done. But after I read this, I concluded I was downright crazy for not getting on board with the Top Ten. Without further ado… The Top Ten Reasons I’m Done (so stop asking) I don’t [...]
Read More in guest post, Sarah Writes, three kidsMay 19, 2010
YES to YOU
YES to new friends. Connections and Voices YES to letting go and reaching out and diving in YES to pushing and stretching and finding your words and sharing them here with us I am in awe. I am absolutely amazed. I am dancing in my tragically unhip shoes over here, starting to get back a little bit of that spanky and delicious, and all because of you. YES, you. Out there. The ones who have come here to read and write for 10 days. How did you do it? Aren’t you tired? A little tired of Momalom? A little tired [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsMay 17, 2010
Lust for Lust
I have it. Oh, how I have it. Lust for lust. The want…to want. I’m not talking about lust for a quiet home, an easy dinner, a book, a bath, a pedicure. I’m talking about pure, hot, pounding lust. The fire that starts in your chest, quickens your breath, and moves to your thighs–making every limb tingle, bringing every cell to life. I want that. I want it back. If I squint really hard I can see through the haze of these cluttered, chaotic days. An image of this girl in a bikini pops up. I know she’s not a [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, sexMay 15, 2010
Accepting Memory
I am standing in the shower. A mosaic of pea green tile under my feet. The sun of a hot, Florida day streaming in through the glass-blocked window beside me. Water streams down upon a body I have worked hard to win back after birthing my first child. In a matter of minutes I am flooded with memories I would rather forget. Guilt, shame, and loss swell my heart and the bucket tips over. Tears pour from me nearly as fast as the water from the showerhead. I push back at the memories. I want to grab them with both [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMay 13, 2010
The !!! of My Life
I have written and rewritten my About page several times. For many months now it has stood mostly blank. I find it to be an incredibly difficult and daunting task. And this is just a blog. Not the dust jacket on a new novel. Not a bio in a magazine. Not a profile for Match.com. Just a blog. The irony of it all is that I am able to share intensely personal things in my posts, but when it comes to my About page, I clam up. I can’t figure out how to distill myself into one or two cute [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsMay 10, 2010
The Sidelines
The sun beats down on me as I sit on the sidelines. The vastness of the bright green playing field is filled in with players wearing blue and white jerseys, three stripes down the side of their shorts and across the tops of their socks. The ball pops here and there, in and out of bounds, over heads, into goals, and through the breeze that pushes tears around my face. I pull my hat further down and shift in the taupe spectator chair. I swirl the ice in my coffee and kick off my shoes. I have shut down. My [...]
Read More in motherhood, oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsMay 3, 2010
Moving into Motherhood: Revisited
As we’re gearing up for Five for Ten, we’ve decided to repost some oldies this week. Need a refresher on Five for Ten? Just go hang out in the sidebar over there. You can find the rules and our topics and even link up! We’ll see you back here on the 10th, all fresh and new! ****************** Newly Mothering (originally posted on August 5, 2009) Yup, I’m on Facebook. Who isn’t? It’s kind of like Twitter…and sex…I go through phases. This week I am happy to announce that I’ve reconnected with an old high school friend. We’ve been Facebook “friends” [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesMay 1, 2010
Five for Ten Again: TOPICS!!!
May 10 & 11 — Courage May 12 & 13 — Happiness May 14 & 15 — Memory May 16 & 17 — Lust May 18 & 19 — Yes The topics are broad. General. You can tweak them however you want. They can be funny, introspective, academic, vulnerable. Whatever you wish. Be creative. Be daring. But most of all, be yourself. Two things of note: The last topic, Yes, is in honor of Aidan Donnelley Rowley’s debut novel, Life After Yes, which hits bookshelves on May 18th. The timing couldn’t be more perfect, right? I’m excited to read it. [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsI’m cackling over here. I know, I know, it’s my family, so it’s a whole lot funnier to me (and Jen and Geege, I hope). But really? Let’s take a peek at some details. Like Jen’s vivacious skirt, worn with thick tights and sneakers. And how about GG? Those glasses are funkalicious. She’s one hot tamale. And those sandals? I think she wore that style for about 12 years–going through a few pairs until she finally moved on to…hmm. Mom? What did you move on to after those leather criss-cross thongy things? I’m just little and cute, so we can [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 28, 2010
Five for Ten Again: Rules and Regulations
We’ve been bombarded with enthusiasm (and a few questions) since we announced the return of Five for Ten last week. So let’s go over the details, shall we? Five for Ten will run from Monday, May 10 to Wednesday, May 19 Jen or I will post each day during the 10 days You, dear reader, are asked to visit Momalom each day and leave a comment We, in return, will visit your blog and leave you a comment OK, is it getting clearer? Pretty simple, right? We give you five minutes (well, more like 10 or 15) if you give [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 27, 2010
Dishing out the Five for Ten details
Has anyone noticed the recent influx of baby pictures? Man, I’m wistful for the early days. This is my first little guy, Jamis, back when every moment was cute. We lived in Florida. Life was simple. What the heck happened? And…can I ever get a glimpse of that again? Just for a day? *** We’ll be serving up some details on Five for Ten tomorrow! Please be sure to stop by. Grab the button code from our sidebar while you’re here, and plaster it on your site, in a post, or on your forehead. Whatever suits you. We are excited [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 24, 2010
Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday, GG!
A couple of generations ago a baby girl was born. Her parents named her Gail. She grew and grew and welcomed five brothers and sisters to her tribe. Eventually, her siblings dubbed her “sister-mother” and joked that her daughterly perfection was the reason for their very existence. Gail went off to college to study art. She sunbathed on rooftops and drank beer with her classmates. She met a red-haired boy in a college bar and fell in love. They wrote letters to one another and addressed them to various rooms in their apartment: “Dear Gail, in the kitchen, from John, [...]
Read More in GG, Sarah WritesApril 21, 2010
It’s going by too fast
Somebody slow it down. Please. It’s going by much too fast. My life. And theirs. Can we just slow it down? Stop it, even. *** To think, I couldn’t wait for this little boy to grow up. But now I’m done with growing. I want it to end. Because this boy face is too old now. This boy body too big. And his rhythm is now independent of me. His rhythm is all his own. It, and time, march on. While I wince at just trying to keep up. *** It’s going by too fast. It’s what everyone says. We [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 19, 2010
Five for Ten Again!
Yay! Five for Ten is coming back, baby! And this time, with a spin and a twist and a turn and…you get the point, right? So, are you new to Five for Ten? Well, back in November, 2009, Jen and I had this wild idea to commit to ten days of getting to know our readers a bit better. You can educate yourselves on the logistics of the whole affair here. And you can browse all the Five for Ten posts here. What you are really going to be most interested in–if you choose to browse the posts–is the comments [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesApril 15, 2010
On being present and how it’s often the hardest thing to do not WHEN you’re a mother but BECAUSE of it
Just a thought (and then I’m sure Jen will post something a little more put-together later on): I sometimes wish there weren’t such an emphasis on being present. I feel an enormous amount of pressure to enjoy the moments with my kids. And so often I feel like it’s just impossible. Not because of me, but because of the management of life. It is gorgeous outside right now. The sun is shining its late-afternoon glow. The boys are alternating between snacking and drinking and bouncing on the trampoline. They wander in and out of the house looking for me, needing [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesApril 13, 2010
When your birthday is about way more than your birth day
The little lips that blew out my candles The little hands that dug into my cake Happy faces Yummy tummies And I know for certain that all I need is their love Their sweet and pudgy love wrapped around me always My birthday was a celebration for my kids and that’s exactly the way it should be now *************** Are you on Facebook? Show Momalom some love and become a fan!
Read More in Sarah WritesApril 9, 2010
What’s In My Bag
Miss Liz from But Then I Had Kids tagged me and Jen for the fun little meme that’s been going around. I was a bit ashamed to put up a picture of the old bag I had slung over my shoulder. It was a sad, sad thing. But Spring has sprung and my birthday is days away, so I treated myself to a cute new bag with matching wristlet. Goodbye brown suede bag! Our days are officially over. I will not pull you out of the closet for a “change of scenery.” You are no longer welcome in my world [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 8, 2010
Today, you can
Yesterday was hard. Hard hard hard. The kind of hard that is actually pretty simple, but you feel tested every second of the day anyway. Like someone is asking you if you can handle it. The mundane. Another nap time. Another meal time. Another cross-your-fingers-that-the-tv-works time. Ethan woke up at 1 am on Tuesday night — or is it Wednesday morning? — and never went back to sleep. So every little bitty thing about the day was hard just hard the exhaustion was real my heart was lost left in the bed where my sleep was robbed of me I [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 7, 2010
Top Tips: A Sampling
There are things we all wished we’d known before we had kids. Things we wish other mothers had told us about. Things beyond “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Things like, sometimes squeezing in a shower is an accomplishment more satisfying than your greatest professional achievement. So, we’ve decided to offer up some tips of our own. A brief glimpse at the many things we’ve learned since becoming moms–in most cases since becoming moms of three. Here’s what we have for you this time, in no particular order at all: 1. Say Yes to your kids as often as you can. [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 5, 2010
A Heroic Quest
Required Reading >> There are few things you must know Yesterday I was feeling lost. Oh so very, very lost. I could not figure out what to do with myself. And so, with coffee cup in hand, I started perusing my bookshelves for words of meaning and purpose. A favorite of mine sat perched near the edge on its side, left there for easy access. I ruffled through and read several passages of The Parent’s Tao Te Ching, but came back time and time again to one, in particular. So I decided to share it here on the blog. Today [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 4, 2010
There are few things you must know
There are few things you must know to become a wise parent. You must know that you are going to die, for then you will be able to truly live. You must know when you have enough, for then you will be content. You must know how to laugh, for then you will find healing. There are many things you need not know. You need not know everything your children think or do. You need not know their secret dreams and hopes. You need not know how life will unfold for them, or for yourself. ** Live your own life, [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesApril 1, 2010
If you were a bumper sticker, what would you say?
I’m not a bumper sticker kind of girl. And it’s actually kind of troubling. I know. Bumper Stickers. Silly, really. Stop looking into things so deeply, you say? Yeah, bad habit. It’s okay, I’m used to it. And besides, it doesn’t always turn out so bad. Yesterday I drove Jamis down a suburban, tree-lined street on the way home from school. Runners on either side of us, bicycles whizzing by. A grey Honda Odyssey was ahead of us with 26.2 wrapped in an oval and stuck to the rear. It was the only sticker on the body of the vehicle. [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 29, 2010
the rainbows of my life
play me [Audio clip: view full post to listen] a rainbow bridges over my life i see myself beneath it i stand tall in the middle looking up and back and forth side to side the smile of my first-born son at one end the beginning of it all this life my existence my motherhood my heart pulled and pushed and twisted torn tattered tattooed i heave and sigh. so many thoughts and emotions. so much to do. even more to feel. i breathe quick and slow. heavy and hard. sometimes i forget i am breathing at all. and think [...]
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Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 27, 2010
Mommy has a tattoo
I have a tattoo. Here’s a little visual for you. A photograph taken on my wedding day. In my white dress. In front of a lighthouse altar. My arm gently folded around my man’s broad hand. It was a sunny Cape Cod day full of promise, and new beginnings. Despite life’s fresh starts, we all are branded by the past. I am branded. This tattoo is the most obvious of examples. I cannot hide it. I cannot remove it. It drops beneath shirt sleeves, and peeks through pale, woven sweaters. It is boldly displayed in a tank top or (gasp!) [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesMarch 23, 2010
The Mommy Contest
We could also have titled this “Why We Think Moms Should Give Up a Little Control” but, that just doesn’t sound as catchy, does it? So, The Mommy Contest We don’t want to win the mommy contest You know the one The one where you have to be the smartest the calmest the one with the superhero costume in her purse the healthy snacks and the right answers to everything We spend so much time thinking and talking about what it is to be a mother Because the judgments come from every direction There are no clear answers anywhere And [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 22, 2010
The evolution of parenting three kids
A very wise reader named Cathy recently emailed me during my dealings with a certain little liar we know. Cathy is a mom to three boys, like me, and had this to say about having three kids: Parenting my first is an experiment; I practice with my second; the third just seems natural. This sentence caught in my throat as I read it. It cleared the skies and lifted me up. It absolutely defines life with my three boys. Jamis gets the brunt of me. The crispy edges of my parenthood. The raw material, not yet performed. Everything with Max [...]
Read More in Favorites, Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 16, 2010
Liar Update: The Harvest
If you are new to the Liar Mini-Series you can catch up here: Part I – Need Some Advice Part II – Planting The Seed Part III – Cultivation Okay, so I was going to title this “Liar Conclusion,” but for some leeeetle reason, I don’t seem to think this will be the last time I’m dealing in lies and punishment. And let’s totally put aside the fact that there will be two other boys someday learning Mommy’s Big Lesson. By all accounts, many of you had it right when you proclaimed Jamis one smooth criminal. He’s smart and sweet [...]
Read More in oldest child, Sarah WritesMarch 13, 2010
Liar Update: Cultivation
I know, I know, this Liar Series is turning into quite a to-do. But here’s the truth: I need to write about this. I need to write about it here on the blog. I need your comments, insight and perspective. I am not shy one bit when it comes to telling you that my life is chaotic, I don’t know what the hell I am doing, and I love to hear suggestions and advice from others because, did you hear me, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING AND I’M NOT GOING TO PRETEND THAT I DO. So, today’s update. I’m [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 12, 2010
Liar Update: Planting a Seed
I love the comments here. I love the community. I love that I can ask for advice and you all deliver. If you have no idea what I am talking about, you can catch up by reading yesterday’s post about my 7-year-old liar. I picked up the kids yesterday afternoon and proceeded with the day as usual. I wanted the conversation with my little liar to be one-on-one and uninterrupted, which meant postponing it until the little boys were in bed. However, I still intended to arm myself with some facts. While Jamis was doing homework in the living room, [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 11, 2010
Need some advice
Okay, friends. Today’s post is not about pretty writing and aha! moments. I need some advice. Here are the details: On Monday afternoon I took the boys to the grocery store. There was a sale on Crayola products in the aisle of the frozen foods section. Go figure. In an effort to quiet the beasts, I tossed three items in the cart: some crayons, markers and colored pencils. Upon leaving the store my 7-year-old, Jamis, made a weak and false attempt at helping me load the groceries into the car. It was all so that he could just find and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 9, 2010
Make You Smile
Yesterday was a rough day. Today I want to wake up with a smile. There are a few more people I know who also deserve another reason to lift the corners of their lips. Happy Birthday to Becca! I wish you nothing but sugary sweetness on your special day, girl. To Wolfie! For your wit, charm and whimsy. I’ve got thimbles on for you today, BLW. And to Kitch. (sigh) You’re in my soul, sister. Play Me and Be Happy Because sometimes it really is that simple. [Audio clip: view full post to listen] (note: if you click anywhere, that [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 6, 2010
Spring Again
I am ready for Spring. I am ready for fresh and new and change and glee. Grass that greens under the soft, bare feet of my three boys. Sprinklers to chill us on the warm days and mist us on the hot ones. I am ready for bouncing through the air as if swept up with the breeze. I am ready to be unleashed. Unlocked. There are glimpses of it here and there in our mixed up, messy New England weather. And there are glimpses of the freedom that warmth and sunshine bring: walks to the playground that don’t require [...]
Read More in mind/body, Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 3, 2010
MomalomDesigns
I’m sorry for the recent distance between us. And the fact that I haven’t even had the decency to return an email or swing by your blogs and leave a comment on the brilliant posts that you have labored over. The thing is, I’ve been entertaining another one of my passions: Design. Instead of taking the time to do a revamp of Momalom, I’ve kicked it up a notch and been spending time with another blog. That’s right, CK is the proud owner of a newly designed blog courtesy of patience, hard work and too many late nights (for the [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesFebruary 28, 2010
No, I’m not pregnant
I ran 7 miles on Saturday. (Collective cheer!) And then I came home and disrobed and stood in front of the mirror. (Collective sigh.) I stared head-on at my figure as the steam billowed from the shower. What a downer. I pulled and pushed at my body. I bent down and took notice of how things hang. I glared. It’s not pretty. And neither am I. Or at least, I feel far from it. I stepped on the scale. (Secondary sigh.) I’m pretty sure the current number represents one too many days of treating myself, or easing myself. It’s also [...]
Read More in body image, exercise, mind/body, Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 25, 2010
This is my life: My boys, My heart
Little boys are little boys are little boys are…cute. Want-to-eat-you-up cute. Want-to-bury-you-in-the-couch-cushions cute. Want-to-make-a-fort-and-hide-in-it-with-you-forever cute. My boys are rough and tumble. My boys are sweet. My boys are unafraid and loud, quirky and energetic. They are all mine, and I am nothing but lucky. And when I think I’m missing out on something by being a mama of all boys, only boys, boys-all-the-time boys, not-a-pink-dress-in-sight boys, I can look at these photos and sweetly smile and say, “Yeah, this is my life. And it’s a great, great life.” Look at my little George Washington in the bottom right-hand corner. Oh [...]
Read More in boys, Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 24, 2010
Momento
My mama’s got an iPhone and loves to browse the App Store, otherwise known as the nifty little place where all things you can imagine are made possible for the iPhone. Games, Stock Tips, Calorie Counters, my handy dandy Google Reader. We send each other little tips on Apps we think are fun or cool or handy. The last App she recommended to me is called Momento. It’s like a daily journal where you can record little thoughts and pictures and choose to share them with others, if you like. I haven’t shared my scrambled words with anyone yet–nope, not [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesFebruary 19, 2010
Consequences and Punishments
What are you doing? Nothing, he says. What’s in your mouth? Nothing, he says. Open it. (He opens it. Can’t see anything. Candy must be hidden inside his cheek.) Were you in the bathroom? No, he says. Were you in the pantry getting candy without asking? No, he says. Then what were you doing? I was walking around and reading, he says. (I have mandated an hour of peace in my house. The little boys are napping. It’s been a busy on-the-go morning and I’m reclining on the couch, laptop perched, dog’s head rested on my legs. I don’t want [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 17, 2010
This is my life: Food Before Blog
Although I am tinkering with about 12 different posts right now–both on-screen and in-mind–I thought I’d send out a little something to whet your whistle. Reason No. 29 why I haven’t written a new blog post in nearly a week: I went away for the weekend and left my kids in the hands of Fabulous-Babysitter-Kelsey and Rockin’-Mama-Geege. You want to know what else I left in their hands? Bio-hazardous waste masquerading as edibles in my refrigerator. In between thinking about, procrastinating, and actually DOING the packing for my weekend getaway, cleaning out the fridge was overlooked. Upon returning from the [...]
Read More in chores, Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 11, 2010
I wish I had more for you, but this is all I got today
(i wish i had more for you but my brain can’t handle any more than this and i’m okay with that because as jen says “motherhood is hard, yo” and these words just have to be good enough for now) my brain is swirling whirling disappearing and coming back around to itself there are lists and tasks and chores and goals i have to do and meet and be the exhaustion is pushed away by caffeine and kid-chasing, but it’s still there and i get weary of worrying if i’m keeping perspective on life, my life, this life somewhere underneath [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesFebruary 6, 2010
There comes a time when the yelling has to stop
I rocked my 7-year-old boy in my arms, his long body hanging off mine, flowing onto the white down comforter and the well-worn green flannel sheets that wrapped the mattress of my own childhood bed. How can he be so big? It’s not fair that I can’t curl him into me anymore. I sat and held him while he sobbed. I felt the release of his cares and his worry–his constant awareness of the expectations he can never seem to meet. Our expectations. “The little boys take a lot of work, don’t they?” I asked. “Yeah,” he muttered. “It’s crazy [...]
Read More in oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 28, 2010
This is my life: Just don’t call me Lois
This video has me on-the-floor-rolling-laughing-oh-my-god-the-funny every single time.
Read More in Sarah WritesJanuary 27, 2010
This is my life: Three Wild Boys
This video really says it all but I can’t resist adding a few words–after all, I’m a word girl. On more than one occasion I’ve had people come to our house and stand in the hallway afraid to step foot in the living room. They witness boys literally bouncing off walls, off each other, the floor, the couch, the puppy. I know what they are thinking: that I have absolutely no control over my kids and I let them run rampant and how on Earth can I allow this behavior to continue. No wonder I look so tired, no wonder [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 24, 2010
Bad Habits
Just a few months ago I was running 21 miles in 24 hours, waking at 5 am for a 60 minute swim, eating right, feeling fast and relishing an increased sex drive due to my aerobic endeavors and a wealth of endorphins. And now, mid-January finds me with cocktail in hand nearly every night, trying to milk the hours after the kids have gone to sleep. I’m awake too long; I sleep too late; I move only as much as needed; which, although is quite a lot when you have three boys running here and there, is nothing compared to [...]
Read More in exercise, health, mind/body, Sarah WritesJanuary 23, 2010
Make The Ordinary Come Alive
Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is a way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself. From The Parent’s Tao Te Ching by William Martin
Read More in Sarah WritesJanuary 22, 2010
Neighborly Love
The fantastic Miss Amy over at The Never-True Tales has started a Fabulous Friday Guest Post chain called Won’t You Be My Neighbor? I’m sure you’ve heard about this, as it seems to be popping up everywhere in the Neighborhood. We are delighted by our blog community and thus delighted to have become a part of the Guest Post Mania! Head over to The Never-True Tales for Driving Under the Cellular Influence. And check out the link below for more information on how to get your own neighbors to join in the fun!
Read More in guest post, Sarah WritesJanuary 18, 2010
Perspective
Max is two. Officially. But almost-nearly-not-quite three. He has a bump on his tummy next to his navel. It comes and goes, protruding a barely noticeable amount one day and becoming an alarming size the next. We don’t know what it is. The doctor doesn’t know what it is. And in common terms, it’s freaking me out! _______________________ My car broke down last week. I was driving along and then I wasn’t. And then I was stuck at home, or was I? The kids went off to school and dayhome and I was left to a house full of laundry [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 14, 2010
We care what people think about us
I went for a swim last night. I wanted release. I wanted weightlessness. The constant, rhythmic exertion. The void of outside distraction. The forced internal focus. The freedom of knowing I have nowhere to hide. That it is just me and the water. And that time, though tracked by lengths and breaths, is suspended. I can slip between the minutes and vanish from the public eye. I got in the pool and I did a few laps and I waited for the smooth motions to take over my body and for my mind to find it’s essential resting spot for [...]
Read More in body image, exercise, health, mind/body, Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 12, 2010
(un)stuck
Yesterday I was cruising along in my car singing the Pussycat Dolls. It was the middle of the work day and I was being a good girl and doing the bank run. I hate to do the bank run. What’s fun about depositing tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars into accounts that are not yours? Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s rather depressing, actually. But I was rather content with the day. Just for being. Thank you, day, for being what you are sometimes. Another chance. Upon leaving the bank I noticed a puddle in the parking lot. My van [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsI want so much to sit here and write. Breathe poetry and magic and spin words that lay dormant in my heart. But the days are so long. And I am so drained. And my body longs for sleep. My mind beckons peace. So today a short quip. I packed the family for a trip to the pool this afternoon. Come hell or high water I was determined to get the kids out of this house. The pool is always a fabulous destination and so I packed. We left. We drove. We arrived. There was ten minutes of struggling two [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJanuary 5, 2010
Should I let my kid win sometimes?
When I was a kid my brother, my sister and I would hole up in a bedroom or the corner of the living room during the Holiday break and start a marathon tournament of Monopoly. At least, I assume it was winter. I think I remember flannel pajamas, well-worn slippers and blankets tucked around our legs. I know I remember mornings before my parents had risen spent trading Park Place for all of those Orange properties. St. James Place? New York Avenue? I remember the sound of the tossing dice–cheers and grumbles both at the resulting numbers. I remember losing [...]
Read More in motherhood, oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsDecember 29, 2009
The Life I Lead
I imagine a different life from time to time. I imagine a bank account with many zeroes. A larger house. Curtains that match. Walls that are painted with one swish of an arm. I imagine nooks and crannies elegantly decorated for comfort, inviting me to read a book with my children. Floor pillows I’ve had the time to sew. Meals homemade and nourishing–like my sister knows how to do. But it is a different life I lead right now. Rushed and harried. But not forever. And I am not alone. Some days are calm and flow with me. I can [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsDecember 28, 2009
Five for Fighting
There is so much fighting in this house that it makes me want to scream. No. It does make me scream. And then I’m only adding to the mess. Heightening it, actually. How are the children to learn self-discipline and composure when I’m flying off the handle? How are they to learn patience with sharing and learning when my husband has so little patience with them? It’s the same conundrum so many mothers face: I’m yelling at my kids to stop yelling. Oh the irony. The painful, not so simple, irony. And it just doesn’t seem to quit. No matter [...]
Read More in boys, Sarah Writes, three kidsDecember 27, 2009
A Christmas Wish Come True
I keep thinking about magic. It’s the time of year no doubt. The tales I tell of Santa and his sleigh. The songs we sing. The reindeer food that we’ll throw up to the roof on Christmas eve. The enchantment of gifts that will spill out from under the tree, delighting us all with their pretty papers and silky bows. It is magical. The spirit of giving. The charm of a season. The memories and traditions we are creating in this cozy house of ours. Despite all the stresses of money and time–how much to spend, what to give, when [...]
Read More in holidays, Sarah Writes, three kidsDecember 17, 2009
Sleeping Beneath the Tree
Jen is right. It is the experiences of childhood that tell the tale of our youth as we get older and gain perspective about our upbringing. It is not only the opportunities that we are offered–soccer camps, slumber parties and piano lessons–or the material gifts that shower down upon us on Christmas and birthdays, but the experiences we share directly with our parents. The small stuff as much as the big. The time that is devoted to us individually. A one-on-one experience. An experience that is engineered to delight both child and parent. A moment to be shared, to be [...]
Read More in holidays, motherhood, Sarah WritesDecember 13, 2009
The Half-Drunk Winner Is?
Jen and I have read every entry. We have talked, emailed and Instant Messaged all week. We are awestruck. We are honored. Every one of our participants gave this community something brave and daring. Something that we, ourselves, found difficult to do. Time and time again we both came back to Kitch. Her words pummeled me with honesty and depth and heartache. With introspection and reflection alike. I am proud to name The Kitchen Witch as the winner of our Half-Drunk Challenge. But dare I say we all are winners? Dare I? Has it not been an amazing week? More [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsDecember 13, 2009
Cast Your Ballot
Thank you. Just Really. Thank you. Jen and I are blown away by the response to the Half-Drunk Challenge. It was just another idea, you see. An idea that I threw out there. An idea that became, like Five for Ten, a self-sustaining means to new connections, and stronger connections–to a group of insightful people that choose, like us, to spend a great amount of time in the written world. My two littlest boys are snug in their beds for a midday nap. The oldest child plays games with his father. I finally have some time to cozy up in [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsDecember 11, 2009
Breakable
[Audio clip: view full post to listen] There are certain things my husband just will not do. It amazes me that he has the resolve to walk away so easily. To leave something undone. Without guilt. Without a second thought. To leave it in my hands. My hands that are already exhausted by all that needs doing in life. The chores, the tasks, the mountains of laundry. The wiping of noses, the tying of laces, the dressing, feeding, caretaking of my mommy life. I am exhausted by the mere thought of it all, let alone the execution. Exhausted by trying [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, chores, fatherhood, housework, motherhood, relationship, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsDecember 8, 2009
Drunk Love – Song and Celebration
Excuse the typos. And the grammatical errors. And the nonsensicalness. But I? Am drunk. Most definitely so. Just wanted to impart two things tonite. In a silly way. And in a somewhat daring way. To keep the vibe of the challenge going. 1. Tonight, while being subjected to the Carrie Underwood special on television, my husband and I admitted to one another that we actually like the following song. Let me be clear: we are not country. However, after divulging that I freely sing along when I hear it, Dan chimed in that he’ll give way to robust sing-a-long also [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, relationship, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsDecember 7, 2009
Half-Drunk Challenge Entries
Join us. Drink. Be Merry. Write. Go here AND here for some info. Then LINK UP and join in the fun.
Read More in Sarah WritesDecember 5, 2009
Half-Drunk Challenge
Play Me [Audio clip: view full post to listen] The morning I woke up hungover and remembered I had actually published a post entitled Drunken Rambling about my Optimistic Clitoris I decided to challenge as many readers as I could to write something daring. This particular post of mine was clearly the result of Nablopomo pressure, four Gin and Tonics, and a lack of any other ideas at the time. But I wondered what could happen if we actually PLANNED to get loose and write! So here we go. Start your engines. Get out the cabernet. This is a challenge [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsI have two separate text documents on my computer filled with attempts at explaining my reaction to Jen’s post from yesterday. It’s important for me to respond to her even though I’ve been having some trouble finding all the words. She has spun a stimulating thread here. I have read and reread the insightful comments from our dedicated readers, and it is obvious that her words have inspired a wealth of thoughts and emotions about our roles as parents. How we foster independence in our children. How much or little we intervene with their choices. How accepting we are of [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah Writes, sisters, three kidsNovember 30, 2009
And the winners are…
Thanksgiving was perfecto! However, it did kinda sorta skew my focus for a few days. It’s taken me longer than I expected to get to this post. It seems I was more concerned about eating pie and keeping toddlers out of trouble than I was about the blog. Phew! That was hard to admit. Especially after Five for Ten. Especially after the influx of comments and blogs we so happily devoured. I will shamelessly say that I spent much more time with my computer than I did with my kids for those ten days. That this blog space was more [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 28, 2009
The banter of family
We talk about sleep. Wine-induced sleep. What a blessing. What a curse. We talk about age. Sixty and six months and everything in between. What it means to grow old. What it takes to stay young. We talk about the kids. How active they are. How much energy they have. How much energy they take. From us. All day. We banter. About the little things. Happily. Because we are family. And this is what we do. And it is comfortable. To talk about nothing in particular. When you are with family. There is no agenda. No point. No expectation. But [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 26, 2009
Thanksgiving
Yeah. The day will probably end up like this for my husband. On MomalomsMom’s couch. Feet up. Children running circles around him. Tugging at his feet. Crawling on his chest. While he sleeps through it all. In fact, he’s taking a nap as I write this. As my oldest son animates the Military Channel. As my grandmother inquires about our latest good reads. As my best friend calls me to wish a Happy Thanksgiving. The bird cooks. The stuffing is stuffed. The beans are greening up. And I am happy as can be. I might, however, have to borrow some [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesNovember 24, 2009
Lasting Impressions
I can’t quite believe it is the final day here at Five for Ten. Excuse me if I run long today, my heart is full. Very full. My heart runneth over with worry and fear and joy and expression and memory on most days, but today it is filled with lasting amounts of honesty and love. Honest love. The draft of the very first Five for Ten post – the introduction to our adventure – sat on my laptop waiting for a little bit of bravery. I finished typing it up and went to the couch for a Friday night [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 20, 2009
Another Secret Weekend – help, imma gonna have six kids in my house
Stress. The devil. Do they indeed mean the same thing? My husband is stressed. Has started a new company and is just so, well, STRESSED. On top of the demands for his time from both clients and family that he cannot fulfill, and the financial deadlines he must meet so as to keep the house in our name AND the heat turned on, he’s got the fucking flu. Whoops, I cursed. Hoping I don’t offend any of too many of you. Because he is stressed, I am stressed, and the kids get stressed because our patience is fickle – waffling [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kids (six kids)November 18, 2009
The Threads of Sisterhood
Pigtails. Aren’t I cute? This is me, age 5, Kindergarten. I adored that sweater in every way that a little girl can adore an article of clothing. The buttons were white hearts hand-painted with some pinky, girly, swirly somethings. And I was as cute as those buttons for a day or two—until my mom was fed up with finding two eyelet ribbons in my back pack at the end of every day instead wrapped around my rubberbands. She threatened to cut off my hair if I didn’t stop pulling out my pigtails. Or my braids. Or my Mindys. Remember Mindys? [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, sistersNovember 16, 2009
When you aren’t sure what to write, just ask
Reminders. If you are just joining us here and wondering what that big, bold Five for Ten sign is up there, well, be daring and click on it! It is not too late to jump in. Hell, I’m late for everything. We’ll love you just the same if you commit today and join in the connections. If you have the time to click over to any of the other readers leaving us the most fabulous comments, please do. It is not a requirement of the game, but how about making another blogger’s day just a little bit happier? Oh, I [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 14, 2009
Come on. You know you want to!
Listen Here. We all spend a heck of a lot of time thinking about our lives, breaking things down into posts, and piecing the words together. We deserve a little more from it all, and Jen and I really want to make that happen. So we have decided to start Five for Ten. If you are just landing here, please take a moment to read yesterday’s post and then come on back. Rules of the Game. Eek. I have a great aversion to the word “rules” – except when it comes to my kids, of course – but I suppose [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 13, 2009
Five for Ten
How do you ask people to stop and take a look at your blog for five minutes a day, ten days in a row, so that you can have a chance at proving yourself? Wait, no. It’s not proof you need. It’s connection. To give and to get. To form. It’s helping people understand that you want is to create a space that is so full of connections that they feel compelled to touch base. It is building this place where we speak to each other. Where the writer reaches out and the reader reaches back. Where the conversations flourish [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 11, 2009
Fathers and sons
Many years ago I made a shallow attempt to start writing again. I was a new mom spending my days at home with a new babe. Something about all that time on my hands encouraged me to find my words again. It had been too long. A part of me remained void without a notebook filled by scrawls and scratches tucked under my arm. I was empowered by the thought of reconnecting with that piece of myself and took small steps to get there. When I finally turned on the faucet a black slop gooped out. After a few days [...]
Read More in boys, fatherhood, history aka before kids, Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 9, 2009
Drunken rambling about my optimistic clitoris
I’m three-quarters drunk so why not talk about my boobs for a minute. And the overall state of my body. And beacons of light. Wait, I have to digress for one moment. My husband just got a friend request on Facebook. Ah, yes, the friend request. A coveted thing in some circles. This one came from an old friend from middle school with a name that got chosen by his parents upon throwing a single dart at a dartboard full of names. While navigating Facebook on his iPhone to accept the request he passes through a few status updates. “That’s [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, sex, three kidsNovember 7, 2009
It was probably easier this way, and much more funny
Let’s pick up where we left off, shall we? I went back to work much too early after Ethan was born. I don’t know if it was guilt over my absence, or an honest need to get out of the house, but I found myself once again cooped up in an office with a baby carrier tucked away at my feet. In the eighteen months that I held this position of employment I had delivered two babies. On most days I’m pretty sure it was more than my boss could handle and I’m sure he never quite realized it was [...]
Read More in boys, Sarah WritesNovember 5, 2009
The moment I decided an IUD was for me
Ethan is my third child. My third boy (yes, I have to remind you of my boy parade every chance I get because I am CLEARLY KEEPING THE DREAM ALIVE THAT I WILL ONE DAY HAVE A DAUGHTER). My post-delivery, six week OB check up went exactly the same as it had 15 months prior when second-boy Max was the little penis in the sling: Everything looks good. Everything checks out. Uterus is contracted. All your parts are in tact. Let’s talk about birth control. These are your options. I recommend an IUD. Here’s what it looks like. Here’s how [...]
Read More in mind/body, Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 3, 2009
When life gets in the way of motherhood
My boy is sick. He lays beside me in bed right now telling me over and over it’s time for him to go to sleep. Finally admitting that he feels horrible. He isn’t just “fine.” Telling me that he loves me and that he wants me to be right next to him. Right now and all night long. In my big comfortable cloud of a bed. So here we are. Dan will sleep on the couch. I will sleep next to my boy. His fever will drift up and down. I will be here to medicate him and mother him. [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsNovember 1, 2009
Many the Miles
Play Me [Audio clip: view full post to listen] I pulled on my running tights yesterday and laced up my new sneakers. I snaked through the streets in my neighborhood, up the hill past a golf course, along tree-lined avenues painted with picturesque houses, through a lonely college campus. It was Halloween and the weather couldn’t have been more elegantly creepy and magical. There was a forceful wind. It pushed me and I pushed right back. Leaves danced across the streets, bathed the sidewalks, and breezed with me as I broke free. From that world indoors. The one that I [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, mind/body, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsOctober 27, 2009
Connections
People change me. I am so ready to be changed. It is not a failure or a flaw. It is not a sign that I waffle easily, that I am unsure of who I am and what I want. Instead, I know it to be the natural course of my life. There is always another way to do things. How do I know I’m doing it right? How do I know that I look best in blue? Why would I think that my answers are correct? I look for help. I look for reassurance. I look for change. And most [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, motherhood, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsOctober 26, 2009
Gratitude
Hi. My mind is stuck. There is a post at half-mast just waiting to be released. I have to catch some wind and will then set it free. But I wanted just to say, in the meantime, that my heart is full. Thank you for the comments. It is love. And I am grateful. I linked up to Jill’s contest pretty late in the game. Barely made the cut-off. Just wanted to be part of this wonderful community. Out of many wonderful entries, she picked one. She picked mine. I was more than just a little shocked to find this [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesOctober 22, 2009
A very wealthy life
This is the place where we admit it all. Where we say what we can’t say to our friends at the playground. To our neighbors at a backyard barbecue. Where we coddle the voice that sits within. The one that whines in frustration at all the chores and the failures. The deeds undone. The lives we don’t have. But we want. The people we see inside ourselves. But can’t always become. This is the place where we try not to portray ourselves as someone in particular. We place no judgment. We find no fear. We look for resolve. This is [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, motherhood, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsOctober 18, 2009
Give yourself away
When I was in high school I had a favorite teacher. She would have us freewrite. It was liberating for me. I didn’t understand why some of my classmates would groan. We were given a topic and ten minutes. Our pens were instructed to flow freely and effortlessly and consistently for 10 minutes. And I say “our pens” because they really take on a life of their own when you let your mind just go. I don’t think I ever realized it until now but it was like a meditation. A release of the thoughts. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, history aka before kids, motherhood, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kids, writingOctober 15, 2009
He had kind eyes and he needed my money
Sunday was my husband’s birthday. He is now officially closer to 40 than 30, but whatever. The only reason I mention this is to explain why I took all three hooligans to the grocery store with me. He went mountain biking to relieve some stress – DEAR GOD PLEASE BLOW OFF SOME STEAM MY DEAR HUSBAND – and I gathered ingredients for my world famous Carrot Cake. We blazed through the store successfully, especially considering that since Ethan is too heavy for the sling or the Ergo, Max has been bumped from the cart and is now free-range and roaming [...]
Read More in chores, Sarah Writes, three kidsOctober 14, 2009
Meme: an idea
A Meme aka another random 35 things about Sarah. 1. Where is your cell phone? do you really care? 2. Your hair? never as cute as i want it to be – can i get a stylist please? 3. Your mother? too far away 4. Your father? in the clouds 5. Your favorite food? food, in general. 6. Your dream last night? i was too tired to dream 7. Your favorite drink? i don’t like playing favorites 8. Your dream/goal? let’s pluralize those, shall we? financial stability. another successful marathon (02.14.10). a daughter 9. What room are you in? couch [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsOctober 8, 2009
I think I had an orgasm on my spin bike
I am not generally a sweater. No, we’re not talking merino wool. We’re talking sweat, people, perspiration. So, let me repeat. I am not generally a sweater. I’m usually the one at the end of the race with a bright red face and splotchy limbs, looking a bit under the weather. I push my body to places that it doesn’t really want to go and the exertion settles right under the skin, asking to be released. It’s often a gripe of mine that I don’t sweat, since sweating cools you down and prevents that uncomfortable build up of heat I [...]
Read More in exercise, mind/body, Sarah Writes, sex, three kidsLife isn’t easy. In fact, these days it’s terribly hard and terrifically stressful. I feel like I am tethered to my children. I’m only lucky enough to free myself so that they can go to school and daycare and I can go to a job that I…oh yeah, I fucking hate! So no, not so lucky after all. But aren’t the weekends supposed to be fun? Supposed to procure some form of relaxation? Some respite from the humdrum work week? Because they don’t. It’s just more obligation. More duties. More shit that needs to get done. Instead it’s unpaid shit [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesSeptember 29, 2009
Addendum to my life
I look around the house and see pieces of my life that need fixing every day. The toilet runs downstairs. The wallpaper is only half-finished. The trim fell off the vent. It needs to be painted. There are no pictures on the walls. There is no room here complete. I want a deck. I want a garden. I want a mud room that is functional. I need my own bathroom. I need my own closet. I need an addendum to my current life. Can we do that? Can we put an addition onto our lives while we are still living [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 24, 2009
I am tired of talking
I am always talking. Words are always coming out of my mouth. I would say that about 5% of the time I am actually saying the things I want to be saying. The other 95% of the time I am either saying the things that need to be said or saying things that will fill the air. I say things at work to fill the air. To bring laughter. Shock and laughter. It feels good to hear this laughter when everything else about my job is really just NOT funny. I say things to friends to fill the air. To [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 21, 2009
I could be a better mother- Part 1 (outline?)
I’m exhausted. I’m just exhausted. Every minute or two I remember something else that needs to be accomplished. Right now? The tooth fairy. “Don’t go to bed before the tooth fairy lands!” looms in the back of my head. I will almost forget. I will turn off the tv. I will put my head down. I will close my eyes. I will sigh big and deep and well-deserved, and then I’ll say FUCK! It’s what I do. And thank goodness for that. Cause if I didn’t remember I KNOW I’d be doing something wrong. And that’s the question. How do [...]
Read More in motherhood, paid work, Sarah Writes, three kids, workSeptember 14, 2009
Frazzlement
I’m living in Jen’s last post. Living IT. Living IN it. It is me. My life comes down to those first five sentences. And the fact that I can’t do everything. Actually, I can hardly do anything anymore. Because I try to do everything, I can hardly do anything. I fuck up all the time. No, really. All.the.time. I really do. Really. I pack the whole family in the car, husband included (and he’s often hard to sell on “family outings”) and head to the pool (not a quick and easy place to pack for, mind you). I hype up [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 9, 2009
I curse
What the fuck? This post has been stuck in EDIT mode for four fucking days? I curse. A lot. In anger. For emphasis. Cause it’s easy. I always have. I chalk it up to my father’s influence. He swore from the minute he opened his eyes each morning. Into the shower. While looking for a clean shirt. While ironing a semi-clean shirt. While spilling coffee down a now-quite-dirty shirt. Fuck. Shit. Damn. Fuck (again). So I was a teenager. Once. A fun-loving, “mood-enhancing,” love-making teenager. Swearing. Cursing. Acting my age. But now I’m 30. Past 30. And I have three [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsSeptember 2, 2009
Little Stuff
this is: about breakfast our morning routine and waking up: i hate waking up my bed is a cloud a dreamy cloud i don’t visit enough i want to stay where i am on my cloud all alone i want silence i’d like all the chirping of sweet morning children to be in the background another layer not quite beside me yet but it isn’t that way and i peel back the covers and i trod down the stairs and i drip in the coffee i pour cereal and cut fruit and change diapers and check my attitude i melt [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, mind/body, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsAugust 31, 2009
I’ll put it on the schedule
It’s taken me seven years of parenthood to see that I’m better when I’m busy. And I am. I love my kids more. More? Yes, More. I work full-time. Monday through Friday. I exhaust myself by showering and dressing and drying my hair. By choosing just how presentable I’m going to look at the office today. By fitting all my wants and needs around this uncompromising schedule that ties me to a desk, and a computer, and a phone, and a money-making lifestyle. (Not much money, mind you. Don’t get the wrong idea.) I have a calendar on the kitchen [...]
Read More in mind/body, paid work, Sarah WritesAugust 25, 2009
I used to date women
Yup. I used to date women. It started in high school. Wait. Strike that. It started in high school. It started in fourth grade. Ashley Parker. We used to bend down and kiss each other on the lips behind the hedgerow before I hurried off to my mother’s car at the end of the driveway. Wait. Revelation. It started before THAT. Lauren Pearson. We once pulled our pants down during a playdate and smooshed our bodies together. Just laying and smooshing. A few minutes later we were back to making up songs and chasing each other around the house, weaving [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesAugust 23, 2009
Seven Pictures for my Seven Year Old
I’m not prone to sadness about my kid growing up, but I’m getting a bit teary tonight. Typical of the first child, I pushed Jamis to walk, to talk, to the potty, and then off to school. And now I want to stop the clock. He’s gotten too old. I could use a rewind. To turn back the time. To hold him again – his whole body fitting within my body. Happy Number Seven biggest boy. You saved my life. And gave me a new life. And it’s a beautiful place to be.
Read More in birthday, oldest child, Sarah WritesAugust 22, 2009
30 Years Between Them
Here they are. The birthday duo. Their first encounter. 2002 That year we began a journey. As sisters. And then as mothers. And here we are. We have arrived. Happy Birthday Sister. I love you.
Read More in birthday, Sarah Writes, sistersAugust 20, 2009
I hate birthday parties
So I’ll say it. I hate planning birthday parties. I get stressed, anxious, and generally grumpy surrounding the whole birthday party thing. Do we have one? When do we have one? What day, what time, and where? Of course WHERE is of huge importance to the kid, and when is a matter of convenience for the parents – the me-parent and the parents of the OTHER kids, as well. And then there’s the whole coordinating it with the ACTUAL birthday thing. Details: Of which you probably don’t care so I’ll make it brief: Sunday the 23rd Jamis turns 7. It’s [...]
Read More in birthday, oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsAugust 18, 2009
Perception is not Reality – Making a Case for the Tummy Tuck
My internet at work has been very temperamental. In and out and In and Out. But because this is a Tuesday, and Jen and I are both at work, we are required to have a few words exchange via Instant Messaging. It makes the day happy to have our misspelled words bounced around in AIM. So, spotty internet service would have threatened the state of the universe if not for…my trusty iPhone. It was at the ready when Jen pinged me at 9:29 am. Here I was, hovering over my phone at my office desk, typing furiously on the little [...]
Read More in body image, mind/body, Sarah WritesAugust 18, 2009
annnnnd… making a case for the BOOB job
So I read In the Trenches of Mommyhood. I write a post. I write a comment. I IM with Jen. And now I’m feeling kind of gung-ho. So here’s the resulting texting between myself and my husband. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see (as if he reads) that I’ve posted it here. 1:28 PM ME: I’ve decided something. HIM: Great. What is it. ME: Well. If u don’t want to try to have that girl someday. I might just go out and buy some new girls of my own. ME: You know, the kind you wear around all the [...]
Read More in body image, relationship, Sarah WritesAugust 10, 2009
Bad weekend brings career change
The rain stopped. The humidity dropped. We had gorgeous weather all weekend. Even the gray parts of Sunday were a welcome retreat from lightning bolts and sticky feet. But even if the Earth and Sun cooperated, it just wasn’t an A+ parenting weekend. I called my kid a little shit. To his face, people, to his face! I swore more times than I really should have. In my mind AND out loud. All patience was lost. The only time I relaxed was during my Saturday morning run, which was rushed because we had guests coming to town. Why, oh why, [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, workAugust 5, 2009
Newly Mothering
Yup, I’m on Facebook. Who isn’t? It’s kind of like Twitter…and sex…I go through phases. This week I am happy to announce that I’ve reconnected with an old high school friend. We’ve been Facebook “friends” for a little while but never really had much to say to one another. I don’t think either of us are particularly poised for rehashing our adolescent years at the all-girls’ boarding school we attended. Well, at least not without some margaritas in a dark mexican lounge with about 5 other post-boarding school babes surrounding us. (Hmm, that idea IS sounding a little fun right [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, motherhood, Sarah Writes, Sarah's FavoritesJuly 30, 2009
Turning that frown upside down
I’m much more ready to write when I’m grumpy. Why is that? On good days I just breeze on by, and the thought of supplying a new post for our few loyal readers is a chore not unlike the dishes or the laundry (and boy am I tired of talking and thinking about those two things). Today is a grump day. Guilt and anger day. For kicks I searched “guilt” on our site and there were 8 posts returned that had mention of “guilt.” Don’t you know that every single one of them was written by me? Not Jen. Me. [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJuly 26, 2009
Post-Vacation Blues
Real life. Dishes that have become more than just necessity. Naptimes that are more than just convenient. Rules that have reappeared. Sighs that are heavier, deeper and more frequent. Dinner plans. Tomorrow’s schedule. Work. Bills. Day-to-Day. I never thought I’d have the inclination to unplug from my life as much as I did while we were in Vermont. I’m sure that a very large part of my disconnect from the virtual world was the fact that I cracked the screen of my Macbook the night before we left. I was at the mercy of Dan’s PC: typing is not quite [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJuly 21, 2009
Zen Update
Here’s the brief vacation update: Eleven children run around – in and out of bathing suits, rotating nap schedules and snack choices, amusing us and exhausting us – all at the same time. There are five little bodies sleeping in a tent on a small patch of grass just above the sandy beach of the lake. I am sitting on the porch listening to the waves and watching a skunk slink past us and move right around the tent. My mother is quite concerned the little beast will spray and we’ll be in a smelt-skunk funk for the rest of the [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJuly 16, 2009
Keeping it Zen, Jen
I’m a day early for such carelessness. Vacation is TWO days away, not one. Oh well. Too late. I’ve stolen the only fan in the house from the baby’s room and it’s swirling hot air around the kitchen right now, settling on my stickiness for much too short a moment before passing on to the kids, and derailing the flies that have skated in through the quite WIDE OPEN back door. Yes, we live in a barn. Complete with children who mimic every animal noise and, more importantly, every behavior. I’m drinking watermelon vodka with seltzer out of my favorite [...]
Read More in housework, Sarah WritesJuly 15, 2009
Tingling Fat Lippage
I’m whomped. I haven’t gotten back into my regular cycle of posts since my secret weekend. Since the beginning of this full-time work gig. And now? Now, you ask? Now I am sitting in discomfort with a tingling lower lip that is swollen and bordering on elephantitis. Okay, so I’m a bit dramatic. The people around me don’t seem to look so aghast when they glance my way, and they assure me it’s “not so bad,” but I’m thinking it’s all just being nice for my benefit, you know? I had oral surgery yesterday morning, bright and early, to remove [...]
Read More in health, mind/body, Sarah WritesWorking full-time is kicking my ass. It’s been nearly two weeks and I’m absolutely drained. Sitting in front of a computer for 8 hours punching numbers and taking calls and writing letters and decoding mumbled instructions from my boss is all so very draining. A few things have helped me along the way. Since the exhaustion takes over the minute I close the boys’ bedroom doors for the night, and I’ve no other time to blog, I’m going to cop out and give you a run-down of my welcome distractions this week, both small and large, happy and sad. Jen: [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, workJuly 5, 2009
Back to Me
So I’m back to my lazy self. After last week’s business of getting our secret weekend all set, and expending so much energy being sneaky, I’m tapped out. My new full-time work schedule zapped me, as did the return to our daily routine of dishes and laundry and naptimes and bedtimes without anything distracting to look forward to – like a super special weekend alone with my husband in a perfect hotel with a perfect view. Dan just set off for a bike ride at the reservoir with Jamis and Max. Jamis is whiney because he doesn’t want to go [...]
Read More in chores, housework, Sarah WritesJune 29, 2009
A lifetime away from it all
Dan and I drove away in a thunderstorm. I was so nervous that I actually pulled out of the driveway and headed in the wrong direction. After a few minutes of listening to Dan begin the recap of his work day I realized my error and turned us around. 10 minutes later on the highway he took a call and muttered to me on the side, “Where are we going?” I shooed him off and kept on going. 30 minutes later he took another call and offered to assist the restaurant with tech support the next morning, as it appeared [...]
Read More in relationship, Sarah WritesJune 28, 2009
Kelsey’s Night
So I woke up in our absolutely beautiful hotel room this morning, found the coffee, managed to make the coffee, sat on the couch and lovingly opened the lid of my little black Mac. I know, I know, what am I doing on the computer, you ask. I should be having a goooood time. I am having a good time. Fabulous, in fact. But sipping coffee, checking my email, catching up on Twitter and dipping a toe or two into the blog world is my morning routine. And it is THAT MUCH sweeter to do without three kids glomming on [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJune 26, 2009
What it takes to make a secret weekend
So I’m taking Dan away for a secret weekend. (So this better not be the day he starts reading the blog, or I’m a-gonna just ruin the surprise right now.) My five running lists are upstairs and I have more motivation to retype them all from memory (ha!) than walk up the 12 steps to get them. So here goes…what it takes to plan and execute a super secret surprise weekend for your sweetie… Cash in all your good karma so you can… Secure child care for three boys for 2 days and 2 nights Cheer wildly by silently dancing [...]
Read More in relationship, Sarah WritesJune 23, 2009
Just another day
Every day is a new day, and yet the same in some way. Some often truly annoying way. Max wakes up at 6:00 or 6:30 or, these days, 5:30. He comes to our room, his arms full with his fuzzy blue blanket and his doggie. He crawls in our bed. He says “Wake UP!” a whole bunch of times. One of us struggles to put Noggin on – something, anything to keep the beast tame just a little bit longer. We went to bed too late. Sometimes by choice, sometimes not. Me: by choice. Dan: fifty/fifty. The little shit can’t [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJune 20, 2009
Father’s Day, 1999
My mother woke me up and told me to get dressed, get ready right away, and come downstairs. There was something wrong with Dad at the hospital. The night before, my parents had gone to the driving range to hit some balls. I didn’t recall the last time they ever did that because my father’s back problems prevented him from enjoying golf ever since I could remember. But he loved to coach mom in all things athletic, once quite an athlete himself, and so they went. I declined an invitation to join them, even if it meant the summertime treat [...]
Read More in Dad, Sarah WritesJune 18, 2009
A secret weekend
Ooh I am so excited I can hardly contain myself. And I’ve never been very good at keeping a secret. Not this kind of secret anyway. I was better at the naughty girl secrets I had to keep from parents, siblings, and friends. I keep saying that’s another story, and it is. Note: there’s not much I do half-assed, it’s full-ass or no-ass, and I’m slowly learning how to step into the middle and move around a little. Sometimes I think “the middle” is just for wussies, sometimes I think it’s boring but responsible, and sometimes I’m on top of [...]
Read More in relationship, Sarah Writes, sexJune 16, 2009
Another reason I love my sister…
…because she sends me notes like this in the mail. The real mail. The post-man-or-woman-walks-up-to-your-house mail. Not the virtual mail. Those count too. But these are extra special. Oh, and if you can’t read the handwriting, too bad. Mine is virtually the same, so I have no trouble making it out. And, this was truly meant for my eyes, not yours. So consider yourself extra special, too! If you can read it, all the better! Jen: I hope this is okay to share. I’m assuming you’d tell me otherwise. [smiles]
Read More in Best of 2009, Jen Writes, Sarah Writes, Sarah's FavoritesJune 16, 2009
No is a complete sentence
I heard this in the car the other day. No is a complete sentence. Ahh, brilliant. So I don’t have to say “No, you can’t have that and these are the fifteen reasons why and why not” ? Oh, good. I’ll have to remember this. It is so much easier to say no, and walk away. But the little people, they follow you asking questions over and over again. “Why Mama?” And the littler people, they just scream at you and throw themselves to the ground and against the walls, and pound relentlessly until you’ve both got a headache. It’s [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJune 12, 2009
Bad Mothers, Good Mothers, Really?
Today’s post started as a comment to the article Just Sayin’ – Is “bad” parenting in? I heard it in the car on the way to work and immediately called Jen, who should have been in the car, on the way to work, and she was, but she didn’t answer the phone because she was in the dead zone (topic for an entirely different post). I hate it when she’s in the dead zone and so I left a message. And here we are now, hours later and thinking about this article and all that it means, how it can [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, Sarah WritesJune 9, 2009
Summer, here we come
I’m happy for the sun-soaked, sunscreen-soaked days that lay ahead. I welcome them. And I’ll even deal with whiney toddlers who yell at me to “Stop!” Because summer breathes on me calm and slow and patient thoughts. And I can always use more of those. So summer, here we come. The boys are a year older, and life is even louder, and there’s sure to be more of this…
Read More in boys, Sarah Writes, three kidsJune 8, 2009
Sleeping Boys
Exhaustion. Me. No words. Just thoughts. Of little boys. Sweet. and Quiet. When they sleep. Ahh, me. My boys. And sleep.
Read More in Sarah Writes, sleep, UncategorizedJune 5, 2009
Mother to three boys – Just thinking out loud again
I started an email response to Shawna, who commented on my last post, Thinking Out Loud. The email got so long and so intense that even though I continued writing, I had decided to post it on the blog as a direct reply to Shawna’s comment – because sometimes it’s just strange to privately respond to people we don’t know with so much information and so much honesty (even though that’s what we do in a blog post – weird) and I didn’t want to freak Shawna out. And because I was sharing such a significant expansion of the previous [...]
Read More in boys, Sarah WritesJune 4, 2009
Thinking out loud
I have some dirty history. Some scary, dirty history. Years of my life that I’m sure I will eventually reveal. And I’m sure that it would make a lot more sense to write this after an autobiographical bit is posted, but I don’t tend to work like that – make sense and all. In short, I’ve come full circle and I stand here wondering how much we tell our kids of our past. What they need to know, what can and should be left out, what’s beneficial, what’s detrimental, what will teach a wise lesson that they’ll forever carry with [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, boys, history aka before kids, Sarah Writes, Sarah's FavoritesJune 3, 2009
Behind the Scenes: Brilliant Minds
sarah (11:48:24 AM): r u there god, it’s me Margaret? jen (11:48:37 AM): just call me sheila the great. sarah (11:48:56 AM): well, we made it to nearly noon before gettin the IM bug jen (11:49:02 AM): not bad! sarah (11:49:11 AM): does that make all THREE of my boys Fudge? jen (11:49:15 AM): Em asleep. i need to print stuff out, but the printer wakes her up. jen (11:49:17 AM): FUDGE. jen (11:49:19 AM): yep. jen (11:49:27 AM): i hope S and Em aren’t blubber. sarah (11:49:30 AM): and S is Ramona Quimby, B is who? ralph s mouse? sarah (11:49:41 AM): riding his motorcycle sarah (11:49:52 AM): not to make [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesJune 1, 2009
I think some kegels are in order
I’m absolutely exhausted right now and there is no sane reason why I should even be attempting to post right now. (Lots of run-on sentences to follow). I have a compelling urge to give out a bit TOO MUCH INFORMATION: the Jumping Jacks required by Jillian Michaels in the 30-day Shred I attempted tonite have alerted me to the fact that I better start doing those Kegels, else I be stuck riding around on a Segway for the rest of my days chanting, Low-impact, Low-impact. That caption is priceless. I’m thinking that if the Segway could help me clear my [...]
Read More in body image, exercise, Sarah WritesMay 28, 2009
And summer begins…
This is Maximus.He’s two and a little bit.Wildly beautiful. Remarkably infuriating.He bites, he claws, he screams.Even the cousins distinguish him as the crazy one.As in, “Watch out for crazy Max.”He cries “Hug, hug,” each time he gets in trouble.He repeats the last two words of every sentence he hears.He says “Wake up” to Dan and me at 5 am.He consumes 40 sippy cups a day.He’s the only boy we actually planned on conceiving.He has a special blue blanket, and a special stuffed doggie. He likes to do this to his little brother, Ethan. It won’t be long before my littlest [...]
Read More in boys, middle child, Sarah Writes, youngest childMay 27, 2009
When a bad mood slips away
Last Saturday was a really shitty day. I can’t even tell you why. I’m sure that it had something to do with a stupid comment from Dan. And I’m sure that three hours into my total turned-down mouth grumpiness, I forgot what it was he said in the first place, but the mood persisted. I was mad at the world and at the day – for not being perfect, again. Early in the afternoon our babysitter texted to ask what time to get to our house so Dan and I could go out. I wanted to reply “Don’t Bother,” because [...]
Read More in chores, relationship, Sarah WritesMay 25, 2009
101 Things about Sarah, by Sarah
I’m not sure I like the idea of doing this, but I always enjoy reading the 100 Things About Me list on other blogs. So, in the interest of sharing some information that probably wouldn’t otherwise come forward in an ordinary blog post about my life with three kids, I am attempting this not-so-unique idea of blabbing 100 things you’re not so sure you wanted to know and I’m pretty sure I don’t need to say. I’m 5’6″ I cut my hair maybe twice a year I am proud to say I’m a regular at the hair salon now–this is [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesI amso tired tiredtrying my best to look forward toa weekend at home with my kidsand my husbandand the sun I amtrying real hardto approach all these must-do’s and have-to’sand just knock them off my lists those lists that float around my house and inside my pursethose lists that help me organize my thoughts in the morningand then confirm I am a total failure at night There is so much to be doneit’s overwhelmingthe list is overwhelmingit runs on without stoppingI can’t jump over it or around itcannot tackle it in any kind of productive manner Whenever I start a [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah Writes, unpaid workMay 22, 2009
For my Littlest Guy
Oh my baby, my baby, my baby. He takes So.Much.Abuse from his big brother, and yet he keeps on smiling and laughing and treating us all to the fresh air of optimism that is often so desperately needed when you’re stuck in an endless cycle of diaper changes and naptime coordination. I vow to take more pictures of you, Ethan, and to start reading to you – one of these days – and to protect you from the pushing, kicking, tyrant that is your brother, Max.
Read More in Sarah Writes, youngest childMay 19, 2009
A Mother’s Guilt
It started yesterday morning when I dropped my kid off at school and suddenly took notice of his walk. Not his hips or his legs, but his feet. He has this light and bouncy step, and in the 10 seconds I waited for the crossing guard, and watched Jamis reach line-up, I mourned the fact that I hadn’t noticed this before. He’s 6. Had his gait suddenly changed? When had I stopped scrutinizing the little details of my children, not just to keep track, but for the enjoyment of it? What I was most guilty about was the fact that [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMay 15, 2009
A hug is where the heart is
I can’t stop thinking about this face. And how it’s lips can charm me and scorch me all in a matter of minutes. _______________________________________ Scenario: Jamis asks for a hug.I’m bein’ a lil’ bit goofy and flop on top of him. Arrrrrrg! “There’s your huggy hug.” “No, a real hug.” So I sit up properly on the couch and he folds into my arms. Actually, I think we’re at the point where I fold into him, because the hugs are less frequent and he tends to offer them not only when he needs one, but when he knows I need [...]
Read More in boys, fatherhood, motherhood, oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsMay 14, 2009
Making new friends with other moms
Oh it is So not the first time this has subject has been pondered. And it So won’t be the last: The well-documented problem of moms seeking out other moms for friendship. And why is it always moms seeking out other moms? Why aren’t moms seeking out dads, or single gals, or newlyweds too? Um, do I have to go there? I think we are all aware of that crazy brain thing that happens after you’ve given birth, and often times long before: There’s a life inside of me. Wait, it’s going to come out. Thank Gooooodness, it’s out. Damn, [...]
Read More in Favorites, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsMay 13, 2009
I grant thee…a Lovely Award
So we’re a little new at this BLOG ABOUT MY LIFE thing. It’s completely reassuring if we get even one comment a day or two new visits. It’s unbelievably therapeutic to have a place to vent and reflect and dream OUT LOUD. To our surprise, a fellow blogger has found something worthwhile in the mess that is us just trying to get away from the chaos that is our every day life with three kids. And thus we were granted an award by Amy at ThoughtfulParent.com. Thank you Thoughtful Parent, Thoughtful Friend. We kindly accept the One Lovely Blog Award. [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMay 11, 2009
And this…
May 11, 2009
Post Mother’s Day Post
I know, enough about Mother’s Day already. I just have some things to say and I think that if I don’t, I’ll forget. And I can’t. I can’t forget; I need to have a place to come back to when it’s time to remember. I’ve been lucky enough to celebrate six Mother’s Days. None has ever been as special as this one. We did not go out for brunch. I did not wear a hat. It was just a day. My kids woke up. My husband asked if I’d like to sleep in and he’d bring me coffee. I said [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesDear Jen, I put this in an email. A reply to your 5:35 message. I typed it all out and almost hit send, but thought it better to post it here, where we ARE free, where we CAN be. Where I feel our bond most strong, most clear, and most alive.I love you!Sarah omg i wishi couldsteal you awayand the kidsi’d take them tooand we could all go to a retreatin the woodswith a high energy sitter who happens to drive a tractorand keeps backhoes and bulldozers handy for serious excavationand the kids could dig a tunnelor 200and create a [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, Favorites, home, Jen Writes, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kids, unpaid work, writingMay 8, 2009
Sweaty dish-balls…
Okay, I know it’s petty but I’ve got to talk about it for a minute. Just a minute. Dishes. First of all, it’s ridiculously difficult to wash the dishes, wash A dish, when there’s a one year old climbing in and out of the dishwasher. We are always on a backward schedule of dish cycles, where I have to unload to reload to make room in the kitchen to even make dinner. Second of all, what exactly does my husband DO when he runs the dishwasher? I have yet to spy on his setting choices, and the amount of soap [...]
Read More in home, Sarah Writes, unpaid workI’ve been so indecisive about my emotions this week. The weather’s been rainy, and so have I. I feel a sour melting of my heart with every wish for bedtime, for alone time, for peace and quiet. I love my kids, I do. But it takes a special lens to find joy in the every day, the every need, the feeding, cleaning, teaching that is my every moment when I am at home. There is solace in work, even if I often loathe the tasks that are stacked before me, or the sheer volume of space it takes in my [...]
Read More in motherhood, paid work, Sarah Writes, three kids, unpaid workTwo nights ago Jamis suggested that I read Ethan a book before bed. Ethan is one. I can recall only 5 nights that my husband or I have read to him at bedtime. Flashback to 2002. Jamis is four months old and Dan and I have fallen into a routine of dinner, bath, books, bottle, bed. We alternate nights. We glide in the rocker, happy baby tucked into our laps. We read 1o books, sing 3 songs and crush him with kisses. He smiles. He drifts off to sleep. We walk through a clean and orderly house. Fall on the [...]
Read More in boys, Favorites, motherhood, Sarah Writes, sex, siblings, three kids, youngest childI think I might get a little mushy this morning. I’m not privy to mush and goo and all things cutesy and sweet; however, many of my posts thus far have hinted that I am not happy with my life, with my role as the mother of three, as the keeper of chaos. That is not the case at all and I need to remind myself of that on days like these when I wake up and everything seems just right. The baby slept through the night. The middle (problem) child is happy and positive. The oldest child is entertained, [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 30, 2009
In response to Dr. Sears, Mommy Burnout, and the fight I had with my husband this morning
I am so terrifically mad at my husband right now that I want to spit. I shouldn’t even be writing about this here. It’s not a place to give people the wrong impression that I live with a terrible person or something. That’s not the case, so please take it as only a moment in time, a moment in my mind that I absolutely must purge before it throws me down under where I can’t think of anything else, where I breathe anger, eat anger and cry anger. And please be kind enough to deal with the run-on sentences, as [...]
Read More in boys, Favorites, health, motherhood, paid work, relationship, Sarah Writes, sex, three kids, unpaid work, workPeople are messy. Kids are messier. In the course of cleaning a child up, another large mess is made. Example: bath time – in my house – every night! It’s inevitable that there will be spills and falls, sticky messes, muddy messes, bloody messes. The very thought of all the cleaning is exhausting. You clean the sink – 10 minutes later someone leaves a glob of toothpaste or a big, green boog smack dab in the middle of your cloroxed beauty. You mop the floor – a dog and three boys pounce through with muddy feet, only to turn around [...]
Read More in home, middle child, Sarah Writes, unpaid workApril 16, 2009
A letter to a friend
Meg, I am absolutely thrilled in every way to find out that you are, by golly, finally pregnant!!! Yay! Wahoo! Skideedle Dat! (that sounded cool in my head) I have to say that I was kind of stunned and amazed to hear the news last night. I certainly wasn’t expecting it. It was so nonchalant how you offered up the information. We’d been talking about my three boys and the craziness here, about work and schedules and springtime and then you just quietly dropped it in. Even now, I’m making my “long face” with my jaw dropped, my eyes first [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesI take so many risks. I’m not sure if the risks I take now as a parent of three are greater or more severe than the risks I took as a parent of one (or two) OR if it just appears that way because the things I thought were risky back then are part of my very very every day now. Some things just are not safe, like leaving a kid alone with the knife set, the hair clippers, the nail clippers, or the play-doh. Other things are not so simple. Seemingly mundane decisions can be the riskiest of all. [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 12, 2009
Why is today ANY different?
I’ve been awake for 12 minutes and discovered that I entirely missed the Easter morning Egg Hunt and Jelly Bean search. The boys have apparently searched and searched again and had their fun. And now it’s done. Jamis is downloading skeeball on to my iPhone, oh joy. My mother and her partner, D, are reading the paper. Dan is on his computer and when I talk to him he doesn’t even look away to face me – seems the sun is shining right in his eyes when he does, so why bother? Max is watching Tom & Jerry, but at [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, sleep, three kids, unpaid workApril 11, 2009
My Complete Inability to Make a Commitment to My Job: How Busy Does This Little Bee Want to Be???
I took a day off work two days ago to BE. Just to be. With my sister. To talk and eat and laugh and BE. It was fantastic, even though my mind was muddy and felt quite separate from my body. It is absolutely amazing in every way that the body can produce so much mucus. I’ve decided that I would much rather wipe my kids’ noses and coax them to blow OUT than to be inconvenienced by my own cold. That’s just awful, isn’t it? Am I wishing sickness upon my kids? Well, no, of course not. It’s just [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, paid work, Sarah Writes, three kids, workApril 2, 2009
Body Image
So Dan and I were watching something on tv about this incredibly IN-SHAPE woman who is training for yet another crazy event – the Ironman, I believe – and coincidentally I have a friend training for the same thing. Go friend! It was a motivating story about one woman’s accomplishments, dreams, ambitions and drive. Most of all her drive, I guess. What drive! To put not only your body through the rigors of exercise, the tiresome schedule of double and triple workouts in a day, but even more so your mind. The resolve – that your brain must (MUST) tell [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 2, 2009
Inner Dialogue GET OUT
I don’t really talk to myself that often but I think I should start. Like I just walked in the house and said SHOWER. Yes, Sarah. Take a fucking shower. Your sinuses are blocked and your fingers are tingling cuz you’re freezing and a shower will do you good. Forgo those fucking dishes in the sink, the grocery list, and the laundry. I turned the corner to head upstairs and then I said EAT SOMETHING. (there’s a muffin in the toaster right now) So it’s like this – instead of talking out loud to make a list or directing your [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 2, 2009
From Two to Three
Sinus backup. I’ve got a cluster in my sinus – but it’s worked its way into my brain and I feel completely inept right now. I’m supposed to be working and then cleaning up the house and then heading to the grocery store. Instead I am an absolute lump. Maybe I should just let my body fold into sleep and give up until the afternoon – when I will be forced back into motherhood and household duties. But I keep thinking about three kids. I dropped the little ones off at the sitter’s this morning and reveled in the candor [...]
Read More in Favorites, health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kids, workMarch 30, 2009
Late Night Snacking
I’m not sure if a bowl of leftover pinwheels dripping with smart balance, sprinkled with parmesan, is what you’d call a “late night snack” but that’s what I just wolfed down as I casually read through some blogs. That and the piece of hearty bread slathered with same smart balance. Shit, where’s the booze to go with it? Oh yeah, red wine season is out. Margaritas coming back in style again soon, I hope. So what’s with the eating, I say? I ask myself. I say, self, what’s with the damn eating. What void are you trying to fill. What [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 26, 2009
Profundity
I have come to the realization that I don’t have anything really profound to say. Life, in itself, is profound; my thoughts about living it are more dirt and grit, mundane, absolute in their necessity. My achievement today is making dinner out of nothing much. I haven’t been to the grocery store for anything more than the bare necessities in nearly a month. A month. I can’t even get to the grocery store. I can’t remember to brush my teeth on a Sunday Morning, or change the laundry, or pick up a friend’s kid at school. There’s so much I [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, Sarah Writes, sleep, three kidsMarch 26, 2009
Spring
Oh my gosh my goodness my glory it’s spring. Thank u spring. Thank u sunshine. I’ve been huddled in a cloud of looming desperation for weeks. Often taking the time to research in-network shrinks but never making the call – I knew that I’d begin to feel this rebirth soon. And now it’s all coming back to me. A feeling of youth. Energy. Equilibrium. The first days of cold brought the toasty hibernation of steaming fires and bold-flavored wine. Then gave way to that bitter cold. I felt sunken – drowned under for so many weeks. But this is the [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kids, unpaid workMarch 23, 2009
Droopy
I’m just too droopy today. Is it because it’s Monday? I dunno. No, no. I think it’s the contacts I’m wearing today. They are making everything appear a little cloudy. Cloudy — droopy. They go together. So here’s the story about the glasses. Dan and I were cuddled on the couch Saturday night watching Twilight under a big huge down comforter. Crow Crow goes the baby over and over again. Okay, I’ll get him a bottle (good god, he’s GOT to stick to a pattern of sleeping through the night!) I crawled back into the cocoon of the comforter. Since [...]
Read More in mind/body, motherhood, relationship, Sarah Writes, sexMarch 19, 2009
A Spoonful of Sugar
Dan and I sat on the couch researching double bike trailers for a bit and then he drifted to the office to do some work. Ugh, work, even the word makes me feel like drooling and shutting down. But he’s not as tied to the need to completely veg after the kids are asleep as I am. So he plops down into the leather office chair, and I can hear the air being forced from the cushion and the familiar settling sound his body makes before the computer, the wheels rolling about to get into work position. Ugh. Work. And [...]
Read More in motherhood, paid work, Sarah Writes, three kidsMarch 18, 2009
Jury Duty
So I had jury duty today. No comment.I’m home now and just got off the treadmill. Trying to reacclimate my body to lunges and crunches and the whomp whomp foot pattern of the treadmill is like another full-time job. I feel invigorated by my run and grateful for the new TV in the basement which allowed me to distract myself from heavy breathing and sticky lips and head straight into the overly dramatic lives of the girls on The L Word. I have nothing and everything to say, and all at once, or not at all. I think I need [...]
Read More in health, motherhood, paid work, Sarah Writes, three kids, unpaid workMarch 14, 2009
Confusion
Dan left for the city. I’m home again with the three boys. Another day and night and day of meals and snacks and naps – and questions, needs and threats. It seems there are so many of these days, where I am fighting the battle of parenthood alone and just trying to keep it all together. Telling myself to breathe and running little inspirational sayings through my brain like a trumpeted march. “Live your Best Life, Live your BEST Life, Live your Best LIFE.” Yes, I’m a little embarassed to say that I’ve picked up Oprah’s favorite message and used [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kids, unpaid work