Maybe I just crumble when I reach this level of stress. Maybe I’m just not made for it. Maybe the fact that I’m prone to extremes impedes my ability to handle anything at all when I’m stressed as much as I am right now. Life has tides. I get that. I get the up and I get the down and I get the static–I’m always grateful for the static–but still, it wears a woman out to be moving around so much. Can life be blurry and clear at the same time? I took about a year to figure myself out [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMay 1, 2012
Double Rainbow
January 13, 2012
Needing to need
“You might want to say awesome.” Words straight out of my 3-year-old’s mouth. Apparently I didn’t praise her quickly enough–in this case for getting herself dressed. Or maybe it wasn’t the getting dressed itself, rather the choice of clothing: A fleece pullover of dinosaur print that, not so incidentally, has a matching fleece dinosaur-print hat, complete with stegasaurus-like spikes. She was getting dressed for school–an event that happens only twice per week–and I gathered that she’d been planning the ensemble for some time. Sweetie and I have laughed about this particular sentence spoken by our spirited and strong-willed daughter, who [...]
Read More in GG, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, three kids, writing, youngest childFebruary 20, 2011
Weathering the present
I have just about had enough of winter. On the eve of what is predicted to be a “quick storm,” resulting in four to six more inches of snow on our already blanketed yard, the magic of the glistening white branches is over for me. I want to be able to open my back door and send the kids outside without having to bundle them up or respond to snow up the sleeve, down the collar, in the boot. I want to be able to clean my house–yes, I just said that–without people underfoot everywhere I go (undoing my work [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsFebruary 13, 2011
Glimpses
I catch them more often these days: A 10-year-old boy in the library, curled up reading, oblivious to the children (three of them mine) playing and running around him. A mother dropping off her children–all of them–at school in the morning and getting back into her minivan. Alone. My son on a playdate that lasts through dinner. The changes and growth of children–all children–are suddenly more at the center of my vision. I see other families whose childrens’ lives are starting to take on their own directions. I spend (a little) more time with just a subset of all of [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, oldest child, three kidsNovember 5, 2010
Change happens when I’m not watching
Embracing motherhood has meant, for me, That in every moment, every day (if i just open my eyes and allow myself to see it) change is everywhere: growth, moods, needs. And when I feel most lost or ready to jump and cry throw up my hands and scream A lesson is learned. A hurdle scaled. A child surprises us both. It’s Six Word Fridays! For more, visit Making Things Up.
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsSeptember 6, 2010
Reflections
This morning, I looked up from scrubbing the bathroom sink to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Glasses slipping down my nose. Hair pulled back in a messy bun that highlighted my grey streak. I did a lot of housework today. It feels important to me that B go off to school tomorrow from a clean house. And so there I was, spray bottle in one hand and paper towel in the other, bent over the white pedestal sink wondering if the hardened peanut butter would ever come unglued from the faucet when, wait, there I was. In [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, oldest child, three kidsAugust 24, 2010
Three in a bed
We sleep together A toddler between us And I am happy Her toes at my knees Your toes touching mine And I realize I am good at this now This parenting at night Better than I was when we were in so deep for so long The years of nights stretching out from the long days No guaranteed hours of quiet The resisting being needed The resentment of being needed And now together this rare night of a child between us I lay half asleep rubbing her back listening to you breathe and sigh And I think again I know [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, relationship, sleep, three kids, youngest childJune 20, 2010
Loyalty.
I spent this past basketball season becoming a True Celtics Fan. With Sweetie, I watched nearly every televised game, up to and including Game 7 of the finals, the scrappy match against the Lakers that ended the Celts’ season just short of them having achieved the crowning glory of the title. Sweetie is a longstanding Celtics fan, and on game nights we would put the kids to bed and tune in. From pregame to postgame and the halftime analysis in between, I watched and listened beside him, as I have for years. I don’t know why this year was different. [...]
Read More in Dad, history aka before kids, home, Jen Writes, relationship, three kidsMarch 9, 2010
Last Saturday
A family breakfast of crepes and scrambled eggs. Grapefruit and coffee. A walk to the library to return books and take out videos. Lunch together. A houseful of blankets washed and hung to dry on the clothesline, drooping from a winter of ice and snow. A bike ride for B, S and Sweetie; a long nap for E; and reading on the porch for me. Catching up with neighbors after months of a housebound season. PJs before dinner, which has been cooking all day in the Crock-Pot, filling the house with the aromas of Indian spices. *** I came to [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsMarch 6, 2010
Spring Again
I am ready for Spring. I am ready for fresh and new and change and glee. Grass that greens under the soft, bare feet of my three boys. Sprinklers to chill us on the warm days and mist us on the hot ones. I am ready for bouncing through the air as if swept up with the breeze. I am ready to be unleashed. Unlocked. There are glimpses of it here and there in our mixed up, messy New England weather. And there are glimpses of the freedom that warmth and sunshine bring: walks to the playground that don’t require [...]
Read More in mind/body, Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 6, 2010
There comes a time when the yelling has to stop
I rocked my 7-year-old boy in my arms, his long body hanging off mine, flowing onto the white down comforter and the well-worn green flannel sheets that wrapped the mattress of my own childhood bed. How can he be so big? It’s not fair that I can’t curl him into me anymore. I sat and held him while he sobbed. I felt the release of his cares and his worry–his constant awareness of the expectations he can never seem to meet. Our expectations. “The little boys take a lot of work, don’t they?” I asked. “Yeah,” he muttered. “It’s crazy [...]
Read More in oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 12, 2010
(un)stuck
Yesterday I was cruising along in my car singing the Pussycat Dolls. It was the middle of the work day and I was being a good girl and doing the bank run. I hate to do the bank run. What’s fun about depositing tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars into accounts that are not yours? Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s rather depressing, actually. But I was rather content with the day. Just for being. Thank you, day, for being what you are sometimes. Another chance. Upon leaving the bank I noticed a puddle in the parking lot. My van [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kids