True: I thought of the perfect six-word post while driving familiar roads on the way home from school with (only!) one child behind me and my thoughts (almost) to myself. Also true: I cannot recreate perfect or even, now, something vaguely similar to the six words that flowed line after line in exact representation of how I’ve been feeling today (low, sorry for myself, weepy even). Truest: I have so very much. Truest of all: Perfect doesn’t exist. (And that’s worth remembering every day.)
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsDecember 2, 2011
True, though so far from perfect
November 19, 2011
In which I contemplate a non-traditional holiday card
How is it that in a year’s worth of photos I have so very few of all three of my children together? And that in not one of those photos are all children smiling or looking at the camera or even fully in the frame? The good news is that if I wanted to send out a more non-traditional photo, I have plenty to choose from: (Hey, at least there’s an actual child of mine in that last photo.) So, what are you doing for a holiday card this year?
Read More in holidays, home, Jen Writes, parenthood, three kidsFebruary 20, 2011
Weathering the present
I have just about had enough of winter. On the eve of what is predicted to be a “quick storm,” resulting in four to six more inches of snow on our already blanketed yard, the magic of the glistening white branches is over for me. I want to be able to open my back door and send the kids outside without having to bundle them up or respond to snow up the sleeve, down the collar, in the boot. I want to be able to clean my house–yes, I just said that–without people underfoot everywhere I go (undoing my work [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsFebruary 7, 2011
On this day …
John Deere is somewhat of a celebrity in our house. The tractor lust that started about the same time my son was able to sit upright and peer over the edge of his stroller continues to this day, six years later. So I shouldn’t have been surprised at the enthusiasm with which he announced over the weekend that John Deere’s birthday is February 7. That’s right, today. Apparently, B has been holding tight to this knowledge since a few days after Christmas, when he completed reading the John Deere biography given to him by Santa. I’m not sure what he [...]
Read More in boys, Jen Writes, oldest child, three kidsOctober 19, 2010
Part of the reason I was a little late to work today
Read More in Jen Writes, paid work
October 12, 2010
This is my Life: Baby Fever
Still life with naked babies At last count, there were more than 30 baby dolls in my house. I honestly don’t know how we got to this point or why all of them are naked. But so it is, and I offer you a sampling of their names: Po Po Baby Noisy New Baby Sunny Moony Rocky (perhaps we should formally introduce Jamis to Baby Rocky?) Flower Big Baby (not to be confused with Celtics player #11) Corey Wilco Baby Sister Baby Brother Harper Vanessa Panessa
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsSeptember 22, 2010
Making the most of things
Today I ran out of gas. For which I have no excuse–other than my poor math skills–gas lights being what they are in modern vehicles. While I made a rescue-request call to Sweetie, who was working less than a mile away, my girls laughed at me. When I hung up the phone, I laughed, too. It was kind of funny. And we were safe. And close to home. We could easily have walked home or to a nearby gas station. But while we waited for Daddy’s Roadside Service, the girls entertained each other in our cavernous minivan (E didn’t even [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, oldest child, relationship, siblings, sisters, three kidsSeptember 19, 2010
“Son, when can you ever stop asking me questions?”
I have come to dread a certain kind of question, inevitably posed by my oldest—my 6-year-old impatient inquisitive son. I offer a recent smattering: “Mom, when can we go to the park?” “Mom, when can you change the batteries in my helicopter?” “Mom, when can you help me find my socks?” “Mom, when can we ever go to the park?” “Mom, when can you change the batteries in my walkie talkie?” “Mom, when can I have a snack?” “Mom, when can I have a playdate with Sam again?” “Mom, when can you help me with my Legos?” “Mom, when can [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, oldest child, three kidsSeptember 16, 2010
Intentional Happiness Virgin
Until now, Intentional Happiness has been Sarah’s realm. But, well, she’s super busy being the super designer that she is. Just this week, she finished another fabulous site makeover. (Check out Never-True Tales). And, since she’s preparing for her third-annual Reach the Beach roadrelayforcrazypeoplethingy, I offered to share some of my own happiness today. Here goes: My two older kids have cameras, courtesy of GG. They use them frequently. They sneak up on me and click lovely shots (that I could have deleted upon downloading their images, mind you). They do a house-wide study in still life. They take beautiful [...]
Read More in !!!, home, Jen Writes, middle child, motherhood, oldest child, three kidsSeptember 12, 2010
This is My Life: And it’s never all tidy at once
On the second day of school, I spent the morning cleaning my first-grader’s room. Thoroughly. While I was in there, the girls played in their room. Or maybe played isn’t exactly the right word.
Read More in housework, Jen Writes, middle child, motherhood, oldest child, three kids, youngest childSeptember 8, 2010
I lost my internal compass again
It’s happening. That summer ending thing. That school starting thing. Those new beginnings. Time presses on and I stumble to catch up. Every season. I’m looking through pictures of my boys. Of summer. I’m nostalgic before a season has even completely passed. How can this be? The pictures arm me with goodness and light. They shower me with feelings of happiness and erase that sinking feeling of guilt that I am failing them, that I don’t enjoy them enough, that I’m not appreciating how quickly it all passes. I’m stuck in between the seasons. The sun still beating down and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesAugust 27, 2010
Family dinner out at Joe’s Pizza.
Please bring us two ginger ales And one small glass of water That looks like a ginger ale Because this little one sitting here Wants everything her older siblings have. She can’t possibly wait three years. But I’m not ready for soda In the hands of my baby And so I thank you, waitress, For the glass with ice, straw That satisfies my toddler’s need. (And makes dinner out easier, too.)
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, three kids, youngest childAugust 22, 2010
“They store up liquids like a water tower.”
“In case we disappear for a few days. Ya know?” Sarah wrote this in an e-mail to me, in response to my continued amazement at the liquid intake of my son. She and I each have a child who consumes copious amounts of liquid. Juice cups are filled and refilled throughout the day. Thermoses are constantly on hand. And while I sincerely hope there is no correlation between their intake of apple juice and water now to the amount of alcohol they ingest in their teen years, it really is remarkable to witness. It’s also extremely irritating. No matter what, [...]
Read More in birthday, health, home, Jen Writes, middle child, mind/body, motherhood, oldest child, three kids, youngest childAugust 16, 2010
on the airplane: leaving and coming home again
She lays her head on the hard metal armrest, feels her back pulled and pushed in ways that are nowhere near comfortable. Her spine is wrapped around the bump between the seats. She cups her hands and rubs her face and tries to wash away this angst she feels. The coming and going in her life. Excitedly leaving the children and their messes behind. Anxiously anticipating her return to it all. To the comfort they bring her. To the comfort of knowing exactly who she is when she is at home, with them, with their messes. She closes her eyes [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesAugust 9, 2010
enough
what i want to write is this: I AM ENOUGH but this is how i feel: i’m afraid i’ll never write another decent stream of words in my life i’m afraid i’ll never be able to hang on to the feeling of calm that a kickass conversation with a close friend brings i’m afraid i’ll get lost in the dirty, boring details–the laundry, the bills, the organizing, scheduling, remembering of life i’m afraid i’ll lose track of where i am and where i wanted to be and all that will remain is a washed-up woman with three children and a [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsAugust 1, 2010
Budget Shopping
I am a pro at stretching a dollar, scrimping on the grocery bill, making dinner out of what’s in the cabinets. We wear hand-me overs, hand-me downs and last year’s pants, calling them capris. But sometimes it’s nice to go on a shopping spree. So yesterday, the kids and I hit the dollar store for a few needs and wants. We found something for everyone: 1 hairbrush 1 fabric headband 1 rubber ball 2 hair clips 4 barrettes 4 plastic fighter jets 5 bungee cords 6 sponges 90 miniature Army men Total cost: $10.63 My hair is brushed and out [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsJuly 24, 2010
This is My Life: Laundry quandry
Almost every day is laundry day. Especially in the summer time, because we hang all of our laundry to dry. So today, I put out a load of towels before we went on a few errands. (Farmer’s Market; Trader Joes.) When we returned, a few hours later, the sun was shining and the towels were dry. I went upstairs to put the littlest one down for her nap, and when I came downstairs the skies were gray and rain was pouring down. Question: Do I rewash the towels or just let them (re)dry and pretend the brief rainstorm never happened [...]
Read More in chores, housework, Jen Writes, unpaid workJuly 23, 2010
Together (inevitably)
July 19, 2010
On my mind last week.
I couldn’t seem to pull it together last week. I kept trying to write, but I was having trouble staying focused. I think I have too much on my mind lately. Here’s a few of the things that I dwelled on long enough to jot down as ideas but that never quite made it any farther than a sentence or two in post form: It is a foregone conclusion that the needs of a certain child in my household always seem to come before everyone elses, regardless of the circumstances. Why did I dream of an explosion leaping out of [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, three kids, unpaid work, writingJuly 5, 2010
green sweatshirt
I folded laundry last night and picked up the green, hooded sweatshirt the one that zips up the front, isn’t too cushy, and has highlighted both the blue and brown eyes of my two youngest boys I think it’s days are numbered this favorite piece of clothing and yet I am not ready to pack it away in the attic graveyard Then I remembered all the times yesterday I said something like this “It’ll be easier when they are all older. When they are all 5 and up.” I’m pushing and pulling at time all at once thinking of time [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJune 25, 2010
Goals.
They used to be much bigger. Write novel. Have baby (or three). Now, to do dishes after dinner I feel achievement unlike any other. I want to strive for more.
Read More in chores, history aka before kids, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kids, writingJune 21, 2010
Delinquent, but very thankful, me.
Dear Everyone Who Has Given Me or One of My Children a Gift During the Past, Oh, Say, Two-and-a-half Years, Thank you. I meant to write a thank-you note. I really did. In fact, I even drafted one. (In my head.) I used to be really very good at thank-you notes. I am a firm believer in thank-you notes. And yet. Somehow, the thank-you note is one of the things that has fallen by the wayside in this life of mine. This life. Of three kids. But, I am grateful for your generosity. Your thoughtfulness. On holidays. And birthdays. Sometimes, [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, three kids, unpaid workJune 16, 2010
Life is a Carousel
I have to stop trying to figure out how to slow it down or make it stop And simply cherish the ride even if I get dizzy more than I’d like
Read More in Sarah WritesJune 11, 2010
10 Things That Happen at My House Almost Daily
1. Pee on the floor. 2. Coffee delivered to me from my Sweetie, whether I’m in the shower, changing a diaper or still in bed. 3. All three children yelling for me at the same time. (MomMamaMommy! anyone?) 4. Not getting to the phone in time to hear who’s calling. 5. Snacks prepared by me and consumed by my children. 6. Food on the floor (and the walls). 7. More than one child saying, “I love you, Mom(MamaMommy).” 8. Laughing. 9. Laundry. In some form or another. 10. Possibility: Five people living together. Happily. Humbled.* * This last one here [...]
Read More in chores, home, housework, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsJune 8, 2010
Mid-Disaster
Max throws a cup at me and screams “I want juice!” Ethan climbs onto the kitchen counter and stands on his tippy toes, rummaging through the snack bin. Jamis says, “Mom, Mom, did you hear me?” for the third time. And then, “I asked you three times.” Excuse me, I think to myself, doesn’t that make for six requests? For the same thing? The phone rings. I answer it. It’s my husband on the line. He needs something, too. I pull Ethan off the counter and walk out of the kitchen, down the hall, trying to find some quiet to [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesMay 14, 2010
I had this body
I had this body I had abs A navel pierced with a tiny silver ring I had an ass that didn’t move up and down when I ran (I had this body that ran) I had a waist that fit into skinny jeans and thighs that fit, too I had this body before I had children this body that has slipped away become something else after the third child or because I’m getting older I can’t say, really But I had this body and I wish I had appreciated it more when it was mine (mine alone) Because now it [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, mind/body, motherhood, three kidsMay 8, 2010
Popsicles and the parade that wasn’t: Revisited
As we’re gearing up for Five for Ten, I’ve decided to repost some oldies this week. Need a refresher on Five for Ten? Just go hang out in the sidebar over there. You can find the rules and our topics and even link up! I’ll see you back here on the 10th! ********** The Three Popsicle Day (originally published May 23, 2009) We don’t go on too many weekend family outings, because on the days that I am home, J works (and vice versa). So this morning, when I was standing in the center of our little town at 9:56 [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, repost, three kidsApril 7, 2010
Top Tips: A Sampling
There are things we all wished we’d known before we had kids. Things we wish other mothers had told us about. Things beyond “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Things like, sometimes squeezing in a shower is an accomplishment more satisfying than your greatest professional achievement. So, we’ve decided to offer up some tips of our own. A brief glimpse at the many things we’ve learned since becoming moms–in most cases since becoming moms of three. Here’s what we have for you this time, in no particular order at all: 1. Say Yes to your kids as often as you can. [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, Sarah Writes, three kidsApril 6, 2010
Familiarity
I wish I could have written what Amanda wrote over the weekend. Her post on looking in the mirror reflects so much of what I’ve been feeling lately. I am so grateful to have found Amanda’s blog, with her gorgeously written posts about a life that is so familiar to me I feel as if I am looking in a mirror just taking in her words. And, after getting lost in her writing, I find myself asking If so many of us are feeling the same way Then why is it so often that we feel alone?
Read More in body image, home, Jen Writes, mind/body, motherhood, three kidsMarch 18, 2010
This is My Life: Sunbathing
Don’t be alarmed. It is not ME who is sunbathing. But on this nice, sunny day, a dear member of the family enjoyed the day in the sun (after a thorough spin in the washing machine). Ah, spring.
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsMarch 15, 2010
Struggling for time
Loud music. And 23 minutes on the dinner timer. Means I have time to sit down at my computer for a moment. Should I be with the rest of the family? Together in the other room. Enjoying the loud music, even louder in there. I am torn. I can actually feel the internal pulling. The I Shoulds: Family. I should be enjoying this time with them. Dancing. Goofing around. Singing to loud music. Taking in their smiles and their little bodies moving freely. Against. The I Wants: Time. Time is what I want. Time to form a complete thought and [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kids, writingMarch 11, 2010
Need some advice
Okay, friends. Today’s post is not about pretty writing and aha! moments. I need some advice. Here are the details: On Monday afternoon I took the boys to the grocery store. There was a sale on Crayola products in the aisle of the frozen foods section. Go figure. In an effort to quiet the beasts, I tossed three items in the cart: some crayons, markers and colored pencils. Upon leaving the store my 7-year-old, Jamis, made a weak and false attempt at helping me load the groceries into the car. It was all so that he could just find and [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesMarch 9, 2010
Last Saturday
A family breakfast of crepes and scrambled eggs. Grapefruit and coffee. A walk to the library to return books and take out videos. Lunch together. A houseful of blankets washed and hung to dry on the clothesline, drooping from a winter of ice and snow. A bike ride for B, S and Sweetie; a long nap for E; and reading on the porch for me. Catching up with neighbors after months of a housebound season. PJs before dinner, which has been cooking all day in the Crock-Pot, filling the house with the aromas of Indian spices. *** I came to [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsMarch 2, 2010
Thanks for noticing me
So there I am, loading the kids into the truck. Tying balloons onto car seats so they make it home from the birthday party. Fastening buckles. Unwrapping Smarties and Dum Dums for the short ride to Geege’s house. Rearranging the bags in the front seat so there is room for me to sit and drive. Chattering to the kids. Answering their questions. Finding their sippy cups. As far as loading in goes, this is a successful venture. A car pulls up. A window rolls down. I catch it all in the corner of my eye. “Everything OK, Jen? You need [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, motherhood, three kidsFebruary 27, 2010
This is My Life: Short-Order Cook
“Mom, for breakfast can I have French toast, a sunny side up egg and a sunny side down egg?” I’d have included a photo here, but the meal was devoured before I could locate my camera.
Read More in home, Jen Writes, oldest childFebruary 25, 2010
This is my life: My boys, My heart
Little boys are little boys are little boys are…cute. Want-to-eat-you-up cute. Want-to-bury-you-in-the-couch-cushions cute. Want-to-make-a-fort-and-hide-in-it-with-you-forever cute. My boys are rough and tumble. My boys are sweet. My boys are unafraid and loud, quirky and energetic. They are all mine, and I am nothing but lucky. And when I think I’m missing out on something by being a mama of all boys, only boys, boys-all-the-time boys, not-a-pink-dress-in-sight boys, I can look at these photos and sweetly smile and say, “Yeah, this is my life. And it’s a great, great life.” Look at my little George Washington in the bottom right-hand corner. Oh [...]
Read More in boys, Sarah Writes, three kidsFebruary 11, 2010
I wish I had more for you, but this is all I got today
(i wish i had more for you but my brain can’t handle any more than this and i’m okay with that because as jen says “motherhood is hard, yo” and these words just have to be good enough for now) my brain is swirling whirling disappearing and coming back around to itself there are lists and tasks and chores and goals i have to do and meet and be the exhaustion is pushed away by caffeine and kid-chasing, but it’s still there and i get weary of worrying if i’m keeping perspective on life, my life, this life somewhere underneath [...]
Read More in motherhood, Sarah WritesFebruary 6, 2010
There comes a time when the yelling has to stop
I rocked my 7-year-old boy in my arms, his long body hanging off mine, flowing onto the white down comforter and the well-worn green flannel sheets that wrapped the mattress of my own childhood bed. How can he be so big? It’s not fair that I can’t curl him into me anymore. I sat and held him while he sobbed. I felt the release of his cares and his worry–his constant awareness of the expectations he can never seem to meet. Our expectations. “The little boys take a lot of work, don’t they?” I asked. “Yeah,” he muttered. “It’s crazy [...]
Read More in oldest child, Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 29, 2010
I am (finally?) the person everybody wants to be around
My 1-year-old stands beside the couch patting the cushion, motioning me to sit down instead of pick up old pretzel chunks from the floor. And if I sit she will heft her solid little body up next to me, crawl on top of me, and stay. (For about 10 seconds.) My 5-year-old waits. Waits. Playing with a truck. Or sitting on his bed rubbing Theo’s ear. I don’t know. But he waits. For me to turn off the shower. And before I can reach for a towel I hear, “Mama? Mom?” My 4-year-old asks if I will “suggle” with her [...]
Read More in home, Jen Writes, motherhood, three kids, unpaid workJanuary 27, 2010
This is my life: Three Wild Boys
This video really says it all but I can’t resist adding a few words–after all, I’m a word girl. On more than one occasion I’ve had people come to our house and stand in the hallway afraid to step foot in the living room. They witness boys literally bouncing off walls, off each other, the floor, the couch, the puppy. I know what they are thinking: that I have absolutely no control over my kids and I let them run rampant and how on Earth can I allow this behavior to continue. No wonder I look so tired, no wonder [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 16, 2010
Humbled
How can I sit in my HOUSE, look around at my THINGS and want MORE? When there are people who have nothing, have lost everything and don’t even know if their loved ones are alive? Why, so often, does it take the worst to make me appreciate all that I have. This amazing family. A safe, warm, happy home. Friends. My sister. The other night I watched a documentary about the Young at Heart Chorus, a group of men and women whose average age is 80 (or older!) who perform across the world. They sing songs by the Ramones, James [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kidsJanuary 12, 2010
(un)stuck
Yesterday I was cruising along in my car singing the Pussycat Dolls. It was the middle of the work day and I was being a good girl and doing the bank run. I hate to do the bank run. What’s fun about depositing tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars into accounts that are not yours? Nothing. Nothing at all. It’s rather depressing, actually. But I was rather content with the day. Just for being. Thank you, day, for being what you are sometimes. Another chance. Upon leaving the bank I noticed a puddle in the parking lot. My van [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kidsJanuary 7, 2010
A Writer’s Life?
How much of my life should I reveal here? Where do I draw the line regarding what personal details or thoughts or doubts to include? Does leaving myself vulnerable make me naive? Negligent? Irresponsible? To myself? To others whose lives are inseparable from my own? But. How can I be authentic without sometimes being vulnerable? These are some of the questions that arise again and again. And the answers are no closer to the surface. I know that I will not post photos. Or use names. I will not reveal any identifying details about where I live. Perhaps you could [...]
Read More in Jen Writes, three kids, writingJanuary 6, 2010
The Receipt
With a play cash register, some plastic food, a marker, a small pad of paper and a reusable grocery bag, my children started the day playing. Together. A grocery store. A list. Shopping. They played in one room as I sat in another, drinking coffee, listening to their imaginations float through to me. I smiled. I laughed. I made a grocery list for them. They were the cashier and the customer. They called for a price check and a cleanup in aisle 9, or their own equivalent of each. I tuned out and tuned in as I sat, doing something, [...]
Read More in chores, home, Jen Writes, oldest child, siblings, three kidsDecember 29, 2009
The Life I Lead
I imagine a different life from time to time. I imagine a bank account with many zeroes. A larger house. Curtains that match. Walls that are painted with one swish of an arm. I imagine nooks and crannies elegantly decorated for comfort, inviting me to read a book with my children. Floor pillows I’ve had the time to sew. Meals homemade and nourishing–like my sister knows how to do. But it is a different life I lead right now. Rushed and harried. But not forever. And I am not alone. Some days are calm and flow with me. I can [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsDecember 28, 2009
Five for Fighting
There is so much fighting in this house that it makes me want to scream. No. It does make me scream. And then I’m only adding to the mess. Heightening it, actually. How are the children to learn self-discipline and composure when I’m flying off the handle? How are they to learn patience with sharing and learning when my husband has so little patience with them? It’s the same conundrum so many mothers face: I’m yelling at my kids to stop yelling. Oh the irony. The painful, not so simple, irony. And it just doesn’t seem to quit. No matter [...]
Read More in boys, Sarah Writes, three kidsDecember 22, 2009
Ten things you may not know: The physical me
I have only one ovary (and one fallopian tube) All of my other internal organs are in tact (as far as I know) My lips are not my own (but once they were) My heart has been broken (and is stronger for it) I have never broken a bone (but I have seen Sarah’s arm in a cast) My skin is finicky and dry and cracked (so I apply lotion many times every day) My hair turned grey after my dad died (in a stripe down the center of my head) I have lines around my eyes (that I just [...]
Read More in Jen WritesDecember 11, 2009
Breakable
[Audio clip: view full post to listen] There are certain things my husband just will not do. It amazes me that he has the resolve to walk away so easily. To leave something undone. Without guilt. Without a second thought. To leave it in my hands. My hands that are already exhausted by all that needs doing in life. The chores, the tasks, the mountains of laundry. The wiping of noses, the tying of laces, the dressing, feeding, caretaking of my mommy life. I am exhausted by the mere thought of it all, let alone the execution. Exhausted by trying [...]
Read More in Best of 2009, chores, fatherhood, housework, motherhood, relationship, Sarah Writes, Sarah's Favorites, three kidsLife isn’t easy. In fact, these days it’s terribly hard and terrifically stressful. I feel like I am tethered to my children. I’m only lucky enough to free myself so that they can go to school and daycare and I can go to a job that I…oh yeah, I fucking hate! So no, not so lucky after all. But aren’t the weekends supposed to be fun? Supposed to procure some form of relaxation? Some respite from the humdrum work week? Because they don’t. It’s just more obligation. More duties. More shit that needs to get done. Instead it’s unpaid shit [...]
Read More in Sarah WritesSeptember 29, 2009
Addendum to my life
I look around the house and see pieces of my life that need fixing every day. The toilet runs downstairs. The wallpaper is only half-finished. The trim fell off the vent. It needs to be painted. There are no pictures on the walls. There is no room here complete. I want a deck. I want a garden. I want a mud room that is functional. I need my own bathroom. I need my own closet. I need an addendum to my current life. Can we do that? Can we put an addition onto our lives while we are still living [...]
Read More in Sarah Writes, three kids