I never get flowers

by Sarah on September 2, 2010

I’m not sure if she planned to send me flowers once her site was complete, but she did.

The doorbell rings and the dog barks and I look out the glass door at a scruffy dude holding a small, green vase of brilliantly colored flowers. I assume he has the wrong house.

“You got the wrong house,” I say.

He scrutinizes a crumpled piece of paper and says, “Number 48?”

I nod. I look puzzled. He plucks the card from it’s spiky, plastic holder. I open the seal and read the words. I nod again. I sign. I go inside. I am filled with the !!! so intentionally sent in my direction.

It’s a beautiful thing when someone fills you with !!! When you are not walking around your life snapping photos of the moments, trying to remind yourself that it’s there, trying to create memories of the !!! in your mind so that tomorrow you won’t forget.

Today I am not thinking about being on the receiving end, not about what’s going to make me happy. Today I am thinking about what I can do to make someone else happy. It’s still important that I get some !!! in my life for ME. We all need more happiness, more joy, more !!! But the feeling of giving is !!! in itself.

Giving. To give. To give of yourself. Your time. Your kind words. Your embrace. Your support. We all have something to give, what do you have? What do you have today?

So go on, share some !!! with a friend. Make your kid’s day. Show your partner a little extra love. Be spontaneous, yet purposeful. Send flowers. Just because. They’ll mean the world.

!!!

So…

what makes you

Intentional Happiness

Link up or share some !!! with us in a comment.

Momalom !!! Bad Mommy Moments !!!

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Go Visit Christine

by Sarah on September 1, 2010

Please go visit my lovely friend Christine over at Coffees and Commutes! We launched her new site today and I am happy to have given her a fresh new space to call home.

I’ve had the privilege of meeting and spending some time with Christine and I can honestly say that she has a heart filled with love, and words that are just waiting to reach out and grab us. It has been an honor working with her to create this new site. We have a few things to finish up but we were excited to go live with the “new Christine.” I hope you enjoy the same sense of peace and calm from hanging around Coffees and Commutes that I do.

So GO GO GO.

!!!

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I’ll be honest. I have a lot to say when I’m standing in the shower or driving in the car. Even, if you can imagine, while reading a Buzz Lightyear book to the little boys before bed–snuggled in between them, hunkered down on the bottom bunk, Ethan wedged into the space between the mattress and the wall, Max clutching his favorite blue blankie. My eyes see the words, my lips read the words, but I don’t hear the story. I hear my own thoughts. They tumble around and they are good. But the story ends and so with it my thoughts. I kiss the boys and close the door and even though it’s my time now, I’m filled with thoughts of must-do’s and have-to’s, contemplating how I’ll fill the quiet that is finally resting in my home.

When I open up this space and sit here to write, there is nothing. I begin draft after draft after draft. There are dozens. Not one of them seems to be something I ought to say. They are too much or too little. Too many details or truths, or not enough. It’s all been said before, I think. Reflections on motherhood, balance, presence. Reflections on happiness, suffering, identity. I have nothing new. I have, it seems, nothing worthy to put out there anymore. I am preoccupied with our finances, running a household, and decreasing my workload. I am preoccupied with the reflection of my body in store windows and, if I can stomach it, my own mirror. I am preoccupied with how to get it all done. But there is too much to do I can’t get it all done. In many ways this leaves me feeling empty, even when I am so, so full, too full. So full I am empty. How can this be?

Leaving the pages of this space blank leaves me feeling even emptier. I want so badly to write because for me it is connecting. And I need that. But I have nothing worthwhile to say anymore. I am drifting. Leaving and coming back to myself time and time again. Perhaps it is the time of year–new beginnings, new routines. Perhaps it is my shocking self-awareness that I am struggling more with the I Am Enough premise than I ever would have thought. I don’t know. I’m tired of thinking about it. But I’m more tired of wanting to write and not being able to. And of feeling lonely. I’m really f**king tired of that, too.

I’m about ready to delete this draft, too. It seems meaningless and inconsequential–something you’d write in a diary. This isn’t my diary. But I’ll force myself to hit publish. Who knows, maybe it will start the ball rolling again. Rolling forward, not in circles or around the house or through the yard. Forward.

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Family dinner out at Joe’s Pizza.

August 27, 2010

Please bring us two ginger ales And one small glass of water That looks like a ginger ale Because this little one sitting here Wants everything her older siblings have. She can’t possibly wait three years. But I’m not ready for soda In the hands of my baby And so I thank you, waitress, For [...]

14 comments Read Me, Read Me →

Three in a bed

August 24, 2010

We sleep together A toddler between us And I am happy Her toes at my knees Your toes touching mine And I realize I am good at this now This parenting at night Better than I was when we were in so deep for so long The years of nights stretching out from the long [...]

14 comments Read Me, Read Me →

“They store up liquids like a water tower.”

August 22, 2010

“In case we disappear for a few days. Ya know?” Sarah wrote this in an e-mail to me, in response to my continued amazement at the liquid intake of my son. She and I each have a child who consumes copious amounts of liquid. Juice cups are filled and refilled throughout the day. Thermoses are [...]

28 comments Read Me, Read Me →

freedom under open skies !!!

August 19, 2010

Intentional Happiness Cape Cod Vacation Edition Sand worn by time and waves, so soft. Running into the blue, blue sky, fueled by sun and laughter. !!! Finding his sea legs, leaving the comfort of my lap. !!! Washing the sand away in an outdoor shower under an open sky. !!! Finding a heart-shaped rock, oh [...]

22 comments Read Me, Read Me →