I still love J lots and lots.
He still loves me.
We still like to take long walks and people watch.
I can still do a pretty decent job on the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.
Great friends and great food make for a great time and great memories.
I miss my kids when we aren’t together.
It’s nice to have a new shirt to wear every once in a while.
I can recognize and name all Celtics starters, even without the benefit of close-up television and Tommy Heinsohn’s commentary.
I may have completely lost the ability to sleep through the night, even when there are no children under my care.
My children missed me.
Even the best laid plans are subject to sabotage by cars breaking down (again).
I continue to be humbled by—and grateful for—the generosity of my “advisory team,” as I referred to all of you who helped in the planning. (Or, I was not the only person who had something vested in the success of this weekend.)
It takes a village to nurture a marriage.
And, life slaps you hard in the face when you get back to reality.
But it was worth every second.
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“It takes a village to nurture a marriage.”
Yes. Yes it does. And we are lucky to have a family of villagers. A familial village? And I really do hope that even if you couldn’t sleep through the night, and the movies were sold out, and you missed your kids, you really do feel it was worth every second. It was worth every mouth in my house – yelping and yapping and asking for snacks – to be able to help make it possible for you!
Now go harass that mechanic until he guarantees a working vehicle. I don’t want to hear anything more about how the model of your car just sucks. It’s his job to fix it dammit, and make it NOT suck.
Car towed.
Waiting to hear.
Planning next weekend already.
But, you first, dear.
It’s nice to miss your children and your life from time to time, isn’t it? I travel occasionally for work and always return with a new sense of affection for my children. My husband seems surprised that I don’t miss them or him on a daily basis, but sadly it’s hard to when you are in the thick of it all the time!
You two are an inspiration.
I was surprised by how much I missed my baby on Friday night. My arms felt so empty and cold. I recovered, of course. But I’m almost glad to have felt that loss. I am a firm believer in appreciating all that we have. And what better to appreciate the gifts than by living a day without them near.
Jen – I’m glad your weekend away brought you wonderful thoughts. Often we don’t think our kids miss us when we are gone, but they do. Often we don’t think we miss our family when we go away, but we do.
Sarah – glad you survived.
Thanks, Nicki. It was nice to reconnect with the pre-kid me and the pre-kid us! And, Sarah and Dan WERE BOTH cool as cucumbers when we arrived at their house on Sunday evening! (No surprise.)
Jen,
Glad you got away and had some time to breathe and eat and love.
Re-entry is always difficult…I recommend cocktails.
Breathe and eat and love. Yes.
Cocktails. YES. Bummer, though. None in the house.
But, the kids already are asleep, and it’s just now 7. So, not bad. Kind of like a non-alcoholic cocktail!
Much like Lindsey said, I never enjoy being with my boys as much as the moment immediately after I return from being away from them.
Your post is such a good reminder to me to nurture my relationship with my husband. After some dark moments in recent months, I’ve started to reconnect with myself (thank you, blogging!) and my kids, but now it’s Husband’s turn.
“It takes a village to nurture a marriage.” Yes. Thank you for that.
Welcome home, Jen.
Thanks, Kristen. It is SO important to nurture your relationship. And SO difficult to make the priority that it should be. But I do hope to be able to do this more often–get away, and swap kids with Sarah. It’s good for all 12 !!! of us.
I am glad you were given this opportunity for a much deserved reconnection/revitalization weekend. This post has inspired me to move a similar event for my husband and I up the priority list. (It was sadly quite low).
It’s funny how much you miss them while you’re away but how quickly they remind you upon your return of why you needed the break in the first place! Welcome back!
Oh, yes. They sure reminded me why I needed a break. OOh boy. I hope you get to do the same and take a weekend or an evening for yourselves. I hope to do it more often, now that my “baby” is already 14 months. I know it will get easier as the kids get older.
Of course you missed your kids! And we’re glad you got a little bit of a breather, even though life is never without its… um… “challenges.”
As for your return to reality, please enjoy some of my balloons, virtually. Just one of those nice surprises, out of the blue (red?), from my son. Welcome back!
Balloons! I love balloons. Thank you. I will just reach out my window now and grab them. Balloons make every day a little better. I think I’ll go to Trader Joe’s tomorrow and get a few more (and maybe some gnocchi for dinner).
Those nights or weekends away (it’s been a while, sadly) always remind me what it was about my husband that snagged me in the first place. It’s like when you have kids, you make that transition to becoming parents, but you still have to work to maintain the lover/couple relationship. Because that’s what you are and will be in the years to come. Kids grow up and stop needing you to keep ‘parent’ as your primary role, and you don’t want to wait until then to reestablish the couple relationship, right?
(by the way, thanks for the thoughtful comment on my blog last week. i really appreciated it.)
You said this so perfectly. That when you have a chance to be alone, you remember what it was about your husband that snagged you in the first place. Yes. I remembered that. And also many of the things we used to enjoy doing together before children. We still enjoy those things. And each other.
Those weekends, or even just evenings, away are precious. And so necessary. Sometimes I see so little of my husband we kind of lose touch. Good to have some time to reconnect and remind yourselves that you’re together for a reason!
Yes! It’s crazy how you can lose touch with the person you built this life with, isn’t it? But so true. And so important to keep reconnecting. Every moment together is precious.
Hey Sweetie,
I’m glad the weekend was good, and I’m sorry re-entry has been so rocky. But then, they always have to punish you a little bit when you get back, just to let you know they missed you. And the stoopid car!! Where’s the fairness in that? Nanny’s ‘This, too, shall pass” isn’t much consolation when you’re in the thick of things – but once its finally over, you’ll have a nice, big, comfy car that fits all the growing bodies in, and everyone will have their own spot and it will be ahhhhhhh.
And keep the going out thing alive – even if you just get a friend to take your kids for 2 hours so you and J can grab a bite or take a walk, or sit on a park bench and poeple watch. It’s important. And I’m glad you had time for the puzzle! It was fun this week. Except I didn’t get that last long clue/answer – Novel Writer?? (Oops, sorry out there if I’ve given it away.)
Hey, Foofy!
Novel writer. As in, changing the profession titles in a “novel” way, to make them look better. And then embellishing her own role as secretary to novel writer. Get it? It wasn’t one of the best. But I did rock it.
Thanks for your part in the weekend!
You know how I feel about the much needed get-aways from my recent blog post about the fact that honestly, my husband and I would not “be” without them. I’m so happy that you were able to make it happen for you. It’s definitely healthy to miss your kids every once in a while. We usually spend more time talking about ours than about us when we’re away but it makes us realize that this choice to change our lives so dramatically by having kids, was the right one.
Welcome back. I hope your kids bring you back to reality slowly and make you smile with the amazing memories I’m sure they made with Sarah and family this weekend!
So well said, Becca: “We usually spend more time talking about ours than about us when we’re away but it makes us realize that this choice to change our lives so dramatically by having kids, was the right one.”
Absolutely.
Yes. I second what Kristen said. One-on-one time does show us that we made the choice of parenthood for the right reasons. I’m hoping we can get this time a little more often. Here’s hoping!
We went on our first weekend getaway last month, and when we got back I could have written almost the exact list you did! It’s so wonderful to get away for a bit, but sometimes the reality of home is a tough thing to swallow after a weekend away.
And seriously, what the heck is up w/ not being able to sleep through the night now?? I so wish we could!
Yeah, what the HECK? But, Sarah did the hard part of sleep-training E. Let her cry. Said it wasn’t bad. Which I believe. But, oh BOY, when she’s your own… Last night we let her go. And she cried three times. A few manageable minutes at 9, too many excruciating minutes around midnight, and then again at 5:30, at which point we went and got her (b/c we didn’t want the other two to wake up too early). We kept her up, so I consider that night three. Don’t know what to expect tonight, but hoping for improvements. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep through by next November?
I love the way you wrote about this. So sweet. It really makes me want to plan a little getaway for A and I. It is so easy to put the kids, house, work and family before the marriage. I never want to take for granted that we love and support each other… sometimes you HAVE to take the time to show it. Thanks for the reminder and I am so happy that you enjoyed yourself!!
Crystal
Thanks, Crystal. You should plan a getaway. It was so much fun. Needed and enjoyed and now a lovely memory to dwell upon.
I am thrilled to hear you had a good time and glad you are back. Husband and I have been talking about getting away for a while now and we never actually make plans. I think this is in part because we know we are going to miss our girls. But reading this post makes me realize that it is important – if not imperative – to get away from time to time. A little bit of distance – from kiddos, from certain routines, from the home front – can do a lot.
Welcome home!
Yes. GO! Of course you’ll miss the girls. And they’ll miss you. But it’s important to put you and your husband first sometimes, I think, and for the girls to see that it’s important for you to get away. To have a special weekend. My kids may not really understand it on an intellectual level, but they now know that grownups need to spend time together away sometimes.
Weekend getaways are like “naps”… Great way to get away, rejuvenate, make memories and keep the flame a-glow.
Also?
It’s badass that you proved to yourself and hubby that you don’t need sports announcers to know what’s up at a game. :)
Badass. Awesome. I love it. Have to tell J. I do feel a little badass. Our seats weren’t that close, you know? So I was patting myself on the back.
And, yes, rekindling was very nice.
Or, you could be *really* badass and say “I’m so B-A…” to J.
Hehe
You know, those kiddos wear you out, but when they fly the nest, or are in process of doing so, you miss them more than imagining…
Fortunately, they stay in touch! Meanwhile, I think all you ladies should stop over. I’ve got a pot of coffee on, and I’m about to bake. ‘Tis the season (around here). No weekend getaways in my future – but lots of goodies to eat! (Kids welcome. I have lots of little kid chairs, and even a high chair, circa 1800…)
Bake? Bake? I just ate half my body weight of Chocolate Frosted Brownie Cookies. Yum. Was nice to bake today. Crackers. Bread. Cookies. Also, bean dip and FRENCH lentil soup. Oui oui.
Well, I must confess: 16-year old and I broke into the thanksgiving chocolate covered fruit. Big juicy fat fresh strawberry. Dipped in dark chocolate. Heaven.
And now I will ponder my red balloon, red strawberry, two fine sons, and sleep (perchance to sleep through the night).
YOU SLEEP TOO wouldja?
Your list made me smile. Understated, peaceful (’cept for the part about homecoming), just… nice. I am happy for you. And I’m just happy. Thanks for that.
Happy is good. It was a happy weekend. And I knew re-entry would be hard. All is well now. Back to the routine. (And VERY early bedtimes.)
I’m inspired. Sweetie and I have NEVER been away since Small joined us (7 years and counting!) Small wants an overnight with Bobbi, I want an overnight with Sweetie–I resolve to make it happen in 2010!
Go go go! If Bobbi doesn’t work out, just drop Small off here. She may be a little abashed by the noise level in my home, but we’ll find a spot for her to read her books. I openly admit that I find the dynamic is easier when there are MORE kids at my house. More than just my own, especially.
Oh, life does slap you hard in the face when you return, that’s true. But it’s still worth getting away!
Worth it worth it worth it.
I’m so glad it went well, because we will be doing it again! (But it’s Sarah and Dan’s turn next.)
My husband and I are planning on a getaway, I just want to wait until my newborn is a little bigger.
Okay, I will admit, it probably won’t happen for awhile. I just can’t bear leaving my little ones at home. So, we usually take them with us on our “getaways.” At least we are getting away from one consuming aspect of our life: school.
I think the favorite line is “it takes a village to nurture a marriage.” How true and inspiring. I need someone to kick my butt out of my house and into my hubby’s arms!
P.S. I missed you : ).
It does take some bravery to leave your kids behind. Even though I knew mine were safe and taken care of, I missed them. And I had pangs of nervousness and “empty arms.” But it was good for me to let go. And to put me and J first. I’m so glad I did it. And I’m already thinking about next time (after Sarah and Dan have THEIR next time). I hope you get away when you’re ready to leave your baby–if only for a night!
We have never had a get away. Maybe it’s time.
It’s time. Make it a priority. Start planning. It really really really is so nice to have something to look forward to. And nice to have the experience. And nice to have the memories. Nice. Now go. Plan!
Jill, you can drop AJ here anytime.
Oh Jen, I am so glad you guys had a really good weekend even though some things didn’t go as planned!
Thank you! It’s just that much better to have everyone’s good wishes and support. :)
I have only slept one night away from Ethan so far and I woke up like 3 times that night checking on him. My body was up and ready at 8 even though we had NOTHING to do! I really wish I could have a weekend away with my husband but there is not much we can do with my husbands job in the NAVY right now and my sparatic hours nannying. Plus our closest family member live like 14 hours away…
I’m glad you got away though! The slap in the face is the kids way of saying they miss you! =) Ok, maybe it isn’t the best way but at least you can day dream about the weekend and that should get you through!
You’re right about the kids saying they missed us. We were punished a bit today. But by bedtime (EARLY BEDTIME) we were forgiven.
I hope you are able to get away or at least plan a getaway soon. It’s so nice to have something to look forward to.
So glad you had a nice getaway!
I was away over the weekend as well, though it wasn’t nearly as quiet as I was surrounded by my guy’s entire family. (Luckily, I happen to like them.)
I feel like I still am recovering! Being away for the weekend takes major preparation. And, major recovery. But it was worth it!
Love love love this post. What do I love most? Seeing some of the comments from moms who are waaaayyyyy overdue for some time away and their expression of acknowledging how important it is. My husband and I try to have separate time away (girl’s nights, guys weekends, etc.) but also time away as a couple. It really is soooo important. You lead by example here and it makes me happy to see the ripple effect. Ladies … DO IT! Thanks (again) for letting me end my day with all of you! (I think I am always the last comment of the day? I feel like I’m supposed to turn out the light after I comment!)
Yes. Everyone needs to do this! Glad to have your comments to look forward to as I SCROLL down down down. My battery died last night as I was trying to get caught up … so I’m back at it now. Hope you have some good adult time planned for the near future!
Thankfully, Jules left the porch light on for me, so I can leave you a middle-of-the-night comment. :)
I’m so glad you had a great weekend, Jen! I could never ever manage the players’ names thing– my eyes glaze over at the very sight of sport. Maybe even my brain glazes over.
May your memories and your new shirt carry you through until the next time of re-connection. (Well, the memories at least. With three kids around, who knows how long shirts last. But hopefully a long long time.)
Funny about the new shirt, right? But I only spent 6.99 at Marshall’s, so when it gets destroyed by paints and random food smudges, I’ll live. Next sport to conquer: football? We’ll see…
Jen, so glad you had a great weekend. Aren’t we lucky to have our villages? And yes, reality hits you so fast when you get back, that it feels like it was a looooong time ago even if it was just yesterday.
Yes. Time warp! So much of raising children is a time warp. Or something. We had a great time, and I’m already thinking about what we might do with our next opportunity. Hmm… Hope you have some nice plans to look forward to with your hubs!
I loved this.
Yes, “it takes a village to nurture a marriage” and children, and ourselves. I want to live in a village where we all help each other and then we can have weekends and new shirts. sigh….
I’m so glad you had a good time! (sorry ’bout the car!)
Yes. Let’s form that village. It shouldn’t take five months of planning for any one (two) of us to get away. I’ll take your kids and you take mine. Shall we start a blogging commune? With all of our individual talents it might meet utopian standards! (I’ll provide muffins. And art materials.)
I guess I forgot to comment yesterday.
A vacation from the kids, whether it is an actual vacation or just a sleepover at Nana’s house so you can paint the bathroom, is a wonderful thing. Just as a regular vacation makes you feel better about your life, a kid vacation makes you feel better about your family and makes you even more grateful that the little booger-picking, mess-making, balls of love are yours.
I didn’t know you knew my children so well! You describe them to a T! :)